don't know how to feel about no more ideation

(content note for discussion of past suicidal ideation but no descriptions)

as I mentioned in another thread, I've recently started antidepressants and the good news is that I haven't experienced suicidal ideation since I've been on them, although side effects have been tough.

this is kind of weird, but I've been feeling emotionally "lost" without suicidal ideation. I think it's just been part of my life for long enough that I accepted it as part of my identity, if that makes sense...

I feel so guilty and ungrateful for feeling this way because I know lots of people struggle to get the medications they need. I'm not planning on stopping them. I'm such a bad person for this but I feel confused as if I just lost a part of me...

Yes but you lost a bad part of you, think positive about it and know you are almost there!!!

I can relate but as time goes on this becomes your new normal. It's a good place to be.

As I have.

I cannot recall the point at which I no longer felt lost - it just happened. I spent far too much time in my life with ideation that it just didn't seem normal when it no longer was a factor. The feeling of loss is a good description for it. There was an empty vacuum because I suddenly had blank time on my hands. But trust me, one day you are just going to realise that, hey, there are thoughts that have come to fill the void. And a pleasant feeling that will be.

that's an interesting point--definitely working on having enough self love to learn to let go of unhealthy parts of myself. thank you for your encouragement <3

thank you for sharing this. it's good to know that things can feel a bit more grounded eventually. taking this to heart as I continue thinking about this...

thank you for sharing this. the "empty vacuum" is a good way to describe it too--now that my mind isn't as easily crowded with worries or sadness it's almost like I don't know what to do with myself. it's really encouraging, though, to hear that things can change and become pleasant, that feeling empty isn't permanent.

I had the same experience. For me, I felt like I suddenly had a whole life ahead of me that I wasn't planning for. I thought I was on the way out and then suddenly I wasn't and had to be a real person again. This was just my experience but I believe it happens to a lot of people who once had ideation.

I can relate. When I have ideations it consumes my whole life. Then when it’s gone there is a big hole in my day. I don’t miss it but it takes a while to readjust to the new me.

(((((smallbluefish))))) I've been there myself with the suicidal thoughts and ideation, hang in there