<font color="purple">The title is so incorrect, I know. In all technicalties, I do very much still want. I want to get stuff for christamas, I want to get therapy and such (after many years of waiting after they dropped me like a hot potato in middle school) but... while these things would be nice- they really aren't at the top of my priority list. If I wanted that nice video game for christmas I can just do chores to earn it, rather then just get it when all I do is cost my parents money to begin with.

I want my dad to get hearing aids (which he can't afford)
I want my mom and stepdad to get out of debt

Those are more important to me then any christmas gift really. I can't help it but feel guilty when they just throw an expensive present on my lap during the holidays when my dad laments at his hearing loss and mom can barely pay the monthly rent.

I've been feeling a bit depressed the past few months too. Not the kind of depression where you are sad, no, the depression were you are so apathetic towards everything (even what you love) that the only real thing that I can really do is lay down, and if I'm tired just sleep. My dad asks (and I quote) "What the hell has gotten into you lately?" and in all honesty...I don't quite know... everytime I ask myself that, I just get really sad and feel like crying. </font>

[nowheretorun]

yeah, i know what you're saying... if i think about it, there's a lot to be sad about... i know i can only do something about some of it though..