[Leyla]

hi everyone
my dept was downsized and i was the 3 they let go, the sad thing is they left the most experienced ones go. i was off work last year due to stress and anxiety brought on by a toxic ex manager, come back only to be told that i was the one of the ones impacted. i did make alot of mistakes but that was because the stress i was under, its like i never got a chance to prove to them i could do my job

i got a package, but i can't seem to get past the hurt, and anger of how i was treated when i came back. plus i know i will never get that kind of job again with full benefits, 4 weeks of vacation, and other perks. i have to accept this is over, i was never really happy there anyways. was a toxic environment, favorites were picked for promotions etc. i know people keep telling me this is a new chapter in your life, you get to decide what you want to do now but i have always stayed with what was safe even if i was not totally happy. i DONT LIKE CHANGE, that is why i am struggling.

but this is the first time in a long time i have been unemployed. i know i need to get into some kind of routine otherwise i will get really depressed, i am still struggling to believe that its over... it doesn't feel real. the only thing i will miss is the routine of work and the friends i made there over the years.

i have self hate towards myself, feel like every job i lost was due to my anxiety, the very little confidence i have when i came back to work is gone, after what they did to me.

i guess i am just venting... i do have a mental support group that i go to as well so that helps to know i am not alone and i am seeing a therapist but they can only do so much, i have to believe that i will get over this and be happy again one day.

i am just so sick of living in fear and sadness.....

[Ylba]

Glad you have support.

I had a similar situation where I took some time off to attend a mood program for depression. While I was gone the firm lost a major client and had to lay a few people off and I was one of the ones chosen. I was only there for a couple of years so I can't understand fully what you're going through. I do know that it wasn't fun trying to find another job. I also was on COBRA and had to pay $519/month to keep my insurance.

Stay strong.

[metalchick]

I am in constant fear of losing my job. As of right now my company is losing accounts and are gaining more floaters like myself. I know I am the odd one out because I live far away from most accounts and have to care for my kids in the am. That means I cannot make it to the early am shift. I am an hour plus late to work everyday. I know I am the first to go.

I live in fear of losing my job a lot. I have been working for 12 years at where I am now. That's the longest I have ever lasted in a job. I know of people who have worked in a place longer than I have who had been let go. It really sucks. I would be so lost if I were to ever lose my job.

You said that you got a package. I would guess that it's some kind severance pay? If so and the place was toxic, then it's a blessing to move on. I know how hard it is to be displaced and have your feelings hurt. That has happened to me in the past.

I hope and pray that you will get something better. Had an ideal job one time and thought I could never get anything better. I lost that job and didn't see it coming. Well, later on, I did!