[thekingof8]

How do I stop wanting to seek validation from other people? I always feel I am never good enough and need to be told I am doing well. I try to tell myself, but it doesn't seem to work. It's like I'm chasing for people's affection when I don't need to.

[TishaBuv]

I can relate to your strong feeling of wanting validation. I think we all have a need for that. I think you had the answer yourself, to keep telling yourself you don’t NEED anyone else’s validation.

[88Butterfly88]

I have experienced this too. I agree with TishaBuv. Just try to be yourself, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

[MickeyCheeky]

i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters about relating! i constantly feel like i need validation from others! Perhaps i am not the best person to give Advice regarding this but i think working on yourself and your own self-worth may be a start. If you realize that you're a Valuable person without needing the approval of everyone else then i think that may make things easier. Of course you can still Listen to others, in fact i think it is Necessary. Don't make that your whole entire Life though at least in my opinion. Sorry if this post wasn't really Helpful. Hugs. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to ALL of you, @thekingof8, your Families, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[Alive99]

Originally Posted by thekingof8

How do I stop wanting to seek validation from other people? I always feel I am never good enough and need to be told I am doing well. I try to tell myself, but it doesn't seem to work. It's like I'm chasing for people's affection when I don't need to.

That makes sense on a level to me. My issue is more like, I want attention from people who I want to feel close with. It is something I'm sure that I can figure out over time, it is probably because I sometimes have the belief come up that they don't care. But I have that belief less and less and feel more and more connected for real. You expressed your own problematic belief, that you are "never good enough" and I recommend CBT to try and change this belief. With CBT you can observe, explore and reason about the things you do well and also reason about how it doesn't define your personal essence if you sometimes make mistakes. Good luck.

[Breaking Dawn]

I had CBT training & it helped me a lot.

[thekingof8]

I tried CBT for my Social Anxiety 10 years ago, and it didn't do anything.

I never really had any friends until my late teens. When I was a kid I didn't socialize. I just stayed at home and played by myself, or I went bike riding.

It's not just me seeking validation from everybody, but specific people. There is a girl I worked with a long time ago and am friends with. I also always had kind of a crush on her too. She reminds me of the hot and popular girl in high school who everyone likes. I was far from popular in HS so the girls wouldn't give the time of day or they would just be snooty with me. Despite that, I always wish I could be accepted by them and maybe get in their circle. That's how I feel with this girl, except she isn't snooty or stuck up. She actually likes me as a friend, though I wish I could get closer in her friendship circle (hanging out, stuff like that). I'm just always afraid of angering or upsetting her in some way that I'll drive her away.

Like I said, I never really learned how to make friends, so I don't really know how to act around certain people.

[Breaking Dawn]

Feeling not good enough & like a misfit was put into us quite some time ago & a great peice of us still believes it, no matter how educated we get. That's just a belief that I have.

[mssweatypalms]

I don't have an answer to this, but I think I can relate. I fell into depression once because someone made me feel I was worthless. I kept being friends with this person for some years hoping that he'll treat me better eventually and I'll be good enough for him. He kept on making me question my self-worth, and I just recently ended this relationship. I'm a bit lonely because of that, but I also feel like getting rid of toxic people in my life is some kind of progress for me.

[Alive99]

Originally Posted by thekingof8

I tried CBT for my Social Anxiety 10 years ago, and it didn't do anything.

- It takes intense work for several months or even a full year for it to "do" anything really, including both fixing thoughts and behavioural/exposure therapy

- You may need medication specifically for social anxiety

[modestlychee6463]

Well, validation from others close to them seems a wonderful thing. I could care less about validation. It is something only the lucky few get. You get validation only from those who actually care about you. If you're not getting much, then hardly anyone does care about you in real life sense. I wouldn't worry about it if I was you until you're able to move.