[CF17]

Hi all,

I wanted to get some of your thoughts on social phobia and variations. It's the missing part of the puzzle on my recovery journey.

Throughout the years, I've built a solid wall against most people. Therefore now, I don't let anyone come into my private world. Because I got hurt a lot in the past, I created this defense mechanism, thus what started as social phobia now is also a social "aversion", if there is such thing.

I isolated myself completely, however, now that I'm in better terms with depression, I feel an urge to slowly get people back into my life. So far, it has been extremely difficult (almost impossible), as I see that I unconsciously have my reservations, don't have much patience and I don't even know how relationships work anymore. I'm very introvert and some even told me that I don't look "friendly or approachable". Something needs to be done, I can't take being lonely anymore, yet I don't know how to overcome this barrier.

[cryingontheinside]

I have social phobia and I have done exactly the same thing . you could start by making friends on here and opening up to family members, letting them back in. You can pm me if you want . we could become friends . the walls won't all come down at once . we put up barriers for a reason , for protection and to feel safe . we can slowly let our guard down with individuals one at a time . who told you that you don't look approachable ? I could say that smiling could help but we don't always feel like smiling .

[MickeyCheeky]

I can relate. It's understandable you'd feel this way. Try to get to know other people, slowly one step at the time.. that's already a start.

[CepheidVariable]

Originally Posted by CF17

Throughout the years, I've built a solid wall against most people. Therefore now, I don't let anyone come into my private world. Because I got hurt a lot in the past, I created this defense mechanism, thus what started as social phobia now is also a social "aversion", if there is such thing.

Yeah, it is a thing. It's usually called "avoidance" or "avoidant behavior".

And if you want to socialize but have a strong fear or aversion to it as well, psychologists can refer to that as an "approach-avoidance conflict".

You can look them up, but take all of it with a grain of salt, of course.

Like the others said, starting with smaller and easier things then going from there is a good start.

If you really think you are sending out signals that make you seem less approachable or need help with skills, maybe you could see if there are groups, workshops, or counselling in your area. But you may have just done it once -- in that person's opinion -- and anxiety can blow those kind of comments out of proportion. You might just want to try re-engaging a little and see how things go first.

[CF17]

Very well written.
I agree with it and I'm already trying to reach local groups in my area. Searching for therapy options as well.
It's a long road ahead of us, but with perseverance, we may find peace.
Thank you!