[Breaking Dawn]

Something tells me I need to watch out for adding harmful doomsday thinking to a situation that's difficult enough. So I'm trying to keep track of my thoughts & make sure they are helpful to me.

Originally Posted by Rose76

This is going to be like small pox. Until there's a vaccine AND almost everyone gets vaccinated, it will be in our midst - lurking. I'm depressed.

When more and more become well again after being affected with the virus, the virus will find less and less "good soil" to grow in. The chances to get it will not be so high as now. Some of us (the risk group) will not be 100 % safe until we can be vaccinated in one to one and a half year from now


It is also important to understand that not everybody in the risk group will die of it. (I don't want to take the chance). It's OK that we from time to time lose hope ... So it is to be human!

I feel better today!

[Buffy01]

I feel so bad today. I been feeling really down. I'm so tired of seeing other people accomplished things that I will never accomplished.

[3rd rock]

I'm at work and it's very frustrating that there are quite a few people who openly defy company policy that says all employees must speak English at work. They don't seem to have any conception that it's extremely rude to continue to speak in their language despite being among a person or people who speak only English. It helps make working for my employer an unpleasant experience.

[Rose76]

Depressed. Apathetic.

[TishaBuv]

Feeling up! Aside from Corona concerns, all is well right now. We are speaking to our son again, miracles of miracles! We are doing well with each other, husband and I! I am enjoying having my two other sons here with us during this time. It’s a pleasure to have the college son here. The high school son is taking his classes online and so is the college one. It’s nice to have a full house and be busy with making meals and cleaning. I made peace with my other family the best I could. I reached out to all of them (even the couple who stabbed me in the back over my son). They only cursory gave one comment in the email chain and then wanted nothing to do with the family reunion I arranged online. So it’s on them and not me, whew! So, all is well at this moment!

[Breaking Dawn]

Dear @TishaBuv, I am so happy for you! And it does seem like a beautiful miracle. Thank you for sharing this wonderful news!

[giddykitty]

in case you don't follow my journal updates...sending well wishes to everyone! *hugs

I've been on a break from the forums for awhile and might not stay long now either because of x, y, and z, but I have finally had that appointment with my GP and things are finally starting to progress in the sense that he's really getting a better idea of me and with what's going on. He was concerned about my moods specifically, so we spent a good amount of time discussing this and I recounted my latest elevated mood episode which I was finishing up as I spoke with him. He asked me "do you ever do anything reckless like driving at high speeds or spending a lot of money that you don't have?" I said, well, no. I don't do anything really reckless like that. "what about (and now I can't remember the exact wording but like) writing excessive or lengthy emails or messages?" and I said, "well, perhaps I did in the past, but now I seem to have that in control. If someone lets me and is receptive of longer messages, I do that, but if I get the sense that they don't want to talk or if I'm just getting to know someone, I try to keep it short. He said, "well then you don't have hypomania". I am relieved in the sense that I don't have to take more medications and that I can enjoy the highs that I do get, but I'm also just still stumped by what this is that I DO have. I mean, these are abnormal highs for me...or these are not my typical moods and more elevated than just having a good day. It's odd.

Oh and then now we are into the topic of marital help. I'd mentioned that I was having some issues and kinda wanted him to advise couple's counseling. This was after the appointment though, so he couldn't speak with my husband for his side of the story. He messaged me back asking if we could do another session. Well, turns out, hubby is refusing to talk to him about this. I told this to doctor tonight. Will hopefully see what he says tomorrow.

Meanwhile, it's strange, but hubby was very affectionate and comforting-like tonight and we actually cuddled. (my anger from the past few days finally subsiding some but we still have issues). It was really nice and comfortable, though it makes me kinda wonder if it's just his way of keeping me from pursuing outside help for us. I really think it's needed though.

Originally Posted by 3rd rock

I'm at work and it's very frustrating that there are quite a few people who openly defy company policy that says all employees must speak English at work. They don't seem to have any conception that it's extremely rude to continue to speak in their language despite being among a person or people who speak only English. It helps make working for my employer an unpleasant experience.

Seems like a strange and abusive company policy. As someone who grew up speaking two languages and lives in a place where many people speak Spanish (I do not speak Spanish) I can guarantee that people are not talking about you or trying to be rude. When people have conversations in Spanish at work I simply try to learn Spanish.

Emotional abuse includes racism and being forced to whitewash yourself—hack parts of your soul off—to survive. Language is a form of colonization. In these COVID-19 times racial tensions are mounting. I’m afraid to leave the house more due to my race than the virus. Check yourself.

[3rd rock]

Originally Posted by the walls

Seems like a strange and abusive company policy. As someone who grew up speaking two languages and lives in a place where many people speak Spanish (I do not speak Spanish) I can guarantee that people are not talking about you or trying to be rude. When people have conversations in Spanish at work I simply try to learn Spanish.

Emotional abuse includes racism and being forced to whitewash yourself—hack parts of your soul off—to survive. Language is a form of colonization. In these COVID-19 times racial tensions are mounting. I’m afraid to leave the house more due to my race than the virus. Check yourself.

Why don't you check yourself? No one is trying to colonize you or destroy your identity. The situations I'm talking about don't even resemble the bizarre and paranoid accusations you project onto my post. At no point did I suggest or imply that I think they're talking about me, only that it's rude to exclude others by knowingly communicating in a language not all can speak, which it is.

A little more context. These people--these few people--can speak English, like all who work at my company, including all of the many who don't speak English as a first language. Unlike most such people, these people often choose to converse in their own language rather loudly even when in the presence of others who can't speak it. I'm not talking about brief conversations had when no one's around. No one is hired who can't speak English, and in any case the public language here is English, not Hindi, Urdu, Bengali, or whatever. They will often carry on extended conversations around others, pause to turn to me and speak in English for 1 or 2 sentences, then turn back and continue carrying on their private conversation in their private language. For emphasis, I don't believe they are talking about me or conspiring against me, merely that they're being extremely rude to those who can't speak their language. I am not racist or participating in racial abuse, imaginary or real. I'm complaining about rudeness.

I have not felt well today. Hope to be able to use my toolbox better tomorrow!

suicidal and stressed.

suicidal mainly from voices, stressed mainly from people being annoying

I also totally wasted my day today.

watched a bit of tv but that's it

[MimiBhaduri0]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I also totally wasted my day today.

watched a bit of tv but that's it

Hugs and much love to you.
Please hang in there.

[Rose76]

horribly depressed earlier. Took some Ritalin. It made me talkative, which got me out of my head a bit. My bf did some listening. I'm feeling improved.

His breathing was bad in the middle of the night. That has improved. So I'm less anxious and less overwhelmed by his needs.

[Breaking Dawn]

Thank you for the update, @Rose76! So good to hear the better news!

Did my usual stuff for Saturday. I had to wait an hour to get into a store today. Feeling a bit irritable, especially with my neighbors.

I'm being self destructive at the moment, but having to be with someone who has been inconsiderate and unthoughtful on a day that means a bit to me, has been making me feel horribly depressed. I want to just not give a f what others do or say to me.

[Buffy01]

My emotions are all over the place.