Almost....but... (excuses)

Yesterday I almost followed through with something I've been wanting to do for a long time, but like every other time I found an excuse to chicken out. I always find an excuse not to follow through. If I were just doing it for "the attention" people in my life would know. Yet I never follow through. If it's not for attention that only leaves the reason that I'm a coward.

There's more than being a coward perhaps. Maybe you are a good person, or maybe you don't want to do that to other people; there are many, many reasons besides being a coward. Please get some help to rise above these thoughts. You are the only one of you in the whole wide world. You're special, unique, and you continue to live for a reason.

I think not going through with it, shows you (only you know this) that there's so much you want to experience in your way of life.

If you had a list of reasons why not to. What would be at number one?

Expenses aside of course

Good to hear from you ＼(^o^)／

In addition to what I've said. I try not to let it overpower me, but I have been looking for a reason also. A good time, day etc. But depression doesn't wear a watch..

Being chicken has almost no importance to me, at least. I'm only afraid of the aftermath, should I fail.

But back to a more positive attitude/light, I really do love my bedroom plant that I only paid $34 potted and only needs water once a week.

I know you're brave, you just proved that.

Actually expenses are a very large factor for me. How will my wife be able to make it financially once I'm gone. We rely on both our incomes. But that only gets me so far. She's smart she'll figure something out. My other reason was my emotional support cat, but he's gone now. Yesterday was I didn't want my nephew to be the 1 to find me and there was a high likelihood he would have.
Excuses are like butt holes. Everyone has one and they all stink. I either need to put up or shut up. As of late I haven't been doing either 1.

It sounds like you don't want to be remembered as an uncaring and inconsiderate being, especially towards the person you love the most.

I believe that I could never be like you. The amount of thought taken away from your lifestyle is affecting your ability to make logical decisions.

For what it's worth,I'm unemployed & my wife left me at my worst. It took me years to forgive her...for leaving me.

I know it all sounds irrelevant, but how do you want to be remembered..

When my brother took his own life, I hated him..I still do...for leaving me.

When I said you're brave. I meant it in the most sympathetic way I know.

What 2ISAB said.

I don't think it's cowardice that keeps us from doing it, my friend. I think it's compassion and consideration. I think you care a lot, more than anyone will ever know. Even when you're down in your depths, you have been there for me, and I'm practically a stranger. You care so damn much but you hurt just the same. It's a terrible position to be in.