[Abby]

Hello - anyone remember me? Probably not since i've not been here since like 2004! I've been looking back at my old posts when i was a young 18yr old, how long ago does that feel now. I'm in 4th yr at uni now, and i'd like to think alot wiser and better person because of the experience!

I'm back here though so not everythings changed...annoyingly. I've been battling myself for all these years and generally trying to experience everything that i can in order to get rid of this depression. Its not worked though.

If i'm totally honest i'm just more tired than before. I've lost that eager 18yr old who was willing to try and save herself. Continually going to drs and therapists have worn me out and left me more cynical than ever.

I'm in a very bad place right now. I'm not sure i can keep on battling. My life is a roller coaster ride and i want to get off.

[silver_queen]

Hey Abby - you might remember me (if you're the person I'm thinking of, anyway!) If you are then I met you originally on a teen forum and we met a few times at university. If you aren't the person I'm thinking of, please disregard this!

In any case it is very annoying when depression does not just go away, whatever you do! It also makes you feel if you are a failure for not being a stronger person, etc. I don't really think it works that way. In fact I think continual depression just makes things harder. I really think it has decreased my mental stamina. Anyway, you've got just one more year to go and then you will have finished - you could just take a year or so out and see how you feel at the end of it. After completing your degree you should have no major pressures (apart from getting a house etc), so you may find your depression eases after leaving the academic world.

[Fuzzybear]

Welcome back (((((((((((((((( Abby )))))))))))))))))

[Abby]

Hey Silver Queen, yep same person - well remembered! You still at uni? Yes i think i am alot more tired than i was before, and more frustrated - i just want to get better and get on with life now. I'm fed up of spending days in bed, having to catch up on work and letting friends down. I have a feeling that finishing uni won't make things any easier though, then the real responsibilities start!! What are you up to these days??

Thanks for the welcome fuzzybear. Always lovely to get a warm welcome. And for someone to care to say so.

[bipolar_bear]

Welcome back Abby. I am sorry you are having such a hard time right now. Glad you're here.

BB

[silver_queen]

Hey Abby - good to find out you're the person I thought you were I wasn't certain after all this time, lol.

Yes, I'm still at uni, in my second year now. Like you say it is frustrating when nothing seems to improve - or indeed, gets worse. For myself, I am still finding motivation to be a huge struggle, and then I get kind of exhausted emotionally and then find it hard to do anything other than just relax - which makes academic work hard, obviously. I hope you're faring a bit better in your final year! Still, at least you have a guaranteed job at the end of it (I assume), so it takes some pressure off having to find a job. Though you are quite right that there are greater responsibilities after leaving uni - though I hope that such things are more worrying when anticipating them than when experiencing them! I used to dread growing up (still do, in ways), but it is not as bad as I feared when younger, so perhaps adult responsibilities are not the impossibilities they appear to be.