Daily check in thread:Ups and Downs #28

Deilla · Nov 27, 2020, 01:14 PM

I'm a wreck today. My nerves are getting to me. I ordered some wine so I can have a glass and relax. I will try deep breathing and meditation as well. I don't normally drink so I figure one glass won't hurt.

Rose76 · Nov 28, 2020, 08:48 AM

Mentally, I'm doing well. Had a decent Thanksgiving. I ccooked dinner for a friend and me.

I made great progress cleaning and organizing my apartment. I have to file paperwork at court to be able to sell my boyfriend's car. I misplaced the forms, but they'll turn up.

Breaking Dawn · Nov 28, 2020, 11:31 AM

I'm doing ok today. Had two cups of coffee so far, & setting up to do bills & stuff.

Duallife · 11:15 PM

Hey everyone,
I'm new to here but felt the need to jot down some thoughts I have been rolling around my head since my last therapy appointment. I was diagnosed with BPD and Bi-polar and a few other things beginning of this summer. I started therapy and we have started going back to some of those past memories and looking at why I react the way I do to situations. This morning I'm really struggling with why I am attracted to rough sex and any other type I'm not into at all. It attracts all the wrong guys and yet I have no interest in the sweet kind men. My therapist talks about how it's associated with the sexual abuse I went through as a child. I just am tired of being attracted to people who are bad for me.

Nov 28, 2020, 05:58 PM

It was the usual Saturday for me, even though this was a holiday weekend. Did things slightly different this time. I got delayed using the laundry for a half an hour because other people were using it. And then I didn't have lunch before I went shopping for the first time. So I felt like I got things done later today than other Saturdays.

Once again, feeling pretty depressed like I always do on Saturday afternoons. It seems like I'm seeing people being together and having a good time with each other. For me being in that seems like it's an unattainable dream. I think to myself, how does it happen and why is it so hard for me?

Deilla · Nov 28, 2020, 06:51 PM

I'm feeling tired, lonely and sad. I tried to play a game. I think I am just bored with games. I don't have anyone to play with. It's so lonely.

Sunflower123 · Nov 28, 2020, 06:59 PM

I feel like I’m on a hamster wheel just going through the motions. I’m definitely down. It’s either SAD or my daughter’s leaving yesterday. Neither thrill me. Nobody wants SAD and if it’s the other....I don’t want to be down every time she leaves.

3rd rock · Nov 29, 2020, 03:38 PM

I'm going to return to work. I'll just call in sick 1-3 days per week as I used to. No one cares about calling in sick. I hate my job and I hate my life. Still waiting on referral to neurologist after MRI revealed brain mass is worse than last MRI showed. Might be cancer.

Buffy01 · Nov 29, 2020, 03:42 PM

I been feeling really depressed again especially lately. Everything is hurting me emotionally.

Sunflower123 · Nov 29, 2020, 04:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 3rd rock

I'm going to return to work. I'll just call in sick 1-3 days per week as I used to. No one cares about calling in sick. I hate my job and I hate my life. Still waiting on referral to neurologist after MRI revealed brain mass is worse than last MRI showed. Might be cancer.

I am so sorry you are struggling. I’m thinking of you and hoping the MRI turns out better than expected.

Sunflower123 · Nov 29, 2020, 04:17 PM

I’ve kept busy today when all I really want to do is curl up in a little ball and sleep endlessly. SAD has officially hit. I’ll fight it as best as I can.

Mountaindewed · Nov 29, 2020, 07:09 PM

I’ve been feeling pretty good today despite the fact it’s the 6th year anniversary of my dads death. We were not close. It was my fault. He loved me and tried but I didn’t respond well back. Honestly there’s a lot of that in my family. 2 of my cousins don’t talk to their dads and the rest of the family don’t understand because my uncles seem like great guys to us. I was in the same position with my dad. Everyone thought he was great.

Breaking Dawn · Nov 29, 2020, 07:30 PM

I think I'm doing ok right now. A friend contacted me today & that helped me. I feel some hope, which is a very energizing force.

Nov 29, 2020, 08:08 PM

My four day weekend is about to end. Not very eventful personally during the whole weekend. Talked to my sister and it went OK. Lots of interruptions on the phone on her end. Took a long bike ride.

Deilla · Nov 29, 2020, 11:27 PM

I feel fine today.

T4bbyCat · Nov 30, 2020, 08:34 AM

Couldn't get out of bed all day. Thanksgiving has come and gone. The sprint to Christmas has begun. Every year is the same as the last. (That's not a bad thing, given the potential for something far worse.)

The_Bear · Nov 30, 2020, 09:48 AM

Woke up feeling down and pissed off. Gradually lifted.

Felt down at work. Anxiety over a combination of 2 issues: The first is my girlfriend - we recently broke up (my fault) but now I desperately want to get back with her; and the second is uncertainty over my work contract, which there is a chance won't be renewed this year, due to my organisation's cost-cutting. I did speak to one of the senior managers about this mid-morning and the things he said alleviated my concerns to a degree, but I’m still worried. A lot of people in my organisation are worried about their jobs at the minute.

Afternoon was similar. Just generally very down. Checked to see if my ex wanted to have dinner tonight or tomorrow but she said she’d be back from her work too late. Still unsure how this whole thing will play out with her. A lot of uncertainty at the minute. I told myself at lunchtime that whatever happens, things will turn out OK in the end. I do think they will, and this helped me relax a little.

I’ve decided that in the event my (ex)girlfriend doesn’t want to continue or my contract doesn’t get renewed (or both things happen!), I’m going to go back on Paroxetine. Life will be too hard without it. I'd prefer not to go back on it, but I’m looking at it as a safety net, should things go south.

Got home and managed a good rowing workout which I was pleased about. Then had porridge and Snickers for dinner. Evening was much better than the daytime. Rowing session, hearty dinner, getting some tasks done, a bit of piano – these all helped. Managed to get to bed at 10pm too.

Sunflower123 · Nov 30, 2020, 10:13 AM

I’m going back and forth between being slightly depressed and depressed with SI. I have therapy today and my NP next week so I’ll be in good hands. I just wish it wasn’t so darn painful.

Hugs to all who are struggling.

3rd rock · Dec 01, 2020, 02:23 AM

Work sucks.

Deilla · Dec 01, 2020, 02:54 AM

My cat is sick and I'm really worried about her.

Sunflower123 · Dec 01, 2020, 08:18 AM

My therapist told me about some guided sleep meditations on YouTube by the Honest Guys. It worked for me last night in winding down and getting to sleep. It was great! They have other meditations as well. Just FYI.

Sunflower123 · Dec 01, 2020, 02:19 PM

I’m feeling much better today.

Buffy01 · Dec 01, 2020, 05:29 PM

I been feeling really depressed especially during the holidays. I tried to distract myself with listen to a self help Lisa A Romano video and doing some laundry today.