[turquoisesea]

First please tell me if this post is out of place. I don't want to bring anyone down, or to be annoying, or not follow the rules, etc.

I just felt like I needed some outlet is all.

I hate this... for a while I've just been gliding on as normal... but normal is just so lifeless. A while back a month or two I really felt upset about things... but lately and for a while... I've just been going through the motions. I don't feel especially happy, I'm not gushing tears. I cant even remember the last time I cried.
Sometimes it just feels so numb. I hate feeling that way. I miss having fun at something.
I feel like I'm always just putting up a facade in front of everyone I see... "How are you today?" "Good, you?"
I'm again.. not sure why I'm even posting this, sorry if I'm bothering anyone.

[nowheretorun]

no bother tuquoise... what you describe is similar to what a lot of people say when they first start up..

i have a theory that depression is present in a variety of afflictions.. its an appropriate place and you are appropriate..

take some time to explore the site... you may find connections in many areas... pleasure meeting another "sufferer".. we can all get through this together...

[bipolar_bear]

You aren't bothering anyone at all. We are all here to support one another and that includes you. I am sorry that you are feeling so numb and lifeless right now. That is such an aweful place to be in. Do you have someone to talk to? Sometimes that helps. Thnngs do get better although I hear you that it does not seem so now. Please keep posting if it is helping.

BB

[Cyran0]

Turq, I've spent looooong spans of time in that exact state. In fact, a few months ago that feeling made me decide to quit taking my meds. I wanted a fuller range of emotions. This was a bad choice on my part and now I'm working on getting out of a really bad patch.

But what is that numb thing? I'm starting to believe that it's that we get used to low levels of chronic anxiety and depression. It's just strong enough that it becomes emotional white noise, muting the dynamic range of feelings we should be having.

Major episodes are easy to recognize but more subtle, background problems rob you of your "self" without (seemingly) being big enough to warrant those major episode level's of treatment and attention.

I could be wrong about this as I'm still waiting to get back into therapy but my gut tells me I'm right.

Cyran0

[mrsmoggles]

You have hit nail on head. I had stopped my citalapram(celexa) and took one of the wellbutrin away (which i have now doubled back up on) and I didnt know i was so bad off until i cried every time i had to ask someone for help or had a confrontation with pharmacist or stand up for myself...now i am stuck in a rut, trying to be loving and caring and well rounded for hubby and mom and show i am doing so well, the crack in the my mind is getting wider and wider and i hope my doc gets back to me and says go to psych...i just have not wanted to go there. i know all the complacent right correct words to say and no one bothers to look a little deeper and see the facade is cracked and i am going down for the count. but i can't because i am needed.

so, hugggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggsssssssssssssssssssssss to everyone!!!! ~ Melanie

[Cyran0]

MrsM, I hope you start feeling better.

And as Leonard Cohen put it, "There's a crack in everything. It's how the light gets in."

Cyran0