[Miss P]

Trigger warning ⚠️

I've marked this post with a warning, truth is, I've no idea how to start. Has anyone else ever found it odd, that they can feel real friendships, bonds, etc, with people who they've never met n yet, no longer have any closeness left, with those around them? That is what's happening in my orbit. I love my family, yet, truly? I'd not care, if I never saw them again. I wish them all the very best, but all feelings have gone completely. I'm not sure I will see many of them again.

Thanks to everyone, who has checked in on me....I've been feeling off, for quite sometime actually. I'll be honest, I don't feel I've any right, posting in depression forum...people who knew me, would wonder what I was playing at. In real life you see, at best, I'm anxious, but, even this (according to others) is pushing things. I don't feel suicidal....but living fills me with dread. I've no interest in the world anymore. How do you find joy, keep it? I feel intense, yet, nothing.

I practice mindfulness, am in therapy, and, well, y'kno....doing what we all do, to encourage healing, health, etc. I'm drained, constantly. I know I need to keep pulling my thoughts/self upwards and keep going, but how? How do you do it, when you'd rather just not try anymore? Not because you've simply had enough but, your not even sure what it's for (going on) other than to prove, your not weak?

Apologies for the bleakness. I'm told I blow things out of all perspective, lol, I guess post illustrates this point beautifully. I know things aren't so bad. Kind thanks for giving me the gentle encouragement to post/sound off in here.

Love n strength to all

[Fuzzybear]

[Everyday12]

I understand. I am also doing what Im supposed .Every morning I wake up, its a let down that I'm still alive. I have no desire to interact with the people that I should love. But yet reach out to boards like this or people at work.
I feel dead or maybe it's dulled. I don't have any real reason to feel this way . But I do.

[MotherMidnight]

I haven't figure it out either, how to find reason to carry on everyday within yourself & without external influence. Let's just struggle for awhile.

[Miss P]

Thanks everybody, I'm not too proud to admit, you and a couple of people in real life are what's holding me up right now. I'm finding it quite difficult, not to be completely crud to people just now, and, I'm an up/down Gal, in the best of situations! My mood n attitude are off chart...I am breaking down constantly, like, no apparent reason...just is.

I need to learn resilience. How's this best achieved? How do you even get n keep a realistic sense of perspective? I'm possibly just ranting, but I'd appreciate any good advice, opinion.

Thanks, I know a lot have it so much worse than I, just need to get/stay on top

[MickeyCheeky]

((((Miss P)))) Depression comes in many forms. If you're struggling with finding a purpose in your life and can't seem to find joy, I think it's likely you have depression. The only way to be sure is through a proper diagnosis, though... do you have one? Either way, I'm sorry you're struggling. Is your therapist helping you?

[Miss P]

Thanks (((MC))) my "official diagnosis are, OCD, anxiety (and mild depression, on occasion) but, therapist doesn't think I'm depressed (I've accepted this finally, because, I know, nobody thinks I'm depressed in my life, and I know some depressed folks) my doctor thinks, yes, I'm prone to depression, but not severely. My therapist has told me, I've social anxiety, possible generalised anxiety disorder and ptsd...I've never been diagnosed with anything, other than OCD, anxiety n (moderate) depression, I'm on antidepressants, and my doc said, keep talking to my therapist....I have a lot on my plate to be fair. It's gana take time, but, I know I just need to give everything time. Both doc and T encourage me to keep talking, so, ty for hearing me. I'm feeling overwhelmed right now, but I know there's people in my corner. I needed to get it all out...thanks so much again, all the best x