I'm alone since my boyfriend died yesterday and getting in bad shape. Please help me

Oh wow rose - it sounds like his daughter is a real life Karen, funeral edition! You cant make this stuff up! Please, dont let her nonsense get you down.

Just read your update - oh no! Why didnt she knock?! Ive been known to take 6 hour baths! But yes, i definitely would have needed a 2 hr nap at any rate.

I am sorry you had to deal with this but try to remember that she was angry because she was worried. You aren't rude at all--you have a lot on your mind and it has just been you and your bf for so long that of course you wouldn't think to "report" for 2 hours. Unaluna is right! She could have knocked on the door. Also, maybe just keep your distance from his daughter and let her husband do the comforting. Given what you just went through, they should all be showing you appreciation but sometimes people just get caught up in their own stuff and forget what others are going through. Take care of yourself. You have been through a lot!

My thoughts are with you Rose.

Now is not an easy time. Hugs

The loss of his companionship must be so hard to bare.

You are never alone. The love he had for you was left behind. Hold onto it.

Love and support, Rose.

This is not my bf's daughter I'm talking about. Sorry for the lack of clarity. I haven't even seen his kids.

This is mu own sister who picked me up at Newark Airport. She did knock on the bathroom door. I asked was I holding anything up. The answer was no.

My sister said she thought I was overdosing on drugs and going to drown like Whitney Houston. When I got out of the tub, my sister gave me a big lecture on how she thinks I'm an addict getting ready to OD.

My sister knows I take Vicodin for pain, snd that offends her because "it's not organic." I take 10 to 15 mg 2 to 3 times a day. That is a substantial amount. I needed it when I was caring for my bf. Now I don't get anywhere's near that sore.

My sister has been a problem drinker for years - arrested for drunk, disorderly conduct.

I thought we were going to be cooking together.

The service for my bf was Thurs at the funeral home. Friday (today) I fly 2000 miles back to where I live. I tell myself, "Bust gdt through one more day. Bust get through one more day." I neep saying that in my head over and over. If I imagine being alone for months and years to come without My Love, I get panicked with grief. So I shut that kind of thinking off. I say "Just get through today."

I've been in a hotel room since Monday eve.This is my 4rth night sleeping here. I just have to get to the airport and fly home. Then I have to clear out his apt. The manager says I have to clear and clean it by the 14th of June. That will be impossible. I do fear she will change the lock on Monday and lock me out. She is ruthless. I'll get my stuff out tomorrow. I have my own apt, so not like I will be homeless. But I need more time. We just had the service today.

My bf was getting a HUD subsidy. Manager says HUD lets her do this, even though he paid June's rent. Sometimes being poor means you can sure get pushed around.

I pray Heaven to not let me get really out of my mind. So far I don't have bad depression. Been too busy.

I'm on the plane flying back now. Jeading toward Chicago. Grief is starting to break through. Please please.

I am so sorry for your loss. You are not alone! One day at a time.. you can do it.

That is horrible about the apartment. Can you get help to clean it out? Maybe the manager has a reference?

It’s ok to grieve and be human Rose. Do what you can when it comes to his apartment. Take the things you may want to keep there and then just let the landlord remove the rest. Actually that may be better for you to do. If the landlord is being cold and pushy then get what you want and walk away.

Honestly what we all have to learn to do after a loss like this is to learn how to live our lives one day at a time despite the loss. Grieving is not something that a person does for a few days and is over with. It’s a process that takes time to work through.

Once you get home and get settled and get some rest start looking for a group you can connect with for grieving. I know it’s harder for groups like this to gather together right now however people have been finding ways to work around our current challenges. I think it will help you if you can get together with others than can relate to where you are now and offer you support and understanding. Then when you get stronger you can help someone else that’s where you are now.

We all have to learn how to navigate a significant loss. It’s not something any of us JUST know how to do.

Today I got off the plane, and he wasn't waiting for me . . . not at the gate . . . not pulled up in the car outside . . . not in his chair in the livingroom at home. Oh my love, Oh my love, Oh my love.

I am thinking about you Rose. You aren’t alone. We are with you In spirit at all times.

You'll be alright. Much love and hugs to you.

I am sorry that your landlord is so heartless. You would think that given what just transpired, you might be given an extra day or two. I like Open Eyes advice about cleaning up. Do what you can and then just walk away.

I promised it would get better but it does take time. You have not had that much time to grieve. Just take it one day at a time.

We worked out that I have until the end of June.

I woke up this morning a bit comforted. His
presence is still all over this apartment I can hear the soft sounds he would make, the little things he would murmer in the quiet of the morning, "How about a cup of coffee?"

His family kept saying how much I did for him . . . how I took care of him . . . No one knows how much I was in love with him . . . how much we were still in love. Only he and I knew all of that.

Yes, it was special between the two of you. That is something you will always have and that no one can take from you.

It's good to read that his family showed you respect for taking such good care of him Rose. You loved him enough to put up with the negative behaviors he displayed at times, that's not something everyone can do. It's important that you give yourself a lot of credit for all that YOU did for him. To give yourself credit for YOUR OWN value in this relationship. It's important to recognize YOUR own value because that doesn't change now that he is gone. We tend to look for those gold stars from others to let us know we are worthy, yet, the important thing we all must learn is to affix our OWN gold stars for ourselves. For instance, you shared that the end was very hard, that he did not go easy and the reality was actually "traumatic" for you. YET, Rose, you DID IT, you stuck with it even though it was so very hard. Make sure you give yourself credit where credit is due. And that's what the people that showed you respect were telling you at his funeral. And to be honest with you, not only did you see it to his physical end, but you also accompanied him to his funeral and had to face his family and even your own family alone on that journey. Not one of those individuals made it a point to be there at the end for him. And you had enough respect for them that you would have welcomed their presence and their need for their own closure. I find myself wishing my older sister was like that because what I faced with my parents when they were dying was "cruel". For myself, it was traumatic that my parents were dying, but even more traumatic in how cruel my older sister could be and continues to be. Actually, I have been hovering around this depression forum because I AM battling depression and badly. Thats how I noticed your significant other had finally passed. Well, you never had it easy, and you deserve to have plenty of gold stars for all you had to deal with, so PLEASE make sure you allow yourself to recognize that.

