I don't want to live anymore. What should I do? Euthanasia is not legal anywhere (unless you're terminally ill) and I don't want to live. So it's like wherever I go I need to live, but I don't want to. The pain is unbearable. My psychiatrist doesn't help me.

[MtnTime2896]

I wish I could come up with words to make the pain leave. I wish I could at least comfort you while you feel like this. All I can offer is my presence here. I'm sorry.

There's no need to be sorry... what result you would expect anyway from parents who were

1) Related closely before marriage
2) Mom was born to my grandmother when she was 14-15 (grandmother had child marriage)
3) Father who was born to a construction site worker, they didn't have money for day-to-day life.
4) Threw their infantile child on a wall
5) Put their child into a low-fee pre-primary school because they didn't "have money".
6) Fought over non-existent reasons in front of their child.
7) Abused the child, beating him and scaring him till he vomits... for a government job of course. Justifies.
8) Then isolated the child from rest of the society. So he wouldn't be a bad person when he grows up, and would happily be a class one officer.
9) Didn't let friends come home, whoever their child could possibly befriend, despite being a freak.
10) Didn't teach the child life skills such as riding bicycles and interacting with others.

Honestly, things are this bad. I am talking about the physical pain of insight now. It hurts physically that my health is not good.

[little turtle]

keep telling us how it is...

My legs (upper legs, front) hurt physically. They piss me off.

[mote.of.soul]

Hang in there TLC, I'm real sorry about your childhood. Very awful, the things you've been through and are still going through. Don't lose hope inside those darker thoughts please, TLC. As little turtle said, keep letting those feelings out. I think it's a good therapy, tbh. ((((big_hugs)))) I just want you to know, you're not alone in your despairs.

Originally Posted by TheLonelyChemist

I don't want to live anymore. What should I do? Euthanasia is not legal anywhere (unless you're terminally ill) and I don't want to live. So it's like wherever I go I need to live, but I don't want to. The pain is unbearable. My psychiatrist doesn't help me.

the first thing I'd probhably do is think, why don't I want to live- and is their anything I can do myself to make it better (either yourself, or with help from others)

then I'd talk to your psychiatrist about what you feel will help and what they can do, and if need be, see if you can change psychiatrist

and then, well, their's always this site too. opening up really helps (it does for me)

hang in their

((((hugs))))

Originally Posted by mote.of.soul

Hang in there TLC, I'm real sorry about your childhood. Very awful, the things you've been through and are still going through. Don't lose hope inside those darker thoughts please, TLC. As little turtle said, keep letting those feelings out. I think it's a good therapy, tbh. ((((big_hugs)))) I just want you to know, you're not alone in your despairs.

I don't want to hang in there. Chances are that I'll never recover, or more importantly, my parents will be cured. I do not know how to ride a bicycle. How am I supposed to be an independent adult, and I am already an adult. I just don't want to live, there's no purpose.

Originally Posted by raging vortex

the first thing I'd probhably do is think, why don't I want to live- and is their anything I can do myself to make it better (either yourself, or with help from others)

then I'd talk to your psychiatrist about what you feel will help and what they can do, and if need be, see if you can change psychiatrist

and then, well, their's always this site too. opening up really helps (it does for me)

hang in their

((((hugs))))

I have asked every adult I am close to and some of my teachers about what can be done including my doctors. They all gave a vague response. Teachers tried to gave me therapy, doctors tried to say it's okay even if I live with them. Relatives said they'll try to convince my parents to let me live with them (my relatives.) They never succeeded.

My dad is as well as there in the consulting room with my psychiatrist. I cannot possibly say, "What can I do about my crazy parents?" in front of him, or I'll stop seeing my psychiatrist. I asked last time "What about the environment?", his response was, "Now you've grown up. Don't worry about it." I feel bad, I wanted to be a doctor, but I know it's just nicer way of saying, "Life fked you hard."

Now here I am, weighing 100kg, squinted, unable to do anything, who depends upon his father to go to college, having no friends, significantly academically lagging behind.

[mote.of.soul]

Originally Posted by TheLonelyChemist

I don't want to hang in there. Chances are that I'll never recover, or more importantly, my parents will be cured. I do not know how to ride a bicycle. How am I supposed to be an independent adult, and I am already an adult. I just don't want to live, there's no purpose.

I know, but I'm telling you you should hang in there. I feel your pain TLC, I do. In terms of say learning to ride a bike though, never mind your parents, you can teach yourself to ride the bike one day right? My brother didn't learn to drive a car until he was 24, and we were all cool with that. I was with him on his first lesson, haha, I'll never forget it...He did well actually. I know you have a lot on your mind, a lot of hurt, and rightfully so TLC, but trust me, things can change for the better. I've been there.

Yes, it's a funny old journey, life, full of heartaches and amazing times - times that you never thought would ever arrive, but they did, and you were happy for once in your life. Please don't lose the hope brother.

Don't stress yourself, but I won't hang in anymore. I have had enough.

Originally Posted by TheLonelyChemist

Don't stress yourself, but I won't hang in anymore. I have had enough.

had enough of what?
btw you use very strong words like 'utter destruction', 'shove it up your ***'.
also there are times when you write perfect english and times when you use too much flowery language.
i was wondering....do you dissociate?
and hey! do you want to look like tom cruise in top gun with goggles and bike? but you want to be a doctor and not an air-force guy!
j/k

(((((TheLonelyChemist))))) I wish we could change what you've been through and turn it into the life you deserve, keep talking to us

[mote.of.soul]

Originally Posted by TheLonelyChemist

Don't stress yourself, but I won't hang in anymore. I have had enough.

Yes, you will hang in there. Because you have a very good mind, don't forget. Use that mind to reason, and just get through this day in one piece and worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. Look what House is saying in your sig - he's talking about strength. Inner strength my friend.

I guess he got worked up and went away....

Originally Posted by Desiree2006

had enough of what?
btw you use very strong words like 'utter destruction', 'shove it up your ***'.
also there are times when you write perfect english and times when you use too much flowery language.
i was wondering....do you dissociate?
and hey! do you want to look like tom cruise in top gun with goggles and bike? but you want to be a doctor and not an air-force guy!
j/k

enough of life, I'm guessing

Originally Posted by Desiree2006

I guess he got worked up and went away....

I hope he is okay

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I hope he is okay

yeah me too. he disappeared suddenly....

My God people! I am so happy that this many people replied and wished I am okay!!! I am smiling now... Yes I drank the whole bottle of syrup, and for a good measure took two betablockers, and well nothing happened, I slept for five hours in total (woke up just now.) So I think I may be on either very small doses or placebos....


But I want to thank personally each and every one of you for the support you've shown to me! That means a lot...

Edit : To avoid further confusion, I should add that I am on betonin ast syrup and that it doesn't contain any betablockers despite its name. It contains alcohol.

Originally Posted by Desiree2006

had enough of what?
btw you use very strong words like 'utter destruction', 'shove it up your ***'.
also there are times when you write perfect english and times when you use too much flowery language.
i was wondering....do you dissociate?
and hey! do you want to look like tom cruise in top gun with goggles and bike? but you want to be a doctor and not an air-force guy!
j/k

Well enough b.s to be more specific.


I don't have dissociative identity disorder (I have brain injury, you cannot have both; the symptoms must be caused by psychological problem.) but yes I do dissociate and my wording largely depending upon my mood and situation.

Again thank you people, you made my day. <3