First of all, thanks all for your kind memories with me over these months at this forums.

I was thinking medically a while ago about my own health, and here's something I noticed...

I drool while falling asleep. I face shortness of breath during sleep. I have bad cough. My legs had cramps (which are probably controlled by meds now). My reflexes have become overactive (just as I am falling asleep, I think about what happened and my body reacts just to the thought of it)


Not only that, I also have vocal cord spasms. I also had very very severe cold recently, which wasn't getting better by anything else other than Levocetirizine. That means there's some neuromuscular problems in my nose, which hurts pretty badly since recent.

I also have difficulty walking. My pulse was 133 last time I visited the doctor. He then prescribed me Levoceitrizine and told me it's "the only med you require."

All this points to amyotrophic lateral sclerosis. My new internist noticed this and prescribed me a herbal medicine so I'll have more muscles... and also he prescribed me a herbal medicine which was supposedly for allergic bronchitis, but they were ineffective for the time being. It was three visits ago, and the second last time he told me to not take the meds anymore. They were ineffective.


My coughs are less now (or I am losing the sensation) but it still hurts when I cough and I get the sudden urge to vomit.

My vomit. It was solid a while ago, the last time I threw up. That means my digestion isn't good... or at least it has turned out to be like this recently. Another neuromuscular problem.

This ALL points to ALS... it's funny really, I think I knew it before that's why I chose Stephen Hawking as my idol. That means I am going to die within the next two to three years...


So my friends, my internist does check for my neuromuscular atrophy progression, and that means one day I'll just wake up and be confined to wheel chair... so I may not be able to be with you all as long as I had planned....

Yes, that's what I think. But it'd be too late to write this once one of my limbs becomes paralyzed, that's why I am writing this now.

Thank you all, every and each one of you, for being with me. I am going to put this link on my profile, just so you'll know I am with the stars once again.

It's hard to not cry, especially after I had wanted to die for so long... I had so many years left to live, if it wasn't for the very diseases that destroyed me and I wanted to destroy not for me but for everyone.

I'd have written, "Goodbye, all!" but it's not my time for me to leave yet as I am not paralyzed yet. But when I am, I just would want to thank you. For everything. It's an online forum, yes, but it's the one that gave me some relief.... and every little bit helps.

Thank you again. I will be with you somewhere, later.... just remember, struggle to not make only yourself feel happy, but for others as well!

[Thirty shades]

TheLonelyChemist has a doctor confirmed your diagnosis?

It is a great worry our health. You are a good friend to many here. My thoughts are with you at such a difficult time.

I really hope you are wrong, you would be sadly missed.

[BlueMoonBlueEarth]

I don't post often, but I had to reply to this one. I am so sorry to hear this. Yes, I'm trying to not cry too. I have seen you around recently giving light to others and I come back to the question, why do the kind candles burn out?

I am glad you are here. Thank you.

Originally Posted by TheLonelyChemist

First of all, thanks all for your kind memories with me over these months at this forums.

I was thinking medically a while ago about my own health, and here's something I noticed...

I drool while falling asleep. I face shortness of breath during sleep. I have bad cough. My legs had cramps (which are probably controlled by meds now). My reflexes have become overactive (just as I am falling asleep, I think about what happened and my body reacts just to the thought of it)


Not only that, I also have vocal cord spasms. I also had very very severe cold recently, which wasn't getting better by anything else other than Levocetirizine. That means there's some neuromuscular problems in my nose, which hurts pretty badly since recent.

I also have difficulty walking. My pulse was 133 last time I visited the doctor. He then prescribed me Levoceitrizine and told me it's "the only med you require."

All this points to amyotrophic lateral sclerosis. My new internist noticed this and prescribed me a herbal medicine so I'll have more muscles... and also he prescribed me a herbal medicine which was supposedly for allergic bronchitis, but they were ineffective for the time being. It was three visits ago, and the second last time he told me to not take the meds anymore. They were ineffective.


My coughs are less now (or I am losing the sensation) but it still hurts when I cough and I get the sudden urge to vomit.

My vomit. It was solid a while ago, the last time I threw up. That means my digestion isn't good... or at least it has turned out to be like this recently. Another neuromuscular problem.

This ALL points to ALS... it's funny really, I think I knew it before that's why I chose Stephen Hawking as my idol. That means I am going to die within the next two to three years...


So my friends, my internist does check for my neuromuscular atrophy progression, and that means one day I'll just wake up and be confined to wheel chair... so I may not be able to be with you all as long as I had planned....

Yes, that's what I think. But it'd be too late to write this once one of my limbs becomes paralyzed, that's why I am writing this now.

Thank you all, every and each one of you, for being with me. I am going to put this link on my profile, just so you'll know I am with the stars once again.