I actually envy that you have time to sit in his place, feel him around you and have time to grieve that privately. Oh how I wanted to experience that for myself. I wanted so badly to have private time at my parent's home to just sit and grieve them and I was treated "so badly" not only when the door was open, but once I got inside and tried to just sit there and FEEL and grieve. My sister had alread set up the stage even with a police officer outside to completely intimidate me. She wanted me to get angry, well, that failed, even though she kept invading me and kept intruding when I just wanted privacy to sit and grieve. I ended up shaking uncontrollably and she was so bad that my brother had to ask the policeman three times to please tell my sister to leave me alone. I envy that you can quietly sit in his place and grieve him and that you got to be there for him until he passed. Please KNOW he was very lucky that you loved him and were so loyal to him despite the fact that he did not always appreciate that the way you deserved. Your title says "please help me" so I am trying to honor that request by trying to help you see YOUR VALUE in all that you have been through with this man you dedicated so much of yourself to. Just leave some room in your mourning to recognize your own value because that is important to think about while you slowly find your way to accepting that your constant caring for him has now been relieved by his passing.

It's going to take you some time to get used to not having to constantly tend to him. Each time you feel that old pattern, it's important that you remind yourself that you carried out your caregiving really well and it's ok to finally let go and slowly find your way to having time to yourself again. Watch a good movie, read a good book, fuss with your apartment, sleep in late if you want to. Eventually, think about going swimming again and finally doing for yourself again which includes allowing yourself time to accept and adjust.

Unless your name is on the apartment rental/lease agreement, you are not responsible in any way for cleaning it. It was not your apartment. They want you to clean their tenant's apartment. Good grief.

Just get whatever you want to keep, then inform them you are turning your boyfriend's keys in. Tell them as it's not your apartment, and you have health issues, you can't take on the responsibility of cleaning it. You have your own apartment to take care of.

Dear Rose, This is a novel that you should be writing, sharing. You are obviously a wonderful writer. And you'd be helping other people who are or have gone through many of these same things. I'm glad you can at least have till the end of June, regarding the apartment. But the best part is, you know the truth about your beautiful love for each other. It's wonderful. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with us. And by the way, we love you.

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

i should go to sam's pharmacy for a med they have ready for me. i feel like just going back to sleep. but i got to not overdo the sleeping thing, which I'm inclined to do.

I just woke up from a brief nap. A thought went through my mind, coming from I don't know where. This is awful to share here.

The thought was: Now I'm not special or important to anyone. I'm not a student. I'm not an employee. I'm not a part of a family that lives together. I'm no one's significant other. What I do, or don't do, for the rest of the day doesn't matter to anyone.

His family never cared much about me and won't start now. I got one responsible sister far away who will make the occasional phone call because she's a responsible person. If I start having any real difficulties, I'll be a burden to her.

I'm alone . . . and I don't really matter to anyone.

I guess the Ativan I took this morning wore off. I was taking it when I would start uncontrollably sobbing. Then I'ld be reasonably calmed down for awhile.

But I'm not hysterical or sobbing now. I'm alone in a quiet apartment. I have this thought that . . . I'm unloved and I no longer matter to anyone.

I feel like this is thinking straight out of hell.

A lot of times, when family say, "I hope you'll be alright." what they really mean is, "I hope you're not going to become a crazy person who can't take care of herself, so now we've got to be burdened with worrying about you. I don't want to be the person whom those who know her have to feel pity for . . . and wish she wasn't a worry to them.

I better get up and go to the store.

Without him, I'm not anything important to anyone. This feels awful lonely.

Up until now, I thought I was in grief because I missed him and his love. But now I realize that I didn't just lose a man I loved deeply . . . . . I lost the only person in the world to whom I really mattered.

How am I going to figure my way out of this?

You have God, Rose. And you have us. And when you become a member of that grief support group, you will matter to them & will probably gain a new friend.

Rose, join a grief support group. There are specific ones for widows (which applies to you) or generic ones.

There are some on meetups in my area (probably resume after pandemics or some virtual), the rest you can find online for now, I sent you a link. Or PM your location to me and I’ll find some for you if you are too overwhelmed at the moment.

A friend of mine, a widow, made couple of good friends in widow support group. You’ll make friends and you’ll matter to them

When you feel better you can also volunteer. Doesn’t need to be anything strenuous. Soup kitchen. Food pantry. Etc etc When I volunteer at a homeless shelter (occasional) I noticed that several people know each other well. Seemed to be friends. They volunteer together on the same days and became friends

I know it’s hard to see it now but you will matter to people when they get to know you. You matter to us

There are things you can do that can bring you a feeling that you matter Rose. You can adopt a little dog that needs a person to love it. It’s amazing how a little dog can get you up and out for walks and provide you with unconditional love. It’s been learned how that can improve a persons life and extend a persons life.

You have not even checked out support groups for others who are grieving. For all you know there may be a lonely man that lost his wife and is also lonely.

Up to this point your life revolved around your SO. Well now you are free to explore. You HAVE value, you just need to explore and find that out. Once you get things finished and your life is yours you can explore.

You can make it. I hope the best for you.