[That1guy]

I have never talked to anyone about my mental state how I perceive myself or believe others see me or the fact that I build a kind of version of myself for every person that I meet even though I can't stand humanity I want happiness for everyone i feel better if other people are happy until recently I never had to face these issues I have been married for 8 years been together for nearly 11 I had her and my 3 children to focus everything on now I've turned to drugs and alcohol the later being the worse of the two I got a dwi lost my business my vehicle my wife my kids stay away from me at first I kept companionship of women a different one for every night of the week I don't even know how I'm not attractive that didn't last long my funds ran out can't find a new job or a ride to one even if I could can't pay the dues on my probation the lights are now shut off at my home I contemplate suicide daily honestly the only reason I'm not gone already is because my two children and my stepson and I have a list of stuff before I go at this point I have lost interest in almost absolutely I do I took the crazy score it was bad better help online says see someone in person but I hate people and speaking it's taken 3 or 4 hours to write this once I post I may close the screen and never even look again I'm not certain how did any of y'all manage to go into a room with some up tight doctor and explain your broken even harder to not fake the emotion not pretend so you can get the help

[Skeezyks]

Hello That1guy: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central. The Addictions forum, here on PC, may be one you'll want to take a look at. Here's a link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/addictions/

At the end of your post you asked "how you go into a room with some up tight doctor and explain your broken..." You know... the bottom line here is you just do it. I'm 71 years old! And, without going into a lot of detail, I'll tell you I managed to keep my head above water, as the saying goes, until around the age of 50. Until that time I would never have even considered sitting in a room with some "uptight doctor" to explain I was broken. But there comes a point where you simply have to do what you have to do.

There's no secret formula for reaching out. You just do it... because there simply is no other option except... well... you know... And sooner or later, the chances are you'll reach that point... that point where you've hit rock bottom & there's simply nowhere further to fall. The questions are... are you there yet & if not will you do what you have to do to save yourself & your family before you do actually hit rock bottom? Coming here to PC is a good first step. The next is to reach out in real life for the help you need.

Here are links to 4 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that talk about suicidal thoughts & how to cope with them:

Suicidal? Don't Throw Away Your Shot

Suicidal? What Van Gogh's Life Can Teach You

How to Survive Suicidal Thoughts

How Suicidal Thoughts Can Become a Coping Mechanism

My best wishes to you & your family. I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

P.S. Here's a link to a podcast, also from PC's archives, on finding the courage to change:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/podcas...om-to-know-how

[Fuzzybear]

Welcome to pc

[bpcyclist]

For me, the pain of what I had going just got worse than the pain of doing the SH** I was doing. That's how I finally got help. Sending you support and peace. Don't give up. It can get better. Lots of people have been in a similar position and gotten better (including me). Been in basically the exact same situation as you and things are way better now. Hang in there!!