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  #26  
Old May 18, 2018, 01:11 PM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marvin_pa View Post
Depression sets you apart from the world, which is a state the human mind has evolved to find distressing - consequently, some folks deny their depression (even to themselves), to better fit in & to avoid ignorant stigma. From my own experience, it is easy to mentally block out the memory of bad periods, for fear that not doing so, may let them back in.

And although I kick myself for doing so, my regular response to "How are you doing?" remains "Not so bad", even if I'm in the depths of quiet desperation - 99.999% of the time, it's simply easier not to expand further on how I'm actually feeling.
My reply (irl) is typically “f.i.n.e.” Or “not too bad”

To avoid ignorant stigma
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  #27  
Old May 18, 2018, 01:18 PM
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Candy1955 Candy1955 is offline
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Me, too, Fuzzy. Like "I'm okay..." I don't think they're mean, but I do think topics like Depression scare people so they say what they think makes them sound strong.
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  #28  
Old May 18, 2018, 01:54 PM
rdgrad15 rdgrad15 is offline
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Originally Posted by Fuzzybear View Post
My reply (irl) is typically “f.i.n.e.” Or “not too bad”

To avoid ignorant stigma
Same. Occasionally I may say eh okay, as if I was just having a rough day but otherwise I keep my loneliness and sadness to myself.
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  #29  
Old May 18, 2018, 01:55 PM
rdgrad15 rdgrad15 is offline
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Originally Posted by Candy1955 View Post
Me, too, Fuzzy. Like "I'm okay..." I don't think they're mean, but I do think topics like Depression scare people so they say what they think makes them sound strong.
I agree. Although telling someone you have mild depression may not be as bad and less chance of being judged than if you had major depression.
  #30  
Old May 18, 2018, 11:51 PM
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Naynay99 Naynay99 is offline
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I believe that people who say that actually do believe that they are helping.
Humans have trouble understanding thugs that they have not experienced and so try to compare a time in their life when they were sad and what worked and apply it to someone’s major depression.
People are not usually uncaring, they just ignorant. It’s like telling someone with a gushing bullet wound that a bandaid will fix them right up bc the last time they were bleeding from a minor cut that worked for them...

I like the “have your tried taking up yoga, going vegan, taking up knitting, etc. “ suggestions. Totally ridiculous but the giver of such advice actually thinks they are “helping”. Or how about “other people have it worse off than you do” to snap you out of your depression. Thanks, now I am still depressed and also feel guilty for it.

Anyway, people have difficulty with invisible illnesses. Humans are pretty flawed, but I still believe in the goodness of humanity and that most ppl are genuinely trying to help when they say such hurtful and unhelpful things.
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  #31  
Old May 19, 2018, 06:29 AM
rdgrad15 rdgrad15 is offline
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Originally Posted by Naynay99 View Post
I believe that people who say that actually do believe that they are helping.
Humans have trouble understanding thugs that they have not experienced and so try to compare a time in their life when they were sad and what worked and apply it to someone’s major depression.
People are not usually uncaring, they just ignorant. It’s like telling someone with a gushing bullet wound that a bandaid will fix them right up bc the last time they were bleeding from a minor cut that worked for them...

I like the “have your tried taking up yoga, going vegan, taking up knitting, etc. “ suggestions. Totally ridiculous but the giver of such advice actually thinks they are “helping”. Or how about “other people have it worse off than you do” to snap you out of your depression. Thanks, now I am still depressed and also feel guilty for it.

Anyway, people have difficulty with invisible illnesses. Humans are pretty flawed, but I still believe in the goodness of humanity and that most ppl are genuinely trying to help when they say such hurtful and unhelpful things.
Yeah that makes sense and yeah we have all done that at some point. It is human nature. Especially if someone doesn’t realize just how depressed someone else really is or doesn’t understand depression that much.
  #32  
Old May 19, 2018, 10:44 PM
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marvin_pa marvin_pa is offline
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The most helpful approach (that I wish folks would do for me when I need it) is to listen, show empathy, perhaps offer a little practical help & maybe, gently point out where ones cognition may be off target.
Thanks for this!
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  #33  
Old May 19, 2018, 10:52 PM
rdgrad15 rdgrad15 is offline
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Originally Posted by marvin_pa View Post
The most helpful approach (that I wish folks would do for me when I need it) is to listen, show empathy, perhaps offer a little practical help & maybe, gently point out where ones cognition may be off target.
Completely agree. It is better to be silent and listen than to risk saying something stupid by accident and making matters worse.
  #34  
Old May 25, 2018, 07:52 PM
gem85 gem85 is offline
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Many people don't understand depression. They think it's just some simple thing to get over. That's why I don't bother telling most people about my depression. I am grateful for sites like this where I can express myself without judgement.
Thanks for this!
rdgrad15
  #35  
Old May 26, 2018, 04:25 AM
rdgrad15 rdgrad15 is offline
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Originally Posted by gem85 View Post
Many people don't understand depression. They think it's just some simple thing to get over. That's why I don't bother telling most people about my depression. I am grateful for sites like this where I can express myself without judgement.
I agree. Same with me.
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