[sugahorse1]

I know we can suffer from depression with psychosis, but was is your perception of how it feels?

I sometimes wonder if I suffer from psychosis, or if it is depression with extreme anxiety.

From what I gather, psychosis does not have to include hallucinations (Visual or hearing voices). I definitely don't have that.

My depression just lands up so deep (NOT SUICIDAL) but painful. An open hole in my heart. I feel such chronic loneliness. And this is where I keep having people tell me it is not true. That they are there for me, and they do care. But I can't shake this feeling.
Would that still classify as psychosis? I know at the time, or a short while thereafter, that those thoughts are unreasonable, but it doesn't help my feelings in the moment. No, I cannot talk myself out of it!

I'm sorry for your suffering with such loneliness.
Are the people who say they are there for you really there when you need them? I've felt that pain, am still feeling it. I have very few friends. I usually end up calling them because they are wrapped up in their own lives and have friends already. I can't count on anyone to be there for me in those moments. I have talked to crisis lines and blocked my number for reassurance it is anonymous. I vented. They listen. It might help you. I've also had thoughts that I know are not realistic, but I don't hear voices or see things. Anxiety is definitely making that happen, that's when those thoughts are hard to or impossible at the moment to stop them. An idea might be to accept the thought, and observe it as it passes eventually.

I don't think you have psychosis but for reassurance you could ask the doctor who prescribes your medications what they think about it. I wish you the best of care.

[sugahorse1]

Thanks for your reply.
My friends are mostly there when I reach out. Physically they are too far away, but we can talk or chat online. Yes, it is nice if they sometimes make the call first and reach out to you, but the reality is that they can never know when you are really struggling and really need them. I understand and accept that.
I feel guilty reaching out, and get anxious I push them away by being a burden.

I need to learn to sit with an emotion and not let it overwhelm me. It feels like I am being pushed over by a tidal wave. I struggle to stay upright as I get hit in the chest by this wave and then start flailing around. That's usually as I reach out in a panic

[bpcyclist]

This is an interesting topic. I get severe depression, mania, and I just a couple days ago had another psychotic episode while getting pretty manic. I don't think what you are describing meets criteria for psychosis under the current understanding. That said, I totally understand where you are coming from. Horrific depression is marked by some very inaccurate, unrealistic, unreal thoughts, like the thought that you will never get better or the thought that no-one cares. I once when really depressed and driving past my favorite mountain had the thought that the slate (it was summer) on the side of the mountain was the saddest thing I had ever seen. It seemed so profound at the time, but really, when not depressed, that mountain is one of the happiest places on earth for me.

Unreality in whatever form is a hallmark of psychosis. And some of that is present in severe depression. So, I hear what you are saying. It is sort of, in a way, a little bit psychotic. I agree with that. Thanks for pointing this out.

[3rd rock]

I have experienced psychosis in the past. I believe that if I don't carefully manage medication and certain other general aspects of my life I could experience psychosis again. It hasn't taken the form of hallucinations, but rather delusional beliefs that certain specific people are out to get me, are following me, and are determined to harm me or are engaged in a conspiracy against me. A psychiatrist has said this is the product of mental illness which can become so extreme as to produce psychotic episodes, which I generally agree with.

[sugahorse1]

Thank you all - I'm not sure if I have my answer (Not sure I even know what my question really was), but I'm glad some of us are on the same page.
I don't believe people are out to get me, but I almost get BPD thinking, where I feel people no longer care about me, especially if they don't get in touch with me. Instead if realising they have their own lives. And probably aren't aware just how much they mean time. It's when reasoning is anything but logical.