Always wrong?

Fuzzybear · Apr 26, 2018, 10:25 AM

I don’t know how long I’ll leave this up for. Please don’t tell me to “move on” - I’m running as fast as I can ...

“I gave you a good education”

“You had a happy childhood”

“I have panic attacks too”

“You’ll go to prison for taking a grape”

“You should have gone to boarding school. You’d have sink or swum”

“You’ve ruined your mother’s life”

“You should be punished all your life”

“Papa Bear isn’t happy with you because..”

“We love you at Christmas”

“You’re too mean to buy yourself a holiday” (I didn’t have the money although they lived in a 6 bedroom house and I was almost on the “streets”)

How dare you buy yourself a pair of jeans.

When I was your age I spent all my money on buying my mother a tea pot”

.. I’m sorry, this is so “boring”

These are just a few of the comments my father, who was a Very Important Person made about me. I did love him. But I was always a ...

Fuzzybear · Apr 26, 2018, 10:41 AM

I forgot the biggest one, repeated endlessly.

I’m so SELFISH.......

SeekerSeeking · Apr 26, 2018, 10:53 AM

I'm not going to tell you to move on--sounds like you are living in a mine-field. I hope you can not feel those bombs as much by realizing that those statements say WAY more about the folks saying it--than you. The fact that they would say them to you--says WAY more about them. Try not to absorb them. Find your brilliant bits and hold on to them in your mind. I am so sorry you are being attacked like this...

cryingontheinside · Apr 26, 2018, 11:23 AM

Hugs to you fuzzy . I'm sorry that you had to experience that and re-live it . Emotional abuse is horrible and very painful.

Rohag · Apr 26, 2018, 12:14 PM

((((((( Fuzzybear )))))))

Apr 26, 2018, 12:25 PM

You're not selfish, Fuzzy

It says more about your family than it does about you, them sort of comments

Shazerac · Apr 26, 2018, 03:15 PM

Ahhhh sweet Fuzzy Bear. The oldies but goodies. You should recognize me. I grew up in your family.

That list is fantastic. It would make a great Saturday night live advertisement as Music CD. “Songs to Sing at a Family Get Together.

You’re selfish...fa la la la la.
You have no reason to feel like you do. Woah oh oh oh.
I walked a mile uphill both ways to school. Heeeey yaaaa heeey yaaaa.

Love you

Fuzzybear · Apr 26, 2018, 03:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shazerac

Ahhhh sweet Fuzzy Bear. The oldies but goodies. You should recognize me. I grew up in your family.

That list is fantastic. It would make a great Saturday night live advertisement as Music CD. “Songs to Sing at a Family Get Together.

You’re selfish...fa la la la la.
You have no reason to feel like you do. Woah oh oh oh.
I walked a mile uphill both ways to school. Heeeey yaaaa heeey yaaaa.

Love you

Hello

I do recognise you!

Love to you

mulan · Apr 26, 2018, 06:52 PM

Time goes by, but early imprints are too hard to erase.

Fuzzybear · Apr 26, 2018, 07:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mulan

Time goes by, but early imprints are too hard to erase.

I always used to cry when the teacher played “the ugly duckling” at school when I was 5

. I wasn’t ugly..

(You’re not “ugly” either)

Rohag · Apr 26, 2018, 08:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mulan

Time goes by, but early imprints are too hard to erase.

This is all too true.

Fuzzybear · Apr 26, 2018, 08:35 PM

Apr 26, 2018, 09:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I don’t know how long I’ll leave this up for. Please don’t tell me to “move on” - I’m running as fast as I can ...

“I gave you a good education”

“You had a happy childhood”

“I have panic attacks too”

“You’ll go to prison for taking a grape”

“You should have gone to boarding school. You’d have sink or swum”

“You’ve ruined your mother’s life”

“You should be punished all your life”

“Papa Bear isn’t happy with you because..”

“We love you at Christmas”

“You’re too mean to buy yourself a holiday” (I didn’t have the money although they lived in a 6 bedroom house and I was almost on the “streets”)

How dare you buy yourself a pair of jeans.

When I was your age I spent all my money on buying my mother a tea pot”

I grew up with a lot of the same comments.

Their drama always exceeded mine and I felt blamed for their problems as well as guilty for having my own.

The truth is (for me at least) that they know nothing about who I am and I have been made to sink or swim no matter the circumstance.

