[jrae]

it's been one h**l of a day. I'm trying to not let these 'thought-trains' get going but wow, super hard.

felt completely alone today (would have spent the holiday with my Grandma ). no one around - no one even calls or even probably thinks of me, I don't count "group texts"! only time I smiled today was with my pets!!

my siblings texted out a photo of their family around the counter with the big easter meal out. wow - when you're all alone, how the h**l do you keep away the thoughts like 'everyone's got their families and you don't'! or 'man I wish I had someone' - oh wait, had my Grandma

it's not being jealous, it's just wow, not sure how to explain it. anyone understand or know what I'm talking about???

it's not just holidays. I often think about s**t like this - especially when no one calls or messages or whatever. then that part of you chimes in with 'if something happened, how the h**l long would it actually take anyone to notice?!' some times I just wanna dig / bury further down the hole and just hide forever. wouldn't be too hard, as I'm fairly invisible already!

ugh, what a day.......

[Wild Coyote]

(((((( jrae ))))))

I am sorry you'd felt so alone.


WC

[Smileonmyface]

I'm sorry the holiday makes you feel so alone. Holidays get to me too. Yesterday I watched two horror movies which I know doesn't help the depression, but it feels like an fitting way to spend these days that are supposed to be treasured with family. Cause thinking of family makes me want to watch a horror movie I guess.

Hugs and I hope you feel better.