[haunted]

So two weeks ago I was feeling great. New meds were helping. And then the dose increased. Needless to say it didn't agree with me and all of the anxiety and depression came back witha vengance. So I decreased the dosage and I'm no better. As I write this I'm so anxious and depressed at the same time. I feel like I'm going to vomit any minute. My brain is going at a high rate but the body is not responding. Computer caught a virus so I haven't been able to be here until today. This just has to stop one way or another I just can't take it anymore. all I want to do is sleep and I can't. I wake in the night at least six or seven times. My thoughts are so vile that I feel like I'm going through a reality slip of some kind. There's a woman I work with who has the "perfect" life and I get so sick of hearing about her perfect children, husband, house, car. Yesterday I came so close to teling her that I wish for something reall y bad to happen to her. It was just boiling up and I came so close to going right over the edge. I'm to the point that I don't give a crap who's feelings I hurt or who I might offend next. And then maybe an hour from now I might be so warm and fuzzy that I'll want to give the whole damn world a hug. This hurts so much.

[Perna]

Call your doctor. Do you have a psychiatrist or just an internist or someone prescribing for you. You need a workup and attention paid to your meds it sounds like and should not be adjusting the dose yourself.

[haunted]

Oh I didn't mention that I didn't adjust the dosage myself. I did call the doc and she took me back down to the lower dose. Believe me Perna, I'm following all of the rules and it's just not working. I've always had a very hard time with meds but I thought I would give them one more try as nothing I've tried to do on my own helps. At least I had one week of relief and I guess I should be thankful for that.

[Perna]

Have you had a physical workup and blood tests? Could be thyroid or other hormones or things going on. Did you start or end other meds or anything? I had a heck of a time this past summer when I had nerve problems and my doctor was trying various meds and my asthma was acting up too and I started a new med. It was hard to tell what wasn't "right" when I started throwing up. I thought it was the new med but it was probably a combination of some of the others.

Haunted, look at this? http://www.thyroid-info.com/articles...depression.htm

[Cyran0]

haunted. You always have such kind things to say to the rest of us, it makes me wish I had something more to offer you here. Since I don't, I just want to say that I'm thinking of you, I understand how you're feeling, and I hope things get better.

Cyran0

[Friday]

I had a friend this happened to. Maybe you need to see a Therapist and get new meds. The T is for when the meds haven't kicked in and you can talk to someone and not hold those feelings in, and the new meds would help.

[haunted]

Had all of the bloodwork there is to have. Everything checked out o.k. I guess I should be glad but in a way I was hoping that something would be wrong. Not that I have a wish to be ill, just a simple answer to why this is getting as bad as it is. All of the ups and downs are just too much to take. I'm so tired.
I have my next apointment with the psych doc on 1/4 and I'm going to insist on therapy, if not with her than with someone else. I feel I'm at some sort of breaking point and I've never been this scared. I mean I've been down, sometimes for days but never for months. I just don't know how long I'm going to be able to do this. I don't even approach this subject much with my family anymore. I get the feeling that they're getting sick of me talking about how bad I feel. Mind you , I dont want their pity. I just need them to understand that this isn't quickly fixed with a pill and I think that's what they thought. So now not only am I putting up the "front" for the outside world but also for my family.

[nowheretorun]

hang in there haunted... (((hugs)))