[rise13eyond]

Alright let me elaborate, and I will probably go overboard and just rephrase the same thing over and over, so you've been warned.
I can barely count my mental health issues on one hand. TBH it's hit an extreme. Extremely depressed. Extremely anxious. And just DID in general. Yet here I am hiding it all. And doing an extremely good job of it. Why? Well I'm not 100% sure. I guess it's a cluster of reasons. Even so even if I wanted to say something I couldn't. No one's going to take me seriously. No one wants to know anyway. Not with everything else that's going on. My mom is just so glad that she has me and me being stable. I can't shatter that illusion. If I said I was depressed it would get swept under the rug because I've given no outward evidence of that. I look fine so therefore if I were to say I wasn't it would only be because I was exaggerating on a bad day. If I actually showed what I do or wanted to do. (do=self harm, want=suicide) it would only be because I want attention right. I know I have at least 1 family member who think I do it all, have done it because I want attention (not sure who that is but that's besides the point).
I doubt there would be any point of speaking up, because I won't get taken seriously, or because I don't appear to need serious help I wouldn't get any anyway. Life is just a lot of smiling and laughing in front of everyone, then going into my room and destroying myself.

[zapatoes]

Please do speak up if it’s an emergency and you want to self harm.

[Fuzzybear]

You are worthwhile - please do speak up

(It is only me who isn’t worthwhile.. it has been Declared )

[MtnTime2896]

Tell them what you just wrote here. You're hurting and need to speak up.

[Chez3]

I feel much the same way. Though it's irrational to hide such things, I simply can't talk about it. I've determined to tell someone, only for the moment to arise and me not being able to talk properly. Thus, I am stuck in my prison.

[Fuzzybear]

In the unlikely event that a professional irl asks how I’m doing I usually just say “not too bad” I’ve been bitten too many times. And I’m not exaggerating. Why share something scary only to be shamed or worse. but I live in a sub optimal area for mh “services” we are “trained” to feel “less than” and “undeserving” at best. . Everyone else but me deserves help

[rise13eyond]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

In the unlikely event that a professional irl asks how I’m doing I usually just say “not too bad” I’ve been bitten too many times. And I’m not exaggerating. Why share something scary only to be shamed or worse. but I live in a sub optimal area for mh “services” we are “trained” to feel “less than” and “undeserving” at best. . Everyone else but me deserves help

I think form seeing what others say, and I can definitely say this about myself, we all seem to think wee're the exception. Everyone deserves love, help, and happiness...except me. For some mysterious reason I'm that one rarest person to ever exist that doesn't deserve these things.
Although half the problem is that even if people believed I needed and deserved help (you know in the event that I'm not seen as attention seeking or something) my family has so much going on we might as well be our own tiny high school. Our house is under construction, my stepdad is having surgery in a week, we have drama that encompass extended family, my mom is having trouble with my siblings....The other day she came up to me and said it was funny that the child with schizophrenia is the one causing the least amount of problems. So I don't believe anyone would take me seriously and even if I thought they would, it's a really bad time to be bringing this stuff up.

[MtnTime2896]

You know, I feel the same with my family at the moment. Too much is going on with everyone. I tell my mom some things, enough to make her think I'm talking about my issues. Truthfully, I don't tell her the things that are really eating at me. None of my family know that I'm suicidal again (though it's more passive than it was before). I'm even having a hard time talking on here and it's my only real outlet to get this stuff out. What I'm saying is I'm a hypocrite who just wants to make sure you get help.

[rise13eyond]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

You know, I feel the same with my family at the moment. Too much is going on with everyone. I tell my mom some things, enough to make her think I'm talking about my issues. Truthfully, I don't tell her the things that are really eating at me. None of my family know that I'm suicidal again (though it's more passive than it was before). I'm even having a hard time talking on here and it's my only real outlet to get this stuff out. What I'm saying is I'm a hypocrite who just wants to make sure you get help.

Yeah I get online and just go nuts, spewing out my thoughts as they come. I do like the therapist I have now, but for some reason I can't ever bring myself to be out with all of it or completely honest.

[MtnTime2896]

Originally Posted by rise13eyond

Yeah I get online and just go nuts, spewing out my thoughts as they come. I do like the therapist I have now, but for some reason I can't ever bring myself to be out with all of it or completely honest.

I think that will come with time. I was like that for a long time and still get that way. I had to really push myself in order to get to the point where I can speak up. Having online as an outlet is still an outlet, so that's good. Know that you can always PM me if you need to talk.