Not doing good

I'm so sad. I know what has me down but yet I don't. I think alot of what has me down is that people make me feel bad alot of the time, not all the time but alot of the time. For instance I went out to eat with my mom, stepdad, stepsister, and uncle on Friday. And they all sat there teasing me. Everyone of them had something to say. I got upset and maybe I was wrong to get upset about it but I did. Later my mom informs me that I'm too sensitive and that they were just teasing me. Yes, I'm overly sensitive and I get that they were just teasing but at the same time it was all of them against me. Like I said I know I'm overly sensitive but why is it okay for them to gang up on me like that. My mom told me that it was all in good fun but it wasn't fun for me. Yeah, they enjoyed it but not me. They all got a laugh but I just got upset and came home and cried. Maybe I'm just being stupid and overly sensitive but the thing is that they do it every time. We go eat and its me who is the one who has all their mistakes thrown in their face, I'm the one who has jokes told at my suspense, not them. Am I saying that I'm not sensitive? No because I know I am but I don't think what they did was right either. I'm just sick of being the one who is treated like this. I don't know what to do.

I am sorry your family hurt you so much. It is so hard when the people we rely on to support and nurture us say things that are hurtful. It is unfortunate that when you told them it was bothering you that they continued. Sometimes people express how they feel in ways that hurt us. It sounds like they really don't understand why you are hurt. Maybe you can explain to them specifics on how they hurt you to explain yourself. I really don't think they are deliberately trying to hurt you. I know even now when family meets we all bring up the times where each of us has done something humerous. Although it sometimes hurts it is a shared experience. I hope that you can tell them and they understand how much this is hurting. Please don't give up as it is bothering you so much.

BB

For maymie,

It's like, to me, certain more vulnerable types get picked on more, even in families, my family does the same to me..and I too, am very, very sensitive!! My whole family is successful except me, and they rub it in my face. It hurts real bad. What brought you to this site? Do you have a diagnosis? Too young to know for sure what's going on, why you feel down?

I grew up in a teasing family too and got the brunt of it being the "baby". Sometimes it is just too much and it doesn't matter that they are "teasing," it hurts! Maybe you could think of a couple of "sophisticated" things to say when people start in and you're not in the mood for it; like, "I know you think you are just teasing, but it is hurting (or not fun for) me, and I would like you to stop." It would be great if you could say something that would get them to truly think about what they are doing/saying and how inappropriate it may be.

For a long time I was very sarcastic and a "teaser" as a result of learning it from my stepmother and brother. It took a lot of therapy to get so I didn't automatically react in ways that could be hurtful to others without even knowing it. I think your family may not realize what they are saying and its impact (they are thinking of their individual selves, for example, and not seeing that they are "ganging up" just as you say). If you can learn to stay serious (instead of "hurt") and give them a bit of anger at their thoughtlessness and get up and "leave" or something that might make them uncomfortable enough so they look at what happened and their part in it. Part of getting teased is that one is "teasable" and if one takes that away from the others, stands up for one's self, the teasing goes away.

If you're able, getting up and leaving is an excellent option. I don't know how old you are so I'm not sure how viable that is. But ultimately, you are being treated in a way that you don't like and is hurtful to you and you, as a person, have the right to reject that.

Cyran0

Cyran0 is right. You are the only one that can stand up and say, 'either stop as what you are doing is hurting me or i will have to leave.' You do not have to put up with that no matter who it is doing it, be it family or strangers. The more they hurt you the further into yourself you are going to go. I am sorry. I know that is hard and if it is impossible to leave, take a mp3 player and put it on tone them out, whatever it takes to protect yourself...~melanie

I'm so sorry you had to go through this. Sometimes other people can't see how much their actions can hurt us and I think it hurts more when these actions come from family members. But, I agree with Cyrano 0 that unless you speak up for yourself nothing with change. This won't happen overnight, but start standing up for yourself. You have to look out for you!

i used to get the same thing from my family. took a long time for me to be able to say something that got their attention. I'm still seen as the oversensitive and overly emotional one but after years of therapy, i truly believe now that teasing isn't healthy or funny at all. it's how immature people bond at another person's expense. so sorry you are the recipient of such rude behavior. hey, even if you are really sensitive, don't blame yourself so much. you probably wouldn't be a person to do this to someone and for that, you are more aware and kind.

Maybe you're not overly sensitive, but highly sensitive. The book The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron really validated my gift.

http://www.amazon.com/Highly-Sensiti...162&sr=8-2

I agree that teasing is counterproductive. It's also passive agressive.

p.s. As an adult, I finally stood up to my mother and told her that telling stories on me really hurt my feelings. She got angry and told me that things happened to her too. But she stopped teasing me. This was after years of therapy. I hope it doesn't take as long for you.

When you see your sensitivity as the gift it is, then you will never be shamed for it by another. Oh, and also, a good comeback is, "It is not possible to be too sensitive." or "well, you are insensitive."

Overly sensitive? I think they are scarcely sensitive.
Trying to communicate how it makes you feel would be a sage advise, but if you are considered a clown, nothing coming from a clown is to be considered serious.
You have to take steps. It depends on yur age, but you have to assert your position in the only possible way, by withdrawing. You won't go to eat with them and you will not stay in the middle being ridiculed. Just stand up and leave. Your mom says you are too sensitive? Yes, you are, and that is why you can't affrod staying there. They're just kidding? Yes, and you don't like it. One may NOT accept jokes, right? So you don't have right to forbid jokes, but you have a right to get away.
An italian proverb says "meglio soli che male accompagnati" which means it's better to be alone than in bad company. It is your case.

The best of luck!

I love the quote!! meglio soli che male accompagnati I wish I knew how to say it correctly. My dad has MS and sometimes he is 'testy' (thats putting it extremely mildly!) When I go over and Mom is like thank god and then dad starts in (and mom whoo hoo someone else's turn nyah nyah). Family is such a pain and my dad even when i was a kid could make me cry just by looking at me. Now, I may cry and I may shake with anger, I am able to tell him he is wrong and being an *** and then I am able to get up and leave. Many times I come home and cry into my pillow. But for me and my piece of mind, just me speaking up soothes the soul.

Maymie, I hope you can find your voice and speak up...it may take a while for it to sink in, being thick headed as most family are.Just keep trying in as many different ways as you can. (((hugs))) you are strong, melanie