[black_kat22]

so i don't tell many people i.r.l. about this and haven't on here. but this time of year (end of feb / first part of mar) is just brutal on me!

any time i'm asked this question by a t/p-doc, how long have you had depression, i always use my diagnosed-date as my answer. i guess cuz of my trust issues - can't say the real answer!

anyways, it's now been twelve years since i was officially diagnosed, though it was there LONG before that! my gosh, that's ten-plus years of my life down the drain and ain't any better!!

after all that the mind takes ya down this road of what the h**l is the point...

also makes ya wonder how long can a person actually keep 'hanging on'...

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm sorry. It must be very hard

It is very hard, not to think, "what the hell is the point". I have had a long time depression going on. There used to be very few days I could say I'm not feeling depressed. Now I'm looking at it a bit differently, maybe some gratefulness even in the worst times, so I look at it as learning. Learning what works and what doesn't work for me. It has taken me years to appreciate even the worst of it, I guess maybe appreciate isn't the right word. Acceptance? Best wishes, I hope you benefit from your time here as I have.

[Fuzzybear]

[black_kat22]

my views on this have changed over the years, various ways and directions. for a while early on, i use to think it was better that it was me who had to deal with 'this' cuz i was strong enough to handle it. .....um, i guess i don't really think too much of that any more, but in a way it might be true.

after this long, it just wears on you and continues to wear you down. honestly, im not sure how much fight is left in me, which is something i haven't told anyone.

but part of me kinda thinks everything i've been thru and holding it together all these years HAS to count for something, even if barely anyone knows it. cuz most in my shoes wouldn't have held on this long - so i was told!

one of the more harder things is being 'stuck' for ssssoooo long - watching the world and everyone else go by and continue on. it's like i'm on display at a frickin' museum, preserved & unable to move but still able to see others come & go and live pass me by.....