It's hard to not cry, especially after I had wanted to die for so long... I had so many years left to live, if it wasn't for the very diseases that destroyed me and I wanted to destroy not for me but for everyone.

I'd have written, "Goodbye, all!" but it's not my time for me to leave yet as I am not paralyzed yet. But when I am, I just would want to thank you. For everything. It's an online forum, yes, but it's the one that gave me some relief.... and every little bit helps.

Thank you again. I will be with you somewhere, later.... just remember, struggle to not make only yourself feel happy, but for others as well!

I hate it when you say "months"

I noticed you only joined in june of this year (it seems like I've known you for a lot longer, it really does!). I suppose that's because you've just blended in to the PC family- you know, I wonder if the lonely chemist has messaged us today... I imagine so- that kind of thing.

I want to thank you for being here- and especially giving me encouragement to continue posting the stories in the " stories for the littles", thread- which I still do even if less often now.

((((hugs)))))

I hope you will continue using the forum to the very end- until you can't anymore

but if not.. that's okay

I understand

Originally Posted by Thirty shades

TheLonelyChemist has a doctor confirmed your diagnosis?

It is a great worry our health. You are a good friend to many here. My thoughts are with you at such a difficult time.

I really hope you are wrong, you would be sadly missed.

My internist is looking for muscle weakness and even checked if I have "nasal speech" and also gave me some medicine for muscle nourishment. Although he did not directly say, "You have ALS", that's what most probably future holds for me. I do show muscle weakness. He's still probably waiting for the disease to progress and for a diagnosis to be made.

Thank you Thirty Shades. I will also miss you all dearly.

Originally Posted by BlueMoonBlueEarth

I don't post often, but I had to reply to this one. I am so sorry to hear this. Yes, I'm trying to not cry too. I have seen you around recently giving light to others and I come back to the question, why do the kind candles burn out?

I am glad you are here. Thank you.

I cannot thank you more. Your sympathy matters to me. My best wishes to you.

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I hate it when you say "months"

I noticed you only joined in june of this year (it seems like I've known you for a lot longer, it really does!). I suppose that's because you've just blended in to the PC family- you know, I wonder if the lonely chemist has messaged us today... I imagine so- that kind of thing.

I want to thank you for being here- and especially giving me encouragement to continue posting the stories in the " stories for the littles", thread- which I still do even if less often now.

((((hugs)))))

Thank you Raging. I wasn't expecting so much support. Thank you, especially for being with me through these tough times. It seems there isn't a dear ending, however, at least I will be in a better place soon. I initially wanted to just ask for advice on my family issues, but since there was no one to really talk to, I decided to stay here.

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I hope you will continue using the forum to the very end- until you can't anymore

but if not.. that's okay

I understand

Yes Raging, this is what I plan to. Lately I've been showing very bad cough. One possibility is breathing muscles are affected by ALS, and that's why I am not on any meds for breathing problems. The ones I was on were discontinued by my doctor because they were ineffective. I plan to stay here until one day I just wake up too weak to use my computer.

[MtnTime2896]

I don't know what to say. I guess I'm hoping it isn't true. You're a great friend on here and have helped remind me to keep fighting and not let that **** win. I care about you a lot Chem. Please take good care. Message me anytime.

[MickeyCheeky]

((((TheLonelyChemist)))) I have never hoped so much in my life that someone was wrong... It's so heartbreaking. I hope you're wrong, but if you're not, just know that you're a wonderful, kind, intelligent, marvellous person and that you'll be missed by many here. I hope you'll stay with us until the very end... Take good care of yourself, my friend. You have done a lot more good to this world that you can imagine.

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

I don't know what to say. I guess I'm hoping it isn't true. You're a great friend on here and have helped remind me to keep fighting and not let that **** win. I care about you a lot Chem. Please take good care. Message me anytime.

I don't know what to say either. It's ironic how I tell others to live and as soon as I notice a terminal disease I am like "I AM FREEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!"... I guess there needs to be research done on it. Haha.

Humor aside, I probably don't have much time left. My breathing problems have become quite severe, I have bad cough which hurts, I have the urge to vomit once I cough just enough for the itch to subside, I am sweating more than usual, my back hurts... I just wanted to tell you all this before it's too late.

So, you are a good friend to me too. I wish everything just goes out well for you. What you're dealing with is even worse than what I am going through... if not "well", I'd just want it to be at least decent. What I've learned in life is not that ANYTHING CANNOT GO WELL ENOUGH FOR US. Everything is flawed, and even our flawed science cannot fix it... what can fix it, if not the greatest tool known to mankind? Answer may be "adjustment and acceptance", most probably.

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

((((TheLonelyChemist)))) I have never hoped so much in my life that someone was wrong... It's so heartbreaking. I hope you're wrong, but if you're not, just know that you're a wonderful, kind, intelligent, marvellous person and that you'll be missed by many here. I hope you'll stay with us until the very end... Take good care of yourself, my friend. You have done a lot more good to this world that you can imagine.

