[mulan]

I feel like I live at least a double life. I as anybody else can be different people around different people but I barely can be me around any people.
There's a huge, gigantic, enormous disconnection between what I feel and what I say. And because it is so big it contributes and is probably the main reason why I feel disconnected with the world.
I don't know how to behave differently, it's so natural to pretend I am not feeling that it happens, I barely notice what I am feeling. It's in the back of my mind, but my thoughts are so quiet I hardly notice them, they come and go. Then if someone comments the same I realize I had thought about it. But I didn't notice before. They are superficial and quick.
And I believe that a way to my mental well-being was if I learn how to recognize them, how to share and specially how to let my guard down and not being afraid of sharing them.
I have (think I have) recognize what I need to do, I just have no idea on how to do it.

I could say other things I have noticed about my cognitive style... But not now.

[SeekerSeeking]

Ohmigoodness—as a teen and into my early 20s—I felt just like you did. Coming from a very abusive background, I had learned to ‘not feel.’ So, learning to feel again—and recognize what those feelings were was quite an effort. My name for myself back then was ‘defective.” At first, feelings scared me—I’d been so contained for so long. For me therapy helped—and so did writing. I would scribble down how I was feeling and usually somewhere in there I told myself why I was upset and what I was feeling. It took a while, but it was so worth it.

It was only after I reconnected to myself—that I could really connect with others. To do this, I had to observe me—monitor my feelings and be real with myself. I tracked my emotions and watched the thoughts it created…back then they were usually negative self-comments. Once I saw that, I started stopping the self-abuse. Why should I repeat to myself all the mean things said to me over the years. I had to stick up for me.

I think your awareness is top-notch—and I so wish you well on your journey (within and out).

[Fuzzybear]

[Fuzzybear]

“The avoidant’s interpersonal angst is almost completely overlooked”

From “Distancing - Avoidant Personality Disorder” (P.5)

(I have a copy of this, might be worth a look)

[mulan]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

“The avoidant’s interpersonal angst is almost completely overlooked”

From “Distancing - Avoidant Personality Disorder” (P.5)

(I have a copy of this, might be worth a look)

Thank you for mentioning this.

I have already got my copy (it's not hard to find).
I am frightened by what those books might say about me that I want and don't want to know, at the same time.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by mulan

Thank you for mentioning this.

I have already got my copy (it's not hard to find).
I am frightened by what those books might say about me that I want and don't want to know, at the same time.

I guess that’s why an experienced, intelligent, compassionate, intuitive etc., therapist is more help than any book. But of course, plenty of therapists are ..

Are we even certain about the “dx(s) - would a “good enough” therapist even be “certain”..

I’ve only read a few pages of the book.. I picked it up a while ago and only read even fewer - but from a clinical perspective it may have some value