[never. happy]

I'm part of an NGO that rescues snakes in India [I'm still training], and they have recently added me to their Whatsapp group. I originally joined because I really like snakes and I hate it when people kill them just because of some fear that society has instilled. I'm also terrified of them, as in I freeze up and my mind goes blank, or rather used to, when I see them, but would never harm them. Unfortunately, this also happens to me when I am under stress in other day to day conditions as well[I don't freeze up always, but my mind does go sort of blank and I usually cant really think much like when riding a bike or car and have to make a quick decision or in an exam to name a few]. I thought that I could better "prepare" myself for these situations if I could handle snakes calmly without panicking. They're a great group of people,helpful and everything; they consider everyone in the group family, and I'm truly thankful for knowing them, but I think I'm a little intimidated by their intelligence, or sad that I don't really have the closeness that the other 122 members do, since some members have been with the NGO since 2007. Maybe it's because everyone else does rescues and that for me represents accomplishment. Or maybe I just feel insecure... I don't really know. Sometimes, rather most times when I open the group chat, I can't help feeling this way. Why can't I fit in anywhere?

[marvin_pa]

It takes time to properly develop those bonds with others in a group, especially if you're the newbie. Group chats (group anything actually) tend to freak me out - it might be better to start off by chatting with one or two members that seem the most open & take things from there.

[downandlonely]

It sounds to me like you have low self-esteem and don't think you are "good enough" to be a friend to the others in the group. I can relate. I suffer from low self-esteem a lot too. Try some positive affirmations, thinking of good things about yourself and repeating them.

[Skeezyks]

Well... first off... congratulations on becoming involved in this! From what you wrote, it sounds to me as though there are two issues here. You didn't mention how long you've been a member of this group. But my impression is that it's not that long. From my perspective, I think you may simply be hoping for too much too soon as far as fitting into the group goes. As you mentioned, some of the members have been with the NGO since 2007. It takes time to become "integrated" into an established group. My thinking would be that you probably just need to hang in there. And over time, if you're active, you too can become an important member.

It's really very similar to being here on PsychCentral. If a member just posts a thread once in a while, but seldom or never replies to anyone else's posts, they're going to be largely ignored. But if a member posts their own threads regularly, & especially if they reply to lots of other members' posts, pretty-soon they become an important member of the PsychCentral community!

Now the other issue you brought up was that you "freeze up" & your mind goes blank when you're under stress in other day-to-day conditions. While I'm certainly no expert, with regard to this, it is an experience I have struggled with too over the years. And I believe it is basically something that is caused by anxiety. So I would suggest that if you can do some things to address you anxiety, you may find that your tendency to freeze up & go blank may lessen a bit. It may not go away completely. That may just not be realistic. (It hasn't been for me.) But it can, perhaps, be lessened so that it is not as big a concern for you day-to-day.

Here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of how to work with anxiety:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/9-ways-...ere-right-now/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/11-tip...anage-anxiety/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/15-smal...iety-symptoms/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/6-ways-...ocial-anxiety/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-wr...-life-anxiety/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/top-10-...s-for-anxiety/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-me...helps-anxiety/

[never. happy]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Well... first off... congratulations on becoming involved in this! From what you wrote, it sounds to me as though there are two issues here. You didn't mention how long you've been a member of this group. But my impression is that it's not that long. From my perspective, I think you may simply be hoping for too much too soon as far as fitting into the group goes. As you mentioned, some of the members have been with the NGO since 2007. It takes time to become "integrated" into an established group. My thinking would be that you probably just need to hang in there. And over time, if you're active, you too can become an important member.

It's really very similar to being here on PsychCentral. If a member just posts a thread once in a while, but seldom or never replies to anyone else's posts, they're going to be largely ignored. But if a member posts their own threads regularly, & especially if they reply to lots of other members' posts, pretty-soon they become an important member of the PsychCentral community!

Now the other issue you brought up was that you "freeze up" & your mind goes blank when you're under stress in other day-to-day conditions. While I'm certainly no expert, with regard to this, it is an experience I have struggled with too over the years. And I believe it is basically something that is caused by anxiety. So I would suggest that if you can do some things to address you anxiety, you may find that your tendency to freeze up & go blank may lessen a bit. It may not go away completely. That may just not be realistic. (It hasn't been for me.) But it can, perhaps, be lessened so that it is not as big a concern for you day-to-day.

Here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of how to work with anxiety:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/9-ways-...ere-right-now/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/11-tip...anage-anxiety/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/15-smal...iety-symptoms/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/6-ways-...ocial-anxiety/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-wr...-life-anxiety/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/top-10-...s-for-anxiety/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-me...helps-anxiety/

Thanks a lot Skeezyks.

Actually, I am active in the group but that might be a problem. I usually end up saying a lot of dumb stuff, which makes me ask myself what they think about me. You may be right about the "hoping for too much too soon" part. I've actually been with them since 2016, but I only started going for classes regularly this year.

I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression and this is kinda my way of trying to control it- like reducing it by putting myself in an anxiety prone situation so I can handle similar situations in the future, including my love for those creatures. Therapy isn't really an option for me due to financial issues and my parents thinking I don't need it.

Kudos on getting your anxiety under control.

[never. happy]

Originally Posted by downandlonely

It sounds to me like you have low self-esteem and don't think you are "good enough" to be a friend to the others in the group. I can relate. I suffer from low self-esteem a lot too. Try some positive affirmations, thinking of good things about yourself and repeating them.

Well, I'm not of much use to anyone as a friend...

Thanks a lot for the advice though. I hope you get rid of your low self-esteem

[never. happy]

Originally Posted by marvin_pa

It takes time to properly develop those bonds with others in a group, especially if you're the newbie. Group chats (group anything actually) tend to freak me out - it might be better to start off by chatting with one or two members that seem the most open & take things from there.

I have a person that I talk to in the group separately. We don't talk that often, but when we do, it goes pretty well. She's the second newest person to join the group [or as everyone in the group calls it, The Family; I wouldn't disagree], I think.

I hope you'll be able to get rid of your group activity freak out, too.