I... don't know how to react to such a beautiful person's opinion about me... I hope I am not wrong, to say at least. I don't see any of it improving for me... all I ever wanted to do was make the world a better place, but it seems there's no need to. Just because of people like you, who are more compassionate than me, to say at least.... Thank you, for everything.

[Thirty shades]

We are all so much better off, for knowing you TLC. I will be here for you until you can no longer join us.

Your are totally inspirational to us all.

[katydid777]

Originally Posted by TheLonelyChemist

I... don't know how to react to such a beautiful person's opinion about me... I hope I am not wrong, to say at least. I don't see any of it improving for me... all I ever wanted to do was make the world a better place, but it seems there's no need to. Just because of people like you, who are more compassionate than me, to say at least.... Thank you, for everything.

TLC, I want you to know that you have made a difference in this world, at the very least on here, PC. Weather you realize it or not, you have given very good advice, and when you can't you give support. Know you have, and do make a difference, and we will hate to not be able to post with you. I pray that this takes a very long time. I know I am talking selfish. I know You, & I haven't talked much, but I have read a lot, and feel as if I have known you a long time, even though we don't know each other at all. Just know deep in your heart you have made a difference in many lives. I (((((((HOPE, And PRAY))))))) that it will be a long time before this gets that bad!!!!!!!

Originally Posted by katydid777

TLC, I want you to know that you have made a difference in this world, at the very least on here, PC. Weather you realize it or not, you have given very good advice, and when you can't you give support. Know you have, and do make a difference, and we will hate to not be able to post with you. I pray that this takes a very long time. I know I am talking selfish. I know You, & I haven't talked much, but I have read a lot, and feel as if I have known you a long time, even though we don't know each other at all. Just know deep in your heart you have made a difference in many lives. I (((((((HOPE, And PRAY))))))) that it will be a long time before this gets that bad!!!!!!!

I do think I have made a difference in the world by being here on PC... which in itself is amazing, how the internet can affect a person's life positively... I was never good at giving advice, so I appreciate for making me acknowledge the fact that I actually gave some good advice! It's just that I never realized that I have given some advice, never felt that way.

You know, a few days ago I created a thread over reddit and asked which subject should I specialize in to be able to do research on neurological conditions. I literally even added 'psychiatric disorders' on the post and hence, as everyone knows research is very specific and I was talking about two entire fields of medicine combined, people did not take me seriously and one guy told me to "download the TriviaSpar app" That was sarcasm, telling me since I am not good at the practical course, I shouldn't be in the field of science...

That affected me a lot and I eventually deleted the thread. I was like, "I was doing it for us! Why?" It's another story entirely I recovered and posted another thread, but yes I am glad I am on PC.

Mom's paranoia relapsed. That means I am going to be emotionally abused and no internet access for me... Bye all. Have to keep this short.

[MickeyCheeky]

You'll stop using the Internet? We will miss you so much... is there any way you can convince your mother?

I can sneak out for a while.

Originally Posted by TheLonelyChemist

Thank you Raging. I wasn't expecting so much support. Thank you, especially for being with me through these tough times. It seems there isn't a dear ending, however, at least I will be in a better place soon. I initially wanted to just ask for advice on my family issues, but since there was no one to really talk to, I decided to stay here.

how soon is " soon"

meaning, have they given you a time frame or anything

[MickeyCheeky]

We will miss you so much, TheLonelyChemist Many, many hugs to you

[Thirty shades]

Originally Posted by katydid777

TLC, I want you to know that you have made a difference in this world, at the very least on here, PC. Weather you realize it or not, you have given very good advice, and when you can't you give support. Know you have, and do make a difference, and we will hate to not be able to post with you. I pray that this takes a very long time. I know I am talking selfish. I know You, & I haven't talked much, but I have read a lot, and feel as if I have known you a long time, even though we don't know each other at all. Just know deep in your heart you have made a difference in many lives. I (((((((HOPE, And PRAY))))))) that it will be a long time before this gets that bad!!!!!!!

Well said Katy.

Originally Posted by raging vortex

how soon is " soon"

meaning, have they given you a time frame or anything

I haven't been explicitly told I have ALS. However, my doctor did prescribe me herbal medicine for muscle nourishment. Did he tell, "You may have ALS", of course not cause I am not from the US and here doctors aren't obligated to anything. They actually have little authority here.

But as my muscles are becoming weaker and weaker and I show some signs of the disease, I believe I may have ALS. To be brutally honest, I just want to die.

[SalingerEsme]

Gabor Mate writes beautifully about ALS, and hope. Sending you hope.

Thank you! You introduced Dr.Gabor Mate to me and I look forward to read his work. Are there any free resources available? I doubt his books will be available in my country.