[Fuzzybear]

I’ve been ghosted by someone I thought was a friend, or at least friendly. This is someone I went out of my way to be supportive to. I did get a vibe from them though, as if they may have another dx/issue on top of the “social anxiety” they say they have. Since they regularly complained about having “no friends” their ghosting and ignoring me seems particularly ironic. I have only ever been kind and supportive and spent a lot of time giving support and insight to them when they said they were suicidal. I feel hurt and this doesn’t help my depression
(this is not anyone on pc)

[Fuzzybear]

Grrrrrr… how would you respond to this? Express your displeasure to the person or ''just ignore'' their rudeness. I'm tempted to do the former. There are so many uncaring, fake, inconsiderate people on this planet

Grrrrrrrr

[Serpentine Leaf]

I'm so sorry you were ghosted by someone you gave so much to, Fuzzybear. It sounds like this person was dealing with some problems, and as such their behavior was about them, not you. I've known a lot of people who have sought out reassurance and companionship, but once they get it, they run, because they seek only what reinforces their belief that they're unloved and unappreciated. I've also been hurt by this, so many times.

Sending you a jar of honey!

[IceCreamKid]

Hi Fuzzy,

I'm sorry to read someone did that to you. I don't know what the appropriate response is. If I could I would tell them privately how crummy what they did was. You're a good person, Fuzzybear. Some people only get satisfaction from hurting good people.
:-(
Ice

[Thirty shades]

We are not responsible for other peoples behaviour. This has happened to me too in the last few days. The friend has mental health issues and was not themselves. I have empathy and compassion for them but this should not mean that I don't consider my own needs. They were very mean, unjustly so and have caused much distress.

I am not going to say anything more to them. They have made their bed, so to speak.

From what they have confided in me of previous relationships with family or friends, this treatment of others is a pattern. I think in the past I afforded too much empathy having now experienced this side of them. They are good at twisting events to make themselves look innocent. Now I wonder if all the stories were true. I now see why so many people leave their life. Some come back because they continue to accept their health with too much compassion.

I feel conflicted as to what I would do, if they were to call again. For my own self respect, it would be best to ignore as the trust has been eroded. That would make me a bad friend though

Maybe some of us have a problem putting ourselves first. It might be time to start doing that for me. Do you feel that would be right for you too Fuzzybear?

[Fuzzybear]

when the trust has been eroded it would require them to own their behaviour and then... maybe... trust could be rebuilt. I’m not sure, what do you think?

With the person in question I mentioned, there has been something of a repeating pattern. I “ignored’ what seemed to be a lack of ?? And “gave them the benefit of the doubt” a couple of times before. I can also see why so many seem to have left their life

Originally Posted by Thirty shades

We are not responsible for other peoples behaviour. This has happened to me too in the last few days. The friend has mental health issues and was not themselves. I have empathy and compassion for them but this should not mean that I don't consider my own needs. They were very mean, unjustly so and have caused much distress.

I am not going to say anything more to them. They have made their bed, so to speak.

From what they have confided in me of previous relationships with family or friends, this treatment of others is a pattern. I think in the past I afforded too much empathy having now experienced this side of them. They are good at twisting events to make themselves look innocent. Now I wonder if all the stories were true. I now see why so many people leave their life. Some come back because they continue to accept their health with too much compassion.

I feel conflicted as to what I would do, if they were to call again. For my own self respect, it would be best to ignore as the trust has been eroded. That would make me a bad friend though

Maybe some of us have a problem putting ourselves first. It might be time to start doing that for me. Do you feel that would be right for you too Fuzzybear?

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Serpentine Leaf

I'm so sorry you were ghosted by someone you gave so much to, Fuzzybear. It sounds like this person was dealing with some problems, and as such their behavior was about them, not you. I've known a lot of people who have sought out reassurance and companionship, but once they get it, they run, because they seek only what reinforces their belief that they're unloved and unappreciated. I've also been hurt by this, so many times.

Sending you a jar of honey!

Thank you Serpentine Leaf. I’m sorry you have also been hurt by this many times (thanks for the jar of honey )

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by IceCreamKid

Hi Fuzzy,

I'm sorry to read someone did that to you. I don't know what the appropriate response is. If I could I would tell them privately how crummy what they did was. You're a good person, Fuzzybear. Some people only get satisfaction from hurting good people.
:-(
Ice

Thank you Ice

[Thirty shades]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

when the trust has been eroded it would require them to own their behaviour and then... maybe... trust could be rebuilt. I’m not sure, what do you think?

With the person in question I mentioned, there has been something of a repeating pattern. I “ignored’ what seemed to be a lack of ?? And “gave them the benefit of the doubt” a couple of times before. I can also see why so many seem to have left their life

Yes the trust would have to be rebuilt. Not sure how

Repeated offence's sure cut deeper It is hard to see they will change if they are happy to re-offend.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Thirty shades

Yes the trust would have to be rebuilt. Not sure how

Repeated offence's sure cut deeper It is hard to see they will change if they are happy to re-offend.

I agree grrrrrr I am also not sure how

Repeated offences by those who say they care ... (sigh, thud)

Love and respect to you

[Serpentine Leaf]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Thank you Serpentine Leaf. I’m sorry you have also been hurt by this many times (thanks for the jar of honey )

Thank you for the hugs and compassion, Fuzzybear. There are a lot of narcissists out there who sniff out lonely people. I hope that after my last bad experience I've wised up some.

And you are very welcome for the honey jar!

[Serpentine Leaf]

Originally Posted by Thirty shades

We are not responsible for other peoples behaviour. This has happened to me too in the last few days. The friend has mental health issues and was not themselves. I have empathy and compassion for them but this should not mean that I don't consider my own needs. They were very mean, unjustly so and have caused much distress.

I am not going to say anything more to them. They have made their bed, so to speak.

From what they have confided in me of previous relationships with family or friends, this treatment of others is a pattern. I think in the past I afforded too much empathy having now experienced this side of them. They are good at twisting events to make themselves look innocent. Now I wonder if all the stories were true. I now see why so many people leave their life. Some come back because they continue to accept their health with too much compassion.

I feel conflicted as to what I would do, if they were to call again. For my own self respect, it would be best to ignore as the trust has been eroded. That would make me a bad friend though

Maybe some of us have a problem putting ourselves first. It might be time to start doing that for me. Do you feel that would be right for you too Fuzzybear?

It doesn't at all make you a bad friend to set boundaries. If you don't protect yourself, then who will? If the person is sincerely sorry and makes visible efforts to change, that's one thing. But when someone gives half-hearted non-apologies, tries to put the blame on everyone but themselves, and makes no effort at reform, then you have to take a step back. When you love someone, it's far easier to see the pain they feel than the pain they cause, but some distance might help. Please don't beat yourself up for treating yourself as a human being deserving of respect!

Hugs to you, thirty Shades.

[Thirty shades]

Originally Posted by Serpentine Leaf

It doesn't at all make you a bad friend to set boundaries. If you don't protect yourself, then who will? If the person is sincerely sorry and makes visible efforts to change, that's one thing. But when someone gives half-hearted non-apologies, tries to put the blame on everyone but themselves, and makes no effort at reform, then you have to take a step back. When you love someone, it's far easier to see the pain they feel than the pain they cause, but some distance might help. Please don't beat yourself up for treating yourself as a human being deserving of respect!

Hugs to you, thirty Shades.

Thank you Serpentine Leaf. You are right, we do need boundaries.

[daggy]

💖warm bear hugs