No matter how “independent” I am though, I wish I weren’t me because then I could be free from their influence.

It’s hard to be free.

Fuzzybear · Apr 26, 2018, 10:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by emptynightmare

I grew up with a lot of the same comments.

Their drama always exceeded mine and I felt blamed for their problems as well as guilty for having my own.

The truth is (for me at least) that they know nothing about who I am and I have been made to sink or swim no matter the circumstance.

No matter how “independent” I am though, I wish I weren’t me because then I could be free from their influence.

It’s hard to be free.

This resonates with me too.

“They know nothing about who I am” - exactly. It hurts - such a “distant family” but still so hard to be free..

There wasn’t a “home” really (especially after I was a young child) but the father said how she is a “home maker and a wonderful person” (but he left her anyway)

And me? I was made to “sink or swim” - and “never grew up” (thanks dad)

mulan · Apr 27, 2018, 09:33 AM

I have such a strange relationship with my family. Love and dislike, admiration and indifference, dependence and and avoidance.

I feel like my existence and will is turned off when I am home. The criticism and their emotional shut down don't bring the best on me. I know they love me and care about me...I feel guilty. My mother's emotional blackmail can be powerful. I am still waiting for some emotional support and understanding from them, but that's what won't happen.

Emotional abuse isn't lighter than physical abuse. I may be wrong, but I am tempted to think it's worse. (it's a matter of how and how much).

Rohag · Apr 27, 2018, 11:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by emptynightmare

I felt blamed for their problems as well as guilty for having my own.

This is familiar, too.

Fuzzybear · Apr 27, 2018, 01:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rohag

This is familiar, too.

Exactly so. For me as well. I didn’t even mention that in my previous post.

Did we all “grow up” in the same “family”

Impossible to simply “put this in the past where it belongs”

If I could I would m’dear (sorry sweets I know you tried to help

)

(No sarcasm to anyone here or any online person)

Fuzzybear · Apr 27, 2018, 01:28 PM

“How to love the one you’re with”

I had to learn nearly ALL the “useful life lessons” by myself.

It’s quite impressive “how far I’ve come” even if nobody but me can acknowledge this..

Love to all

marvin_pa · Apr 27, 2018, 01:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mulan

I have such a strange relationship with my family. Love and dislike, admiration and indifference, dependence and and avoidance.

Strange? I thought they were all like that to a greater or lesser degree. IRL, I tend to keep my depression to myself & typically arrange things so that I can disappear when I feel that I need to. Only a few know about it & though they 'get it' for the most part, even they still occasionally trot out some helpful comments like the old familiar 'you need to pull yourself together' that absolutely make my blood boil like a fiery volcano. Unless you've been (and to a degree, are) there, you don't really know what it's like...

Fuzzybear · Apr 27, 2018, 01:32 PM

“You need to pull yourself together”

How could I forget that one..

Excuse me for a moment. I need to brush my teeth.

Fuzzybear · Apr 27, 2018, 01:36 PM

“You must stand on your own two feet. Im sick to the back teeth of you. I’m your mother but I’m not because you “need” me”

(Please no posts “defending” mothers .. this isn’t what this thread is about. This thread is about emotional abuse and neglect)

Fuzzybear · Apr 27, 2018, 01:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marvin_pa

Strange? I thought they were all like that to a greater or lesser degree. IRL, I tend to keep my depression to myself & typically arrange things so that I can disappear when I feel that I need to. Only a few know about it & though they 'get it' for the most part, even they still occasionally trot out some helpful comments like the old familiar 'you need to pull yourself together' that absolutely make my blood boil like a fiery volcano. Unless you've been (and to a degree, are) there, you don't really know what it's like...

I keep my Depression to myself irl too..

I told a “relative” I was “anxious”

Their reply in a cold voice and a “superior” and angry expression

“What have YOU got to be anxious about”

But some other “relative” constantly constantly criticised me for being “nervous” .. (and so much more.....

)

I think I must be “mad” - we can all go dancing in the forest where none of these MORONS can find us

Shazerac · Apr 27, 2018, 02:17 PM

I’m not defending mothers here. I love mine but she is one serious whack a doodle. I learned decades ago to not expect any kind of support, validation,sympathy, understanding, or anything else that came under the umbrella of human kindness.