[towie]

It seems that every time I turn around, something else doesn't go as planned. But I guess that is just the way my life goes. Right now I am ready to scream. I am supposed to go back to work on Monday after being out for 6 weeks leave for major depression. It was either that or lose my mind or job, take your pick. My father died suddenly in May. The hospital released him and he died from what they said he didn't have. He shouldn't have died. I spent the summer working during the week, then traveling weekends to help my mother who was having a terrible time. My sister and brothers went on with their own lives and forgot about us. My brother who lives with my Mom has had problems with prescription drugs, another problem to help with. Through this I feel I have neglected my daughter who just turned 18 and have been dealing with my own problems for almost 2 years. Problems ensued at work and I was told to leave my personal problems at the door. Everything that was happening was pointed at me because of "my problems". Nobody really stopped and looked at the whole picture. That's when I knew I needed to take a break.

I started seeing a t at the beginning of September. I just needed someone to talk to, to get things out. My boss told me people don't care about your personal problems, so I knew it was something I needed to do. The problem with him is that his availablity is terrible. He is only availble on Friday afternoons and Saturday mornings.

Today was really important for me to see him. I knew that because I was returning to work on Monday. Well, as my luck would have it, my cat decided to have kittens an hour before I was supposed to leave. I couldn't leave her. I tried to get a later time but he told me no and he had no hours for tomorrow. Do you think he could have taken a few minutes to talk to me on the phone? He asked how I felt about returning to work, I told him not good and he said ok then we can make another appointment in two weeks. TWO WEEKS?? I am so ready to scream. I am having a hard time going back to begin with. I don't know what to expect and very nervous about what they expect. I hope they don't think I am going to be perfect. Although I am feeling a lot better than I did, I still have my days. Actually, I don't know how I will be because most of my time has been spent at home by myself with the dog and cat. I have distanced myself from almost everyone, with the exception of my daughter and my mother on weekends. I am also terrified that I will wind up the way I was before my leave, emotional and completely miserable.

Of course I will be changing my t. I already got a list from my insurance company. I wish I hadn't wasted my time with the last one, but I guess we all learn from our mistakes.

Has anyone ever felt the blood boil in your veins? That's the way I feel sometimes and that's the way he made me today. I just needed to vent. Thank you for listening!

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((( towie )))))))))))))