[puzzclar]

As my t said my mine is a castle with an incredible defence situation. And I've gotten in a big room. When i went on a trip with my parents, I felt connected to my Dad, for the first time in a very long time. Then we came home, and he went back to work, and when not at work, the tv and computer were important and I felt neglected. I've felt neglected my whole life, and not just from my dad. That's when depression started to be known.

Today, I'm 32, and living at home. It's been four years since I moved home. And now the feelings of neglect have surfaced on an incredibly difficult day, if not year. COVID doesn't help, I need connection and I have no one outside work and home to talk too. I'm angry that I didn't see the truth, instead I've been in denial. I'm terrified, and my depression isn't helping. I've got IBS, and I hate the way I look. I'm going through grief too, from having to leave school because I was in denial about what my professors saw. Now I see it and I'm horrified that I can't change to make a dream happen.

Terrified of what could come if I tell my dad that I feel neglected. And terrified of letting my t know that I'm not in a great mindset right now. And then I want to cry and run away.

[CANDC]

@puzzclar sorry you feel so down. There are no easy answers. I can understand your apprehension about telling your dad about how you feel. My dad was not big on expressing feelings.

How come you do not want to tell your t? That is what therapists are for.
@CANDC

[puzzclar]

Originally Posted by CANDC

@puzzclar sorry you feