[chipperdear]

I don't know what words to use to describe how I feel right now, but lonely, worthless, and incompetent are heading in the right direction. Last week at work I did a project, with permission from my manager, and the results were awesome. Today, I get to work and everything was undone because someone else didn't like the project. Five hours of my time wasted.

I've already been feeling pretty down lately, but this just made it worse. If we had universal health care, I would have walked out this morning. I like my job, but this petty crap isnt worth it anymore. I want to pull my hair out, throw away all my stuff, and just stop for awhile. Stop everything.

For the past two years I've been working hard towards thinking that as long as I'm doing my best, I don't have to feel bad about things that don't work out. Buy my best doesn't make friends, my best doesn't bring family back, my best doesn't pay the bills, my best doesn't clean the house, my best doesn't mean my boyfriend of 5 years wants to marry me.

I see people everyday who are horrible people personality wise, who are married, have kids, have friends, etc. I think I'm a good person. I do my best to be, and it's one of my main goals in life. Why am I not good enough for my boyfriend? Why am I not good enough to reproduce with (not that I want to bring a child into this mess)?

What did I do to deserve feeling like this? What did I do to deserve feeling so alone?

[MickeyCheeky]

You didn't do anything, I'm sorry you feel this badly It seems like you're dealing with a lot of stress at work. What else do you do in your free time?

Have you talked with your boyfriend with your marriage? Why do you think he doesn't want to marry you? Is he just not ready?

[chipperdear]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

You didn't do anything, I'm sorry you feel this badly It seems like you're dealing with a lot of stress at work. What else do you do in your free time?

Have you talked with your boyfriend with your marriage? Why do you think he doesn't want to marry you? Is he just not ready?

I don't have much free time, but most of it is filled with school work. I'm in college part time to try and get myself in a better work situation eventually. Ive talked to my boyfriend about marriage and he always says hes not ready and not until hes 100% sure we wont end up divorced. Life doesn't work like that.

I feel a little better now than I did earlier, but still a bit on the crummy side. I have an appointment next month with my doctor to discuss my depression and stress (it's the soonest I could get in). I just want to feel better more often.

I suppose I'll keep chugging along until then with a fake smile, and I'm not going to try to go above and beyond at work anymore. There's no chance of promotion or pay raise in doing so, and most of my coworkers are praised for doing the bare minimum, so that's what I will be doing also. Their loss, not mine.

[Wild Coyote]

I am sorry you were so disappointed by the work situation. I would be very disappointed, too. What a let down.


WC

[chipperdear]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I am sorry you were so disappointed by the work situation. I would be very disappointed, too. What a let down.


WC

I'm just hoping this school thing works out and I can find a better job. Don't get me wrong, I get paid well and have decent benefits. I also love most of my coworkers. The place is just so toxic from top to bottom, and I'm tired of 50+hour weeks. A different job may also allow me to have a social life, since I would be working during normal business hours instead of afternoons/evenings most days. I wish there were more options for therapy around here. There's a handful of counselors about an hour away,, but most don't accept insurance.