[cryingontheinside]

I don't get how my brain works and how its ruining my life . i can't control it no matter how hard i try . yes i know i have mental health problems but i don't understand why i can't do what i need to do to improve my life . i repeat the same mistakes over and over and over . im such a freak !

I can't manage my money , I'm in debt , i can't stop binge eating . i live in a pig sty. I never buy clothes , i look terrible . im not naked obviously but the clothes i wear are so old . my TV is broken and has been for about 6 weeks now and i haven't sorted it out still . I've been cut off my contract phone because i was using it to phone physics and make google play store purchases on games even though i knew i shouldn't but i couldn't stop myself .
Now i don't know what to tell my dad about my phone being cut off . if i tell him the truth he will be furious at me and im scared even though i know he wont hit me im just scared of causing him to be disappointed and abandoning me even though im an adult . i can't think of a food realustic lie i can tell him .
My life is such a mess .
Every time i phones the physics they kept telling me im gonna meet a man . 1 i don't want to 2 i barely go out to meet anyone and 3 nobody would want me , im ugly and can't control my life.
Yes i am a freak . i don't know what to do any more .
I think i should give up or consider suicide even though deep down that's not what i want but things are never gonna get better because I've tried and I've tried and I've tried .
Sorry . sorry that i exist and breath air . sorry that i am such a bad patgetic dissapointment

[mote.of.soul]

No, please don't think that (((cryingontheinside))). Going by what you've mentioned in other posts, you struggle, like a lot of us here. It just means you're not too well & finding it difficult to cope because of mental health issues, in my opinion. That's why you're seeking solace in other areas through your phone - which can be quite addictive.

Keep reaching out here please cryingontheinside, and just tell your father the truth. It's the best way. Keep trying and trying and don't give up.

[cryingontheinside]

Originally Posted by mote.of.soul

No, please don't think that (((cryingontheinside))). Going by what you've mentioned in other posts, you struggle, like a lot of us here. It just means you're not too well & finding it difficult to cope because of mental health issues, in my opinion. That's why you're seeking solace in other areas through your phone - which can be quite addictive.


Keep reaching out here please cryingontheinside, and just tell your father the truth. It's the best way. Keep trying and trying and don't give up.

Im terrified to tell my father . he will reject me again . he will be furious and the worst part disappointed . nobody in real life understands me . they don't know what I'm going through and how i can't cope . thanks for caring

[FriendlyJoe]

Originally Posted by cryingontheinside

I don't get how my brain works and how its ruining my life . i can't control it no matter how hard i try . yes i know i have mental health problems but i don't understand why i can't do what i need to do to improve my life . i repeat the same mistakes over and over and over . im such a freak !

I can't manage my money , I'm in debt , i can't stop binge eating . i live in a pig sty. I never buy clothes , i look terrible . im not naked obviously but the clothes i wear are so old . my TV is broken and has been for about 6 weeks now and i haven't sorted it out still . I've been cut off my contract phone because i was using it to phone physics and make google play store purchases on games even though i knew i shouldn't but i couldn't stop myself .
Now i don't know what to tell my dad about my phone being cut off . if i tell him the truth he will be furious at me and im scared even though i know he wont hit me im just scared of causing him to be disappointed and abandoning me even though im an adult . i can't think of a food realustic lie i can tell him .
My life is such a mess .
Every time i phones the physics they kept telling me im gonna meet a man . 1 i don't want to 2 i barely go out to meet anyone and 3 nobody would want me , im ugly and can't control my life.
Yes i am a freak . i don't know what to do any more .
I think i should give up or consider suicide even though deep down that's not what i want but things are never gonna get better because I've tried and I've tried and I've tried .
Sorry . sorry that i exist and breath air . sorry that i am such a bad patgetic dissapointment

For the money spending I use a ledger. I write all my Bill's down for the month with the estimated cost using last month bills. I then will write in the actual cost as they come in. I write down every purchase I make. I've bought cars before because I know exactly how much I have. If I end one of my hobbies and free up extra money I look at it as money to buy something else. I feel better knowing I can afford it. Even though I dont really need a car, since I have 3 BMWs at home.

As for not being able to control yourself. Having a friend you can message or call is always helpful. I've been using this system and it's been really helpful as of a few months about when I adopted it. I've actually stopped myself from getting another Gucci belt and shoes. I dont need them and it's very overpriced. I love shopping more than the product itself. I have a garage full of unopened merchandise that I'll usually give away eventually when I have no idea what I'd use it for.

Dont be too hard on yourself, its not we do things on purpose.

[mikimostar]

Originally Posted by cryingontheinside

I don't get how my brain works and how its ruining my life . i can't control it no matter how hard i try . yes i know i have mental health problems but i don't understand why i can't do what i need to do to improve my life . i repeat the same mistakes over and over and over . im such a freak !

I can't manage my money , I'm in debt , i can't stop binge eating . i live in a pig sty. I never buy clothes , i look terrible . im not naked obviously but the clothes i wear are so old . my TV is broken and has been for about 6 weeks now and i haven't sorted it out still . I've been cut off my contract phone because i was using it to phone physics and make google play store purchases on games even though i knew i shouldn't but i couldn't stop myself .
Now i don't know what to tell my dad about my phone being cut off . if i tell him the truth he will be furious at me and im scared even though i know he wont hit me im just scared of causing him to be disappointed and abandoning me even though im an adult . i can't think of a food realustic lie i can tell him .
My life is such a mess .
Every time i phones the physics they kept telling me im gonna meet a man . 1 i don't want to 2 i barely go out to meet anyone and 3 nobody would want me , im ugly and can't control my life.
Yes i am a freak . i don't know what to do any more .
I think i should give up or consider suicide even though deep down that's not what i want but things are never gonna get better because I've tried and I've tried and I've tried .
Sorry . sorry that i exist and breath air . sorry that i am such a bad patgetic dissapointment

I am reading you post and kind of recognizing me. Online spending is my weakness too. What is preventing me from spending too much is buying gift cards at store with limited amount. I found this safe way to prevent overspending and giving away my credit card numbers.