I can't take it anymore!

We have lost our house and have no place to live. My mom won't let me move in and my husbands father does not seem to want to help either. I found us an apartment but the only way to afford it is for me to work. I am on disability for a reason dam it. My husband basically tells me that it is my fault if I don't work and that we are homeless. ITS NOT MY FAULT! Actually it is his. We would not be in this place if it were not for his compulsive spending eairler this year. He has a problem and refuses to admit it and get help. Now he is in a wheel chair and can't walk, and has heart problems. They are not real problems though. The docs told me that he has a conversion disorder and that the only way for him to get better is to admit something mentally is wrong and to hit rock bottom. I don't know anything about this condition or how to help him. I want to leave him. But I feel so guilty about leaving someone ill. Anyhow I want to SI very badly. I can't control the urge much longer. I am so upset with myself for thinking this way. I have not SI in two years. Its about to go up in smoke. I also know how I am. If I do it once I will want to do it again and again. Someone please help me or give me some advice on how to deal with my husbands conversion disorder.

That is a difficult and unpleasant situation you are in, especially when your husband insists on being part of the problem and not part of the solution.

What I can see in what you said about your husband's conversion disorder is that it serves a purpose for him. You break your neck to take care of him, and feel too guilty to leave him because he is sick. That's a pretty big payoff for him, don't you think?

When you have a loved one who refuses to get help for their problems, sometimes that best way to deal with it is to get therapy for yourself. It can help you to cope with the things that fall on you, and strategies for dealing with the challenging person (or people) in your life. Maybe you could get him to join you for a "couples" session, and the therapist could talk him into going further from there. Or maybe it will help you to clarify your options and decide what is best for you.

I know that money is tight for you, but look into free or low-cost therapy based on your income.

TC,
Rap

*hugs* Please keep your 2 years in mind, I know that when I gave in to the pressure to SI especially after a long time of not I always felt angry and upset with myself. I am sorry to hear about all your troubles. I don't belive that you should stay with someone just because you feel guilty. it sounds like your husband is doing all of this to himself and he is pulling you down with him. Please try to take a step back from the situation and see if it is really worth it to try and work it out. Or get of there and do what is right and best for YOU! *HUGS*