today I have been reading old journal entries (from 2015 to 2017), and I've come to the realisation that, in reality, in the 6 or so years after they were written, I've not changed much in terms of my mental health. if its my treatment, or just the fact that I'm not coping, I don't know

but that relisation was hard

the only reason I got the journal entries in the first place was because I was trying to find an old poem I wrote. I didn't find the exact one, but found a few others..

back in 2015/2016, my entries started with I'm not doing anything, I'm depressed, I feel triggered, that's pretty much how a conversation with me starts today!. uggg!. I was a mess then, and I am a mess now. wooohoo. go my life

[MickeyCheeky]

i haven't changed much either. So Sorry that you're feeling this. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @raging vortex, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[RoxanneToto]

I know the feeling, I don’t write much in my diary any more (when I started it was every day for years!), but I never seem to have changed much when I look at any of my past diaries. I feel this year is the first time I’ve made any real progress (at nearly 38). It isn’t a great realisation, but you’re not alone.

[hvert]

OMG, I had that experience a few years ago. I'm looking back right now at journal entries I made TEN years ago and I'm still dealing with the same stuff, i.e. need to exercise more, want time and space to myself, clean the house, work on my latest business idea, stop spending so much time online etc. It makes me cringe. The more I read them, the more I see that I have made some progress in some areas. I had a lot of anxiety around advocating for myself ten years ago and that seems to diminish with each passing year. So still a mess but maybe some areas are less messy than they used to be. It's really maddening to see that I am complaining about the same stuff in my life now as I was then.

[*Beth*]

I can read journals written 40 years ago and I would have been struggling with depression (bipolar) back then, just as I do now. Yes, it's so. damned. hard. to live with a mental illness. The differences for me would be medication that definitely helps most of the time, more or less - and, to a degree, techniques I've learned in therapy. But the relentless struggle is still primary in my life.