[Grath]

Nothing ever changes. My life revolves in circles, orbiting a black sun. And no matter how much I try, how many plans I make for myself, I can never escape that orbit.

I wanted to get stuff done today. I wanted to get up early and seize the day. But then I couldn't fall asleep and woke up at noon. Now I haven't got anything done. Again. I just spend the whole day watching stuff I've already seen or doing things I've already done a million times, trying to bury my anxieties under permanent sensory overload. I'm so extremely afraid of anything new because I know I will fail in the end anyway.

I don't feel stuck or trapped, I feel emotionally locked-in. I just can't escape, can't change, can't see things any other way. How much is mental illness, how much is just ineptitude? Am I just too lazy, too restricted in my own thinking after all? Sometimes I just feel like it's really my fault. But I really don't know how to get out, how to wake up again from emotional coma.

[CepheidVariable]

I'm sorry you're struggling like this.

Originally Posted by Grath

How much is mental illness, how much is just ineptitude?

From what I've seen of your posts, you sound intelligent, thoughtful, and competent. So I don't think it's ineptitude. It seems like it's the emotions and the MI getting in the way of the talents you do have.

I'd suggest not letting the big picture overwhelm you with all the things that are wrong. From what you've posted elsewhere, you sound very discouraged by your perceived lack of school, work, and life accomplishments. Don't try to fix your entire life at once, but focus on the smaller pieces one at a time. If it's the MI that's the blocker, identify which parts you want to address first and work on that with whatever help you can get.

If that helps any. Emotions can really do a number on us.

[Sunflower123]

Excellent advice. I’m sorry you are struggling as well. I hope you feel better soon.

[Fuzzybear]

Excellent advice from Cepheid

[Grath]

Originally Posted by CepheidVariable

I'm sorry you're struggling like this.

From what I've seen of your posts, you sound intelligent, thoughtful, and competent. So I don't think it's ineptitude. It seems like it's the emotions and the MI getting in the way of the talents you do have.

I'd suggest not letting the big picture overwhelm you with all the things that are wrong. From what you've posted elsewhere, you sound very discouraged by your perceived lack of school, work, and life accomplishments. Don't try to fix your entire life at once, but focus on the smaller pieces one at a time. If it's the MI that's the blocker, identify which parts you want to address first and work on that with whatever help you can get.

If that helps any. Emotions can really do a number on us.

Thank you for this. I know it's always one step at a time. Being satisfied with small steps is just very hard for me.