[Rosario]

I love my brother because we share a life, a history...but I have learned that since his teens years till now(he's 42 years old) I dislike him. He is an alcoholic that has put my mother and father through hell. I have a hard time coming to terms that alcholism is a disease so I struggle with my "dislike" of him. I'm trying to reconcile my feelings of love/dislike for him. These conflicting feelings really put me on an rollercoaster of alternating emotions. Can I find peace in having both these feelings towards him?

[nowheretorun]

hi Rosario.... i think love heals.... it will heal your discomfort about your feelings... it can even heal his alcoholism and mend your family, imo ...

you're is in the right place imo...

have faith in your love... but dont be a fool...

if the alcoholism is endangering anyone, then its a bigger problem and needs a bigger solution, and more love, imo...

best wishes

[Perna]

You love him because he is your brother but you don't like him, he's not a friend. Think of your friends and why you like them and see if he fits; he probably doesn't. I have 3 brothers, only "like" one, despite being close to another where I live now and whom I see "often".

[mrsmoggles]

I can safely say LOVE and LIKE are completely different My story is I LOVE my two boys, but they have chosent their lying, theiving, abusive father but LYING, etc...

I don't like them, I don't want them to live with them, but I love them unconditionally at the same time. I never NEVER not love them, but at this moment, it burns, it hurts, it rips me up inside that they continue to listen to their father tell them lies about me and in fact lie about me themselves.

Now as for my Moggles, I love AND like him...most of the time..hehe. So I am just of the opinion they are two different things. But even deeper if you wanna take it down another layer...fundamentally, basically you love your brother...it helped me to look deeper and contemplate what I really didnt like and one thing that kept coming up were things, accidents, incidents, emotions that interfered...finally, i realized that it wasnt actually the person, but what they DID is what bothered me the most. Now when I feel malaligned, I ponder and sometimes, (for example) I tell mogs he is an *** as there was no logical reason for whatever he did that was rude, unkind, unthoughtful, whatever i percieved as bad...other times I am able to sit down and write him an email and tell him the specific thing that changed the tide and hurt me. It feels great getting it off my chest.

I wish you well.

melanie

[AAAAA]

Rosario,

I think when it comes to your spouse, you have to both like and love them. But in all other relationships, no it is not necessary.

I have only one sibling, a brother that is self-centered and can be a general ***. I am more forgiving toward him, because we have that family history, and I know what causes him to do the things he does. I do love him, the same way I love my children (I'm older).

[Doh2007]

Love the sinner; hate the sin? Protect yourself.

[stefano]

Quite a ponderous question. I've been thinking about it for a while, because I dislike my father, mother and sister (no one left in the family, except the cat... I LOVE the cat!)
OK, what I think is that if yo love someone you still have to find out the correct way to demonstrate love. Comforting and nurture at atimes, but also pointing out problems.

So, you dislike your brother. If he was a stranger you would turn your back on him. You show your love by being available to help. But help also means NOT overlooking your borther's alcoholism and letting him be loved without being pushed to amend himself.

In other words, loving doesn't mean unconditionally cherishing. For me you proove your affection with this post. Your attempt to relate properly to your brother. If you would not love him, you'd just blacklist him and go on your way.

I'm not going to cite an italian proverb, as it may seem I trivialize the matter, but I think I've made my point clear.

The best of luck!

[Perna]

Non si puo avere la botte piena è la moglie ubriaca.

[foreverhope_]

Absolutely not; you're bound by genetics - not friendship.

~~ Jasmin

[foreverhope_]

<font color="pink"> </font> Excuse me! I meant to say, "Absolutely!" You are bound by genetics - not friendship. And, you're entitled to how you feel...

~~ Jasmine