[OliverB]

Just wonder.

During months I had felt and thought I had to kill myself for humanity sake because of the burden I was and that everyone would be better if I did and, also, that some people actually wanted me dead. It was a duty.

Now I think about it and it is a bit odd

I feel much better than months ago (I don't feel I must die anymore), I laugh a lot and have more energy to the point I look happy, but for some reason at the same time I feel a deep anguish inside, It makes no sense. Actually, I feel like laughing of my anguish, which causes me more anguish and that makes me laugh more

Not because people wanted me dead lol join the list...

But I think the thought of everyday living can be a bit much for many, even if they won't admit it.

However, if you have continuous thoughts about it, in my experience medication holds the key. But you should be careful online because words can/are triggers and professional help would be a wise choice.

I'm not trying to act all high and mighty, yes I think about it probably most when I feel betrayed and broke for the week idk..depressed for no apparent reason..

Stay safe and a little busy

Originally Posted by OliverB

Just wonder.

During months I had felt and thought I had to kill myself for humanity sake because of the burden I was and that everyone would be better if I did and, also, that some people actually wanted me dead. It was a duty.

Now I think about it and it is a bit odd

I feel much better than months ago (I don't feel I must die anymore), I laugh a lot and have more energy to the point I look happy, but for some reason at the same time I feel a deep anguish inside, It makes no sense. Actually, I feel like laughing of my anguish, which causes me more anguish and that makes me laugh more

I can totally relate to this. When I think about how much I have hurt people, I think it's best for them if I did die. It isn't that I "want" to, but that I feel it's, as you put it, a "duty". Never heard anyone else say it til' you did. Thanks.

[ShadowGX]

Yeah, I've often felt I'd be doing the world a favor to off myself. =/ Especially when I lived with my parents because they would constantly remind me that I'm a burden. I didn't leave until I was 27 and they resented me a lot for it. I had a very hard time finding a job I didn't hate and keeping hours that I could move out on.

[stahrgeyzer]

I think there are truly people who do not want to exist. Even when they're happy there's a deep feeling to end it, as if it's their destiny. For years I've felt it was my destiny. Fear keeps me alive. Fear is no good.

[Candy1955]

Why can't it simply be that some people are more in touch with their mortal selves, meaning they are hyper aware of the thin line between life and death. Or like me: I don't want to die, but I don't want this life anymore. Seems to me it would be pretty easy to get those feelings and the desire to die all mixed up and confused.

[MtnTime2896]

How much I relate to this is scary. I've felt it to be my duty for so long, and still do. It's a constant war in my head of "Why fight it?" At one point I was pretty convinced I broke this dimension and in doing so caused the one's I loved pain. Then it became a problem when I came on here, I thought I caused everyone's pain and anguish. It was all my fault. In retrospect, it was my feeling of "destined duty" manifested into delusion. Still, the feelings are there, my "duty" still exists. I hate it. Until this thread, I thought I was the only one who felt it my duty to do it.

[MickeyCheeky]

Yes, sometimes I feel like the world would be better off without me.

[downandlonely]

I think it's distorted thinking due to depression. In truth, suicide hurts family members a lot. I don't think any of them are relieved when a person close to them chooses to end their life. It leads to a lot of guilt for those left behind. But I understand that it's hard to think that way when you're in so much pain.