I wish I could stop

I wish I could stop these circular thoughts inside my head. It seems that meds are what most people recommend, understandably, as they can be very effective. I’m probably an “annoying” person. I find myself annoying.

I wish I could numb myself out with meds, dumb myself down and whatever else they might do... but not the scary to me and intolerable to me physical side effects. I’m not just a whiner, I’m not exaggerating the effects meds have on me personally.

I have “achieved” something today besides ranting on the Internet.

Does it help me feel any better? No..

PS an online friend told me I sound a little stronger, I guess that’s good

Whether that’s my mask or whether I’m tired of suppressing, suffocating myself etc I don’t know..

Or whether it’s a “miracle” that the med I recently started might be doing something (that one med I’m not currently seriously allergic to)

I do feel a bit “different” today anyway, not necessarily “stronger”

The tone of your post seems more up Fuzzy. Hoping the best for you!

Keep going - and let's hope for the best.

I sense a shift in your mood, even if slight.
Maybe the new med is starting to work?
Maybe you are reacting to Spring?

Either way... hugs!


WC

Thanks everyone!

I still haven’t figured out what’s going on.. I feel more pissed off but slightly less “scared” - so a slight improvement I guess.

I did a standard NHS “test” (the medic was very noticeably rushed and the questionnaire was VERY short) a while back. I lied about su ideation as I can’t bear their “treatment” - pun intended

I'm sorry about those relentless thoughts. I have been struggling with su ideation as well, especially lately.

There isn't much I can do to redirect my thoughts and/or emotional turmoil. Sometimes, if I'm lucky, I can sink into a book for a while. Sometimes, writing it all down helps purge it from my system. Other times, it's only with getting out of the environment I'm stuck in (aka my house) that helps, but it's the most impossible thing to do. Most medications, I'm allergic to or the side effects aren't worth it.

Honestly, the only SURE way to redirect my thoughts (and actually get some relief from the su ideation) is to smoke. It helps me eat, sleep and smile (with the help of a funny TV show or movie). I smoke/eat a cookie, and 20 minutes later I'm zoning out and giggling at something on NETFLIX. I only do it when I'm at home, and know I don't have to go anywhere for 4-6 hours. I've tried other Rx, and nothing is more effective with the added bonus of NO side effects.

I hope you find some catharsis.

Thanks paynful,

Cannabis, yes? (No need to reply) I’m in the UK and haven’t had any of that since university .. I wish I could get hold of some.

Yes, I use cannabis, in one form or another. But more readily available for you would be CBD Oil. It has the properties of cannabis without the active THC, as I understand it. My mother gets some from her naturopathic doctor (ND). All legal in the U.S. She takes a few drops a couple times a day for stress and pain. She gets it through the naturopath, but I believe that it is available for purchase online since there isn't any THC in it. Unless you are allergic, there are hardly ever any adverse interactions with other prescription medications.

I've considered CBD myself but the prices in the UK are a rip off