[Psychotic_Phil]

These are letters that I wrote to my teachers on my idiocy. Check it out:

Ami,

At this point in my 8th grade school year, I feel it is imperative that you be more honest than you have been. I know that all my teachers in the past have thought of me as “smart” or “intelligent” and “wise”. But I will no longer fall for this sort of deception. I can see through the cracks of your praises and now realize that secretly you wish that I would disappear, in whatever form or fashion, so that my idiocy will no longer pollute your class. Yes, I am aware that everyone cares (seems to care) that I am on several different toxins that mess up my system. I mean all you have to do is look at Prozac and say “That kid will never get better with that kind of crap” Most people die on that stuff because they have killed themselves. Perhaps one day I will join them. Don’t worry; I’m under suicide watch anyways.

I feel that in all classes we have together that I am not trying. I barely even meet standard, so what does that say? I certainly haven’t passed with flying colors in Language Arts. God, how can you stand my flaccid and trite essays where I say “Oh pitiful pearl. Oh woe is me” over and over again. Nobody should take this mental illness stuff into consideration when regarding my academic performance. So what I have depression? My dad is bipolar. There are 2 million people in the US that have schizophrenia. I have a baby illness and a fixation on diagnosis that you should not even know about. I am expected to meet standard in order to pass. To give that to me simply because I’ve been to a hospital a few times is ludicrous and even illegal to a certain extent.

I’m a joke. A worthless concentrated pile of human waste and I deserve no sympathy or kindness. I want you to crack down on me, so like that you won’t tolerate my sub standard performance.

I am an inch away from saying screw it. Either you actually tell me the truth or I will never come back and never communicate anything to you. The ball is in your court.

Sincerely,

Philip, the class moron.

P.S: I know that you are going to disagree with this whole heartedly because you still believe that you can trick me. Quite the reference to snakes in popular cultures. The trickster character. Ironic, isn’t it? A snake lover that is herself a snake and liar, but only to me. I love who you are. You are a beautiful person inside and out, so do not be hurt by this letter. I am simply reporting the facts. If you can’t stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen.

Shelly,

I am very happy that you will soon be a mother. I wish that your child is well. But the main reason I have written this letter is not that. I am of course talking about my failures and inability to meet your standard. Time and time again I have shamed and humiliated you with my idiocy. I may have at one time had but a fraction of an average mind, but know my mind has been destroyed by these chemicals I am forced to take. I sincerely apologize for being an asinine student.

But, I will always know the lies you have been feeding me. Lies that I am relevant. Lies that I will have some power in this world. These are not true and you, along with Ami, have been deceiving me, feeding me hope when it is undeserved and unneeded. I want you to tell me the truth. Are you capable is the question. Ami is obviously not. And you seem like an even bigger liar.

Math is harder for me. This means I fail, no matter what happens. And why do you cater to my “problems” in this subject? News flash, no amount of work can save me. There is nothing or no one that can do anything. Of course, life proves me wrong? I have yet to see it.

In conclusion, if you do not fail me, I will leave. I deserve an F because I do not try. I am pathetic. The ball is in your court…

Sincerely,

Philip, the idiot who’s not in your homeroom

P.S: I’m surprised what you gave me for my math journal. That disheveled hunk of junk should immediately count as a failure. Not of you, but of me.

I think that I'm right. I'm sure they'll get pissed. They can't handle the truth...

[Psychotic_Phil]

No one's interested huh? Fine, I'll take my problems elswhere... see how you like it...

[turquoisesea]

Well I dont know how they'll react to this.

I agree in school nowadays they give lots of extra space that perhaps shouldnt be there - make things too easy . That doesnt mean they're catering to you just because of your problems, I wouldnt be surprised if they do this kind of thing to many students. They WANT you to succeed not to fail. And I think you can... if you meant what you said in those letters, you could always start really trying to meet their standards.... I'm not that great in Math either but even those who find math really hard can get all the wya through the math levels required by school in the end

keep trying

[turquoisesea]

and if you want to talk about this, I wouldnt mind talking about it with you if I'm online and I'm sure there are several others in this community who would like to meet you and talk to you

[Doh2007]

You seem to be creating double binds for your teachers. What's that about?

[Psychotic_Phil]

I'm being totally reasonable. If my teachers cannot handle it, then they are truly lying to me.

[stefano]

It may be my poor grasp of the english language, but I don't understand what the problem is.

I if caught it, you are complaining because your teachers, instead of acknowledging your (supposed) inferiority and giving up on you, keep encouraging your and opposing your depressive's dysfunctional view of the world (quite typical as emerges from your words).

Unless I grossly misunderstood (in which case I apologize) it seems to me like they are doing good...

[altonwoodsdrphil]

they're trying to do good,but his low self esteem is at war with anyone who might perhaps bring out any of his "good qualities" because quite frankly he gets more out of being the way he is (attention)and besides there's work involved with pursuing his potential...and he's not "into that"

[Fuzzybear]

I disagree that anyone would want the hurt, fear, pain, anger and emptiness that is depression for "attention".

its easier to hate ppl to get them to hate u
to confirm our inner thoughts that we are bad are worthless
than it is to accept the opposite
that there is love and acceptance and tolerance and we are worth something in this world

[Fuzzybear]