[MtnTime2896]

So I think my mind's getting paranoid again. I keep having severe trust issues, though I'm hiding them so I can further analyze the situation. I keep thinking I'm being used, betrayed, manipulated and toyed with like some lab rat. I feel as though people are not who they "pretend" to be. As many times as I tell myself that couldn't possibly be, my thoughts become worse. My T must be a master manipulator, same with my friend and my ex. The ones I don't believe are doing that, I don't believe they want me around. I can't really argue with that one. But I tell myself, over and over that none of this could be true because my life cannot be entirely surrounded terrible people and liars. It couldn't be, could it? I keep thinking that I'm not where I'm supposed to be and that I need to "leave the city" as it were. It's not like I want to think like this. I can't stop it. But I don't know if I can trust anyone to tell them this.

I think my sister really ****ed me up. I can't trust like I used to. Why won't she leave my ****ing head? Please....

Possible trigger:

kill me.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Hi Só leighas. It's been awhile since we spoke. I'm not sure what happened between you and your sister? What makes you think thats the reason for your feelings toward others?

Try this exercise:
relax your thoughts.
Think of the people you "dont believe want you around"
Ask yourself "what have they said to support that idea?" then "have they been doing obvious things to show me they would rather be away from me?" then "what could they do or say to make me feel welcomed by them?"

Do the same for those you think are manipulators or liars.

After you have gone through all of what they do/say, go back through each one in the perspective of "how do i feel when they say 'hi'? why do I feel that way? how do i react to them while i am near them? why do i react that way?"

It might give you insight on what's going on n how to resolve it..

[MtnTime2896]

I'll try this and see what I come up with.

My sister, she kinda... manipulated me most of my life. I trusted her the most and she knew that. She used it to her advantage. I don't think anyone in my family or any of my friends understand the extent of what she did to me. I haven't spoken to her in years but that doesn't seem to matter to my mind. It just keeps coming up.

I cannot offer advice, sure as hell. But I want to tell you that you're not alone in this fight. Me, I am intellectually disabled. Unfit for science. It's better if I had Down's syndrome rather than the lethal combinations of the things that are. For me and life, it was never meant to be. **** my grades and my talent, they're nothing compared to my schizophrenic mind and broken body's problems, like parents who won't let an adult do anything else other than reading books.

I am hating science now. If I live 'till the next academic year, I am gonna change streams. You're probably thinking, 'Why do you always bring up careers and field of studies?' the answer is I am not trained to talk about anything else. And I suck at it too, cause academic life and social life (including life skills) aren't mutually exclusive.

Reminds me of the Shining, I read its plot over Wikipedia.

[Fuzzybear]