[WpgMom]

It's always seemed weird to me that anxiety and depression are separated on this forum.
today I am in the middle. I just got back from vacation today. I took my laptop with me and worked on vacation but my boss tried to help by cutting me out of meetings and discussions. Now I am worse off than ever. I now have 3 spreadsheets that all say something different and I don't know where to start to get them to match. So I am sitting at my desk sobbing. I will be working all night (literally trying to decide if I try to sleep at the office for a few hours tonight). Like a lot of places we have slowly been whittling away at our time. 1st breaks disappeared, then lunch, then work hours increased with no more pay to the point I do at least 1 full day of work every week for free. I wondered what could be next and now I know. I should never have gone on vacation and I can't see doing it again. This was a nightmare and I wish I had just stayed.
So I am in full anxiety with a tight chest and my stomach turning but at the same time I can feel the feelings of hopelessness sneaking in and I look so forward to that.
Anxiety feels like such a violent emotion. The fear/panic hurts. I can't sleep or even just calm my mind enough to stay inside my skin.
Depression is like a break from all that feeling. When I stop caring about everything, nothing can possibly get worse. Does that make sense to anyone else?
I went into my group calendar and erased any future vacation planning. I just don't want to ever deal with this again. If I am at work, things stay under control. I knew this would be bad so I took my computer hoping I could prevent exactly what happened. Now that I know my boss and my coworkers are going to undermine that I won't let them fool me again. No way will I let this happen again.
I just don't see how I survive this state for 3-5 more years.

[LilyMop]

Oh my. You do have a LOT on your plate right now. I’m so sorry you’re not even able to get some sleep tonight. What an incredibly demanding job you have. Don’t feel bad about taking your vacation though. We all need to take breaks once in a while or we completely burn out. These days the workloads are piling higher and higher. It’s hard to balance your work and home life. I hope you get through this soon and that you can catch up on your much needed rest and sleep.

[TheSadGirl]

I understand anxiety and depression. There is a quote along the lines of: Depression is living in the past and anxiety is living in the future. My take away from this is to focus on one day at a time. Put your energy into getting through each day, hour to hour or minute to minute if needed. While not a cure, for myself it has been very helpful.

[GordenLing]

It sounds like you've got it pretty rough at the moment. Does the workload ever get lighter? Coming back after vacation can be pretty overwhelming from all the buildup but hopefully it will get a little easier. How are you doing at this point?

[winter4me]

Originally Posted by WpgMom

It's always seemed weird to me that anxiety and depression are separated on this forum.
today I am in the middle. I just got back from vacation today. I took my laptop with me and worked on vacation but my boss tried to help by cutting me out of meetings and discussions. Now I am worse off than ever. I now have 3 spreadsheets that all say something different and I don't know where to start to get them to match. So I am sitting at my desk sobbing. I will be working all night (literally trying to decide if I try to sleep at the office for a few hours tonight). Like a lot of places we have slowly been whittling away at our time. 1st breaks disappeared, then lunch, then work hours increased with no more pay to the point I do at least 1 full day of work every week for free. I wondered what could be next and now I know. I should never have gone on vacation and I can't see doing it again. This was a nightmare and I wish I had just stayed.
So I am in full anxiety with a tight chest and my stomach turning but at the same time I can feel the feelings of hopelessness sneaking in and I look so forward to that.
Anxiety feels like such a violent emotion. The fear/panic hurts. I can't sleep or even just calm my mind enough to stay inside my skin.
Depression is like a break from all that feeling. When I stop caring about everything, nothing can possibly get worse. Does that make sense to anyone else?
I went into my group calendar and erased any future vacation planning. I just don't want to ever deal with this again. If I am at work, things stay under control. I knew this would be bad so I took my computer hoping I could prevent exactly what happened. Now that I know my boss and my coworkers are going to undermine that I won't let them fool me again. No way will I let this happen again.
I just don't see how I survive this state for 3-5 more years.

When I was young, it was the anxiety/panic that started it all off---and I do remember feeling OK----when it was pointed out to me that my behavior was that of a depressed person (and now I do feel both states at once which is really lousy)----for me the 'depression' used to feel a great relief from the anxiety.

[Fuzzybear]

[whimsicalman]

I hope things became more manageable for you and that the heightened anxiety didn't trigger you too much on the depression side. I could almost feel your pain, and my heart ached for you. I pray things are better for the moment.