Walked away from emotional abuse

Hi everyone!

I just wanted to vent about something that really destroyed me lately, a toxic partner. Although for many years, I have been doing great at reducing my depressive symptoms (even while locked up alone in quarantine), I couldn't believe that I allowed this (short but intense) relationship to happen. I got extremely attached to this person who constantly called me names, yelled and put me down daily. I was always critical of women who stayed with verbally abusive men, so I'm also utterly embarrassed.

I just couldn't say no, perhaps for feeling lonely or worthless for many years in the past. In the beginning, it was all compliments and joy, but it quickly escalated to an unacceptable level. He would switch fast, despising everything I said. All I heard was: "you don't get it," "you will never be good at anything, you will fail," and so on. He was always defensive, and his verbal abuse hurt me more than physical harm. He called me dumb even though I have a higher educational level, not accepting any actual scientific evidence of studies that I would show him to dismiss some of his absurd ideas. For instance, according to him, domestic violence occurs because women push men's boundaries; therefore, they get hit - and it is the woman's fault, always. I got extremely distressed, stood up, argued back, to what he started yelling: "you are ignorant and stupid." However, even after that, I tried to suppress my feelings and also my voice in order to please him and continue this lousy relationship. My heart and soul were bleeding, and I couldn't recognize myself anymore. I thought, "where did my strength go?" I even suspected that I had some borderline disorder traits due to my difficulties to detach from toxic relations.

I let him humiliate me and most things in my life. But I drew the line when he continuously attacked the very last thing that matter: my passion. I am a Psychology graduate student working very hard to achieve my goals of helping others to overcome the same issues that I dealt with - sounds absurd, I know!!! He told me that I was never going to be good enough to help anyone and that I would fail. That was precisely the moment when things ended for good. The reason why I am upset right now is that I believed him for one minute. When I questioned my own capabilities, I threw my resilience, self-respect, and my entire identity away.

Though I am still disappointed at myself, I am also relieved that this has come to an end. I urge you not to engage in relationships like that, but if you are in one, do not be afraid to walk away. I will need a lot of time to heal; I learned that we could be as strong as a lion, but we are still vulnerable to "emotional" predators. I think the most important thing is to seek help when you cannot see or make important decisions on your own. I just wanted to share this, and I feel much lighter and better only by writing it, but please share a comment or a piece of advice for coping.

Stay safe!

Someone calling a partner (or anyone they have a relationship with) names is a a huge red flag. I'm sorry you were hurt so much by this abuser. I think he probably felt all those negative things about himself (as you have been a student of psychology you will already be aware of this..)

I'm glad you detached from this predator. Did you show him your fangs?

Thank you for your kind and supportive words, Fuzzybear!

I am very amazed by the power of "humans" in the human psyche. His words brought me down, but what you said and what my friends are saying made me better today - significantly. People have the capacity to impact your mood bidirectionally.

Feeling vulnerable is a terrible thing, but there is also a lot of learning and personal growth amidst suffering.

Thank you, I hope you are well and safe!!!

I also think that there is a lot of power of ''humans'' in the human psyche. Those who may think words are not important (I have been told that by some people - ''grow a thick skin'' etc. Which is often a put down, just maybe more ''subtle''... I suppose they are unaware of my fur coat.

Did this abuser also claim to feel ''hurt'' by you? Or did he only dish it out? (no need to reply)

It is also getting quite warm now.. with all my fur It seems that bears are coming out of hibernation

Sorry you went through that! You are a strong person. You deserve love. You are very intelligent. Keep moving forward and growing. Glad you shared here!