[MtnTime2896]

I've been in this place before. I've been here quite a few times, actually. It's the place where every breath I take, I curse it and hope it will just be my last. Every time I blink, I pray my eyes won't be able to open. And the more I fight it and force myself to do things, the worse the desire gets. Those things that remind me I'm alive, I hate them so damn much. I hate the fact that I'm even writing at the moment. I can't stand any of it and I'm still doing it.

You know, if MI was more physical, apparent and visual; not a single person would deny this suffering. In fact, I think if they saw it, when treatment didn't help, they'd agree that the individual should be put out of their suffering. A dignified death. An accepted death. People could finally let me ****ing go. It's not even that I blame any of them, I would/do the same things as them. I do it all of the time. I do not get upset that they want me to stay. I get upset because it doesn't change anything. It doesn't make all of the pain just disappear. It's still here, it's still constant suffering and it only grows worse because I feel so ****ing guilty for being this way.

My intrusive thoughts are here and loud. I know what they want me to do. I know what I want to do. And I can't make anything shut the hell up. I'm just having a really hard ****ing time right now.

Possible trigger:

Why can't I just end it?

You are one of those incredible people that struggles to no end, but in the blink of an eye, you're out there offering support to anyone that needs it, too. It's heartbreaking, but amazing. You are amazing.

[cryingontheinside]

I often wish people would see the pain I'm in too instead of treating me so badly. Most my family have started to understand but to so-called professionals and other staff who are suppose to understand do not .

I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time . I wish I could say something that will help a little .I hope this despair leaves you soon.

I have that inner voice too , its like a tormentor .
Hugs: Love: hugs; love :

[Sunflower123]

I’m sorry you’re struggling so much. You’ve had a hard time for awhile now. I hope you can find some peace and relief soon. Keep fighting it. It’s not written in stone that you’ll always feel this way. Sending big hugs.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((( So leigheas )))))))
That tormenting inner voice, I have it too. How I wish it would take a hike

[MickeyCheeky]

You're a warrior.

[Yzen]

You are such an extraordinary, remarkable person. Those inner voices try to make you relive your life instead of living your life. Those voices are the enemy...please keep fighting them.

[CepheidVariable]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

You know, if MI was more physical, apparent and visual; not a single person would deny this suffering.

I think if people could feel or somehow physically see what some of us go through, they would be appalled. Most people, mercifully, have no true conception.

I'm so terribly sorry.

[Bill3]

Guilt is a part of the black dog of depression. You are loved and appreciated much more than your depression will let you see. I truly hope you can shake it someday but am glad you are still brave enough to admit it.

[Shazerac]

It sucks that mental suffering is an invisible pain