[Silent Blatherskite]

No amount of CBT is helping my loneliness. It's not that I am alone, as I live with my parents. But as the late Robin Williams said: The worse thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone.

It's not really their fault either. My mother is old, has several medical complications, and I think she is going senile, and my dad has to deal with it practically alone, since he was also a loner and his brother passed away a few years ago. I try to help, but I barely can stand watching her decay. He even still uses his brothers name in the present tense at times. I guess that's just his way of grieving.

No offense to anyone, but trying to reach out online never seems to go anywhere. I know that I ghost, just like anyone else. Probably because the interactions feel shallow and fake. Almost no different than playing a video game with a computer/simulation.

I don't know if I can go back to another therapist. The last time, I missed so many appointments, she decided not to reschedule. Which is fair. Lately, I've been late to everything I try to schedule. Not that it seemed to help anyways. Paying for someone's attention felt empty and an hour never seemed enough.

I've always been a loner and felt alone. At times, it was great to be alone, especially growing up. No one was around to make fun of me, order me around, or complain about their own issues (all the while dismissing any of mine). I'm more excited when people leave and I get to be alone than having to go see people. That thought has been so ingrained, I doubt that will ever change.

I don't even know why I'm posting this. Venting? A futile attempt? Or just wasting time so I have an excuse not to go 'interact' with my parents. It'd be nice to say I'm just going through a phase, but at 32....I just feel like giving up.

[FallDuskTrain]

Thank you for posting this.
It helped me feel less alone as I do have similar emotions.
I have been a loner, whilst desperately craving for genuine human connections, for as long as I remember. My life consisted of a lot of moving around and I ended up alone.
I know that it is up to me to get out of this pit but I have lost a blood line of motivation and enthusiasm as my MI has resulted in overwhelming amount of emotional and physical pain and anxiety.
I am trying to say is that I understand. I wish i had some solutions for us but I don’t. The only thing i can say is that lets not give up.
I understand what you mean regarding online friends. I have had difficulty maintaining my friendships in real life and I have not had any online friends until I found PC.
Give Pc a chance, I have met nice people here. Again, it also depends on the effort you put in.
Reach out to us and share your struggles.

[Wild Coyote]

I think I can relate, at least somewhat. I live with my H and my elderly mom lives with us. Sometimes, my H is working a lot of hours and that leaves me with my mom. My H and my mom are wonderful people. I just end up feeling "alone" at times.

I have old friends, yet I have not felt up to meeting up with them. I have been in a deep depression and also have several medical conditions. I am an introvert by nature, which helps and I do crave and love my alone time. At the same time, there are times when I am a little lonely.

I have made friends here at PC and we can really relate. I enjoy my PC friends very much.

I hope you can find someone(s) with whom you can relate, either online or IRL.


WC

I lived with my parents and older sister when I was 32. Later on at 32 I moved out for good. I had lived with them for a couple of years after being on my own didn't work out. I really felt lonely when I was living with them. Perhaps we just didn't communicate very well. At the time I lived with them I didn't have any friends in the area. Living with them was hard because they were abusive at times.

I told them that I was going to go on a vacation for a couple of months, since there didn't seem to be any jobs in the area. So I took that cross country drive as a vacation about 30 years ago. I never came back. I came to where I am now just to be here for a couple of months. I've been here ever since.

Believe it or not, I felt a lot less lonely after I moved out. I have lived alone for many years including now. There are times I get lonely still, but I would never trade in for what I have now to get back what I had being with my parents and sister.

[Silent Blatherskite]

Thanks everyone. I had a long cry yesterday, so I guess that helped. I don't think I'm manic, just overwhelmed.

Today looks pretty quiet, with the random snow, so I might be able to do some online gaming later. I've been watching a lot of Age of Empires 2 recently, so it's nice to see my nostalgia getting some attention. Not sure if anyone is interested, but ah well.

[cool09]

I could never reconnect with old friends because I have so much baggage. I think about them often. And I feel alone around my mother who puts on a face and can't have a real conversation with.

[Wilderleaf]

It took me a while, but I think I finally realized and admitted to myself that I'm lonely. I do live alone, but I have a big, caring family. I know what you mean when you say you're excited when people leave so you can be alone again. I kinda always thought that with all the amount of time I wanted to be alone, it precluded me from being lonely, but lately I wonder if it's been harmful for me. But also like you, interactions do seem prevalently shallow, inconsequential. Your therapy sessions sound familiar too, the hour goes quickly, and I even missed my last one—an online friend I've confided in scolded me though, so hopefully I can keep giving it a chance for now. So just letting you know you're not alone. If you discover some secret to feeling better, let me know, and I'll try to do the same. ^^

I've had a lot of fun with AoE2 before, but most recently I've fed my nostalgia with Final Fantasy XIV, remaking my character from XI. I'm glad you found something that makes you feel better.