[Christina86]

I've ruined my family.

I've ruined a perfectly good Christmas with my family.

I'm a *****.
And an idiot.
And stupid.
And I talk too much.

And it will always be my fault.

I'm an idiot for thinking otherwise. I dont deserve anything good. My family is perfect. I am not. I should be happy with my family. I dont deserve/need to be on antidepressants/therapy because it's all my fault. Me being depressed is me "emo" or selfcentred or exaggerating.

I'll just go crawl into my hole and die now, thanks.

[nowheretorun]

(((((Christina))))))) ... we cant have this, not letting you think of yourself tis way... it isnt true sweetheart...

there may be times when things dont go perfect, or just the way you planned but lets remember we're all human and make mistakes.. you dont deserve to feel this badly..

what i know of you tells me you would be charming and kind to spend time with, if your family doesnt seem to feel that way to you, maybe you've done the thing i'm guilty of at times, looking at the dark side..

sending hugs and encouragement for you to be you... after it rains the sun's going to back back out again.... please take care of you..

[bipolar_bear]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Christina)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) You are none of those things. I am sorry they are making you feel that way. Please see what wonderful person you are and how you are healing. You deserve to feel better.

BB

[Christina86]

I'm sorry. I'll shut up.

I should never ever ever say anything bad about anyone. I'm always doing this. Never should say anything to anyone. My parents both hate me now. Why am I such a screwup.

All I did was tell the truth as I saw it. Should have known better.

All i've ever tried to do is bottle what they say about one another so that nobody has to hear what the other parent thinks. After 14+ years of divorce, you'd think they could play nice and not lie about one another or say mean things...

yeah right.

as long as my sisters dont suffer, i'll be fine.

but i'm horrible. i deserve everything bad.

Bad Christina, bad bad bad.

[stefano]

Come on, you know all too well that this is depression's propaganda. If your parents were perfect they would not be divorced. Yet they are. Are they guilty? No of course, because nobody is perfect. And are you guilty? No of course, you're not perfect too.

Come on christina, the Holy Days are finally over now, we can get back to our normal lives, and hope the new emotional scars will faint soon.

We depressives always want to be the most loathsome around!
So don't puff youself up in that contest, OK?

[mrsmoggles]

Hey,our hun, no one is perfect and it is not your fault your parents loathe each other. If they can't face the truth, it should NOT ( I repeat NOT) fall on your shoulders to make them feel superior to the other. Yes, your sisters ARE important, but if you can't take care of yourself, you can't take care of them. You are wonderful I have read many many of your posts and just cause I don't reply doesn't mean, my heart is lighter by what you have said. As far as your parents hating you, I think they are putting undue pressure on you and they need help. Is there anyone you can talk to whom your parents listen to? Perhaps they can talk to your parents, separately and let them know the effect of this and if they continue...you know, paint a dismal pic and maybe get them to behave better around you and your siblings??? I hope something comes into play and helps you.

***YOU ARE NOT STUPID
***YOU ARE NOT HORRIBLE
***YOU ARE NOT BAD
***YOU ARE NOT A SCREW-UP
***YOU ARE NOT A ***** OR IDIOT
***YOUR FAMILY IS FAR FROM PERFECT

You are loved here I hope you can see that... melanie

[Christina86]

(((((((Darrell)))))))))

Thank you so much. I feel a little bit better today.

[Christina86]

(((((((((BB))))))))))))))) thank you very much.

[Christina86]

I need to remember that on occassion. Nobody's perfect. No contest from me... promise.

((((((((((stefano))))))))))) thanks

[Christina86]

(((((((((((Melanie))))))))))))

Unfortunately all my attempts to have them talk civily to one another have fallen on deaf ears. Both claim that they're "normal" and that the other one is the one with the problem.

Oh well. I've just got to learn not to listen to them. They're the ones who hurt... I shouldnt let myself be hurt by them.

thank you.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((( Christina )))))))))))))))

[Susan27]

hi christina,
sounds like you are being so hard on yourself and that sounds rough to bear. even if you believe you did screw up...you know what..so we screw up sometimes...what of it??!!! in the bigger scheme of things, it's just one day in a life full of 'em. i hope you feel better soon!

[mrsmoggles]

That reminds me of a quote: to err is human to forgive is divine!!!
I think they both can apply here...sorry, just had to post a quote i knew when it is applicable! LOL How cool is that??
mel

[Christina86]

Thanks for the hugs (((((((((((Fuzzy)))))))))))

I miss hearing from ya.

