[MtnTime2896]

*All of this is probably triggering*

Every news reel about it, webpage or report just makes me long for that escape. I don't know why but suicide seems to be surrounding my every thought and dream. I read about it, I watch movies revolving around it... it's in everything I do anymore. It's to the point where it's obsessive.

I've been trying to get out of this mindset but all my attempts have been in vain. I don't know why I'm like this. It's bad enough that every suicide gets me jealous, like I don't have the balls to go through with it. If I'm not gonna do it, then why the hell am I still obsessing over it? It makes no sense. I'm just so tired of it all.... Why can't my life just end?

I was obsessed with it when depressed. I did way more research than anyone should. My therapist said I needed to feel like I had an escape plan. I don't know.

It sucks but try to remember its not you, its depression and you will over come. Hugs friend.

[S.Cheeks]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

*All of this is probably triggering*


Every news reel about it, webpage or report just makes me long for that escape. I don't know why but suicide seems to be surrounding my every thought and dream. I read about it, I watch movies revolving around it... it's in everything I do anymore. It's to the point where it's obsessive.


I've been trying to get out of this mindset but all my attempts have been in vain. I don't know why I'm like this. It's bad enough that every suicide gets me jealous, like I don't have the balls to go through with it. If I'm not gonna do it, then why the hell am I still obsessing over it? It makes no sense. I'm just so tired of it all.... Why can't my life just end?

OCD almost took my life finally this Christmas. After loosing my son, aunt, grandmother, grandfather, and a few battle buddies.

Getting out of the army and just crashing into the ****ing dirt. Looking at my daughter sleeping, while I silently cry because I can’t feel the warmth I did looking at her before.

She asks why mommy sad?

I wasn’t doing good.

I reached out to my husbands father. He had been abused his whole life and repeated the chain with his kids and is now fixing ****. I knew he would be able to help me and he said..

“Ask the why.”

It’s a scientific process to turn off your emotional brain. You might still feel upset or overwhelmed from the after effects like the adrenaline.

The key is to do it early before you spiral but you can still accomplish it, it’ll jsut hurt worse.

The longer you allow your emotional brain to think, the longer it takes to undo that filth.

For example I asked myself, why? Why do you want to die?

Maybe this isn’t the same for you but at the time my answer was; I don’t. I just don’t want to suffer or cause anymore pain to my family. But I want to live, jsut not like this. This isn’t living. It’s barely surviving.

As if getting smacked in the ****ing face I realized, we are internally suffering and that’s awful but no one else would know. If we can fool them, we can fool us! I have had a few “mantras” if you will that have also helped.

Bitter or better?
Try again, again.
Ask the why?
This is what I make it.

Once you master controlling your emotional brain, your logical one will help balance you back out