[Fuzzybear]

Hi forum

Some of the recent posts, have made me wonder. Do you think reading here is helpful to you, or does reading some posts “spoil” your mood?

It reminds me of a long time ago someone posted in response to a poster in distress (not me) saying “suicide is selfish and stupid”

To me, that is exactly the sort of thing that someone in distress does NOT want to see or hear.

I think people mostly need/want support and empathy, not lectures or rants in response which rarely have empathy.

What do you need/want when you post if you’re in distress?

Support and empathy. And hope.
I try not to make posts spoil my mood, I try my best to ignore them and concentrate more on the ones that are more positive and encouraging.
Hugs

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Desiree2006

Support and empathy. And hope.

Good post Desiree. I agree

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Good post Desiree. I agree

Sorry I modified it a bit. Hope it's ok.

[Thirty shades]

Originally Posted by Desiree2006

Support and empathy. And hope.

This. Good advice. Understanding too.

Positive tips for when someone is ready to take a baby step into the future.

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Hi forum


Some of the recent posts, have made me wonder. Do you think reading here is helpful to you, or does reading some posts “spoil” your mood?


It reminds me of a long time ago someone posted in response to a poster in distress (not me) saying “suicide is selfish and stupid”


To me, that is exactly the sort of thing that someone in distress does NOT want to see or hear.


I think people mostly need/want support and empathy, not lectures or rants in response which rarely have empathy.


What do you need/want when you post if you’re in distress?

I don’t think I personally need pity. I am looking for a new perspective. I appreciate when other people are compassionate. I appreciate talking with others who have been in my shoes and hearing what helped them get through it. I know I have to put in some work and I feel encouraged by others who have successfully worked at an issue and they are feeling better. ❤️

[Fuzzybear]

I agree, I certainly don’t want “pity”

But nor do I want a rant/lecture

I guess I’m “hard to please” - or am I

[Fuzzybear]

PS we could maybe have a “cheese and whine” thread, maybe, for if people want to vent/post without wanting feedback.. idk. Just an idea.

I also want people to respect my boundaries.

I think it’s ok to vent without having to censor everything.

We can’t always know what might trigger everyone.

I don’t know about “moving forward” (that concept is used so much.. maybe we need a “moving forward” bus ...- I guess only a few here “get me” - and that’s ok. I don’t think that those who “get me” .. “pity” me.

But anyway. I’m not even making sense now.

[MtnTime2896]

Good questions.

Generally, my mood is already ****. If anything, reading peoples threads gets me out of my own mind and places me in someone elses for a few sentences or paragraphs. It gives me insight into other people. There are forums I rarely visit (Survivors of Abuse, Adult Children of Alcoholics, PTSD) because I can become easily triggered by the forums alone, not even the threads, just bringing it up figuratively hits me in the kidney.

What I want from replies to my threads? Honesty and understanding (even if they only understand because of a friend or something). If someone's honest about how they feel, relate and/or believe would help me; it helps me and makes me feel as though I can be honest with myself. Someone who gets it, it makes the "I'm crazy and a freak" feeling less intense.

In the past when I've been open about my suicidality and been told "it's selfish"... it makes me feel 100x worse about myself than I already do. Like, don't they know that's already going through my head constantly?

I think a chees & whine thread would be good.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

What do you need/want when you post if you’re in distress?

Significant distress, when it comes, rapidly overcomes me such that I am unable to post.

[ShadowGX]

Sometimes posts here can spoil my mood, so when I think I'm in one of those moods I just avoid what I can or stick to gen chat only. Otherwise it helps me to see how other people are doing and take my mind off of how I'm feeling.

As for what I prefer when I'm in distress, Desiree put it well. I like to just vent in that case, so if people respond it should not be with a lecture, just support and kindness.

Edit: I forgot to add that I do find it helpful when people ask meaningful questions. One of my first rants here I had just one person reply and he did so a few times, all replies were thought out and engaging and definitely helped me process my feelings.

[Calla lily12]

Other posts don't ruin my mood. I've learned not to expect or need any certain reaction cause if I don't know what I want, how will anyone else?

[Borderline69]

There are 2 types of people, those who need to vent their thoughts and emotions in order to heal or move forward, seek Ts or counseling, talking about their needs and issues with other people makes them feel better or safe or or........
Then there are people like me who wouldn't visit a T or counseling, as our healing and progress doesn't come from talking it out with another. The last thing I want is to share myself emotionally, sharing and talking is draining rather than helpful. Opening up at my own pace with someone who knows me is helpful, someone who knows my past, my history and mostly me. Helpful advice is advice given from a person who has a deeper understanding and experiences of who I am. A person who you have history with is more capable of matching your needs, moreso than a stranger who doesn't share any personal history or experiences with you.

I prefer to sort myself out emotionally by understanding my feelings and knowing what it is I need to heal. I might turn to others if I need advice or opinions after I have decided what is best for myself. Talking about my issues would feel weird and awkward mostly bc it makes more sense for me to ponder my thoughts rather than talk about them . I know I'm not alone as I know others who heal using the same methods.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by ShadowGX

Sometimes posts here can spoil my mood, so when I think I'm in one of those moods I just avoid what I can or stick to gen chat only. Otherwise it helps me to see how other people are doing and take my mind off of how I'm feeling.

As for what I prefer when I'm in distress, Desiree put it well. I like to just vent in that case, so if people respond it should not be with a lecture, just support and kindness.

Edit: I forgot to add that I do find it helpful when people ask meaningful questions. One of my first rants here I had just one person reply and he did so a few times, all replies were thought out and engaging and definitely helped me process my feelings.

I too find it helpful when people ask meaningful and well thought out questions.

Little turtle and Rohag and others on here do this

I agree, when I’m in distress I do not find lectures at all helpful. What I need is support and kindness

[Fuzzybear]

If I ponder my thoughts without writing them down or anything I don’t find that helpful sometimes. I’m sure others agree with me..... I like to get outside my head.

I don’t categorise people into “two types of people”

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Calla lily12

Other posts don't ruin my mood. I've learned not to expect or need any certain reaction cause if I don't know what I want, how will anyone else?

((((( Calla lily ))))))

Good post. I don’t think anyone here “should” be silent just in case someone else .... anyway I’m glad you’re here