[Twitch99]

I can't express how badly I don't want to go back to inpatient. I am still suffering from PTSD from my 1st time over 5 years ago. My wife knows this, but she keeps trying to push me to go back to inpatient. Due to some recent and really bad screw ups on my part I'm worried that it is going to come down to either my marriage or inpatient. It's not as simple as saying Screw her. If it comes to that I'll choose divorce. She is the love of my life. I don't want to lose her, but i don't want to go back to that horrible place again. Also it's not as simple as saying If she loves you she won't force you to go. Like I said I screwed up real bad.
I just don't know what to do. Both options terrify me. Both options make my mind goto suicide.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Twitch99

I can't express how badly I don't want to go back to inpatient. I am still suffering from PTSD from my 1st time over 5 years ago. My wife knows this, but she keeps trying to push me to go back to inpatient. Due to some recent and really bad screw ups on my part I'm worried that it is going to come down to either my marriage or inpatient. It's not as simple as saying Screw her. If it comes to that I'll choose divorce. She is the love of my life. I don't want to lose her, but i don't want to go back to that horrible place again. Also it's not as simple as saying If she loves you she won't force you to go. Like I said I screwed up real bad.
I just don't know what to do. Both options terrify me. Both options make my mind goto suicide.

I can understand having PTSD from a very bad inpatient experience over 5 years ago. For some, ''psych hospital'' can be very helpful, for others, under the ''wrong'' conditions, which are not the fault of the ''patient'' it can be extremely harmful, so much so, as to cause PTSD. You are not the only person this has happened to.

Both options are scary to you, going inpatient or divorce, understandably so. I can understand both options making your mind

Possible trigger:

go to suicide

I'm not sure exactly what you mean about having screwed up really bad (I don't need to know). I hope you stay safe without going inpatient. If you give a bit more information (and I can understand if you don't want to) maybe more people will respond. There are people here who care about your wellbeing, and I am one of them

Is there a way you can discuss things with your wife, the screw ups are now in the past (however bad they were).. Maybe today can be better? Even if only a little... I completely support your wish not to go inpatient given the trauma you went through in a psych hospital.

What about getting on a list for an intensive-out-patient or partial-hospitalization-program? We call them 'day hospital' here in Canada. It might be a good compromise.

[Twitch99]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

What about getting on a list for an intensive-out-patient or partial-hospitalization-program? We call them 'day hospital' here in Canada. It might be a good compromise.

Last time I tried IOP they tried to lock me up and called the cops on me. Another time I tried IOP they locked me up for 3 days against my will (legal kidnapping). So I don't trust any hospitals or out patient facilities.