[Christina86]

Very straightforward, I like that.

Thanks (((((((((Susan27)))))))))))

[Christina86]

I like that quote. Thanks again (((((((((Mel)))))))))

[Christina86]

I'm horrid.

Sitting here curled up bawling my eyes out.

I'm a horrible human being.

I shouldn't even have been allowed to come home.

I'm bad.

[Cthomas]

You are NOT horrible.......NO WAY

I love ya man! Anything I can do??? did you visit the love thread today????

How can I help...Please???

Colleen

[Christina86]

Sigh.

I screamed at my baby dogs. They keep annoying me and I just screamed and now the cat is scared of me, the dog is scared of me... only one dog seems to forgive me.

I'm horrid. Haven't visited the love thread today I dont think.

I am horrible. I'm mean and selfcentred and I dont have any patience. I should be nicer. I need to be a good girl and sit quietly and behave myself.

I didnt try hard enough. Thats my problem. I suck.

I should just shut up and fall over and just die.

but that's not allowed either.

Sigh.

I'm a bad friend daughter sister owner and human being.

I SUCK.

[Cthomas]

YOU DO NOT SUCK!!!!!! look...really you need to understand that I am here for you...im not going ANYWHERE...you are too worth it for me to stick around and make sure you are ok. I have to pick up a friend at the train in 40 minutes. but i will keep checking my email

I AM HERE FOR.......YOU!!!!! please dont loose touch with me tonite OK?

please?

pretty pretty please?

Colleen

[Cthomas]

If you keep this up. im purchasing a greyhound ticket to your house......

this way i can come and get you and take you out and make you laugh. and give you the hug you soooo deserve.

Heres my hug from chicago (((((((((((christina))))))))))

the poster formerly known as canders right???
from colleen the poster who used to be known as a Poster?
i got nothing to give on that one.....Ok ok how about colleen.....the best poster to canders. oor hold on hold on I got it. I drink COFFEE!!! no wait! how about....%#@&#!...how about just

colleen

[GoodMama]

(((((((((Christina))))))))) Sweet girl, if I were there, I'd give you a gentle hug and, no, I wouldn't pull away. People who really care won't pull away when you need them. People who really case don't call you names or make you feel like you're less than human or hurt you. People who really care are like YOU! Do you remember writing this ...

I struggle with depression and self-injuring. If you ever need someone to talk to, please feel free to PM me! :-)


I've only been here for a few weeks, but YOU are one of the nicest, most caring, concerned and giving people I've met. I read your posts and wonder if you know how strong you really are? Probably not ... and I hurt inside knowing it. My daughter doesn't see it in herself either ... not yet. I wish and I pray and I know the only thing that can help you is to have loving, caring, concerned and giving people around you. You have that HERE, Christina ... please don't pull away from it!

Sometimes it's easier to trust your "unseen friends" ... so take a deep breath and, when you're ready, trust your friends here. Please try? I know you can feel the love, the caring and the concern each of them has for you. They're giving pieces of themselves to you so you won't be alone. Don't pull away from them, Christina, they need you as much as you need them.

((((((((Christina)))))))) Stay strong!

GoodMama ... or I'm trying to be one

[mrsmoggles]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Christina86 said:
Sigh.

I didnt try hard enough. Thats my problem. I suck.

Sigh.

I'm a bad friend daughter sister owner and human being.

I SUCK.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

There. Right there. You say it yourself^^^:YOU ARE HUMAN!!!!

and being that means mistakes are made...getting up and dusting your self off and learning is what moves you on...sometimes you get stuck in rut and it feels you're spinning your wheels in the mud...try try try again...eventually the mud dries, they find gravel and suddenly you are propelled forward. A few hard knocks, bruises, a little blood sweat and tears...no worse for wear on a car or you.

Being human means we are fundamentally bound to be wrong, fall down and that is just how it is. (((hugs))) human isnt easy...be an angel for a day, let your wings swoop you above all the pitfalls and for just a bit, let your self feel freedom. you deserve it.

melanie

[Christina86]

Okay okay!

I relent. I am human. Yeesh woman, you never let up do you?

No tickets to my place.... unless you want to freeze to death, in which case by all means....

((((((((((((Colleen)))))))))))))))))) thanks

[Christina86]

I don't remember writing it actually lol. Back when I first came to PC probably.

((((((((((((GoodMama)))))))))))))))))

My nature is to pull away ... but I shall try. You all mean so much to me, I just wish I was a better person.

Thank you.