I've hit rock bottom again

It's hard to get dressed. It's hard to bathe. I bathe about every three days and it's so hard to pull myself out of the bathtub. I'm too tired to take a shower. I'm not interested in college, in fact, it's a large stressor but I have to do it or I can't have a baby with my husband. I can't grocery shop by myself. I don't do chores around the house. Dishes pile up. I say spiteful things to my husband. We get into arguments. We barely do anything together because I don't feel like doing anything. I'm thirty pounds overweight and have no motivation to exercise. I want to just die, but I'm not going to kill myself. And at the same time I'm terrified of death and of having bad health. I feel like I am sinking under too fast for me to do anything about it.

I'm sorry for how you feel, LittleEarthquakes


It seems you're really stressed, are you seeing any doctor or psychotherapist? Maybe you're having a bit of an existential crysis
Please try to be kind to yourself
You're precious

yes, medication has failed and various types of therapy have failed. i think my depression stems from anxiety and fear of living my life in case something dangerous happens. i'm also terrified of abandonment, and of being humiliated. so i don't branch out of my shell to people. i guess in my mind my disorders keep me safe so i'm unconsciously holding onto them. don't know how to let them go.

I can DEEPLY relate, @LittleEarthquakes. I'm the same way! It's hard to live when we're depressed... I think you're REALLY strong although you may not see it at the moment. I'd suggest to take things slowly. One day at the time, one hour at the time. As slowly as it's necessary. I'm sure you've got this. Just remember to treat yourself with kindness because you absolutely deserve it. Please be kind to yourself and do what you can, one step at the time. You're stronger than you believe! We can do this. I'm sure you can. Styart by somethign simple, like doing your dishes for example. Anything that can help. You can do this... it just takes a little effort, that's all. But it DOES get easier! You're stronger than you think! Please ALWAYS remember that! Feel free to PM me ANYTIME when you're in need of Advice and Support. i'm sure plenty of others will gladly help as well! I'M SURE OF THAT! Remember that you are very much LOVED here! THAT'S A PROMISE! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH You, @LittleEarthquakes, your Baby, your Family, your Friends, your Husband and ALL Of Your Loved Ones! PLEASE KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING LIKE YOU'RE ALREADY WONDERFULLY DOING ALL AND ENTIRELY BY YOURSELF!

LittleEarthquakes

You are not alone. A vicious cycle of depression and anxiety is tiring and confusing to others. But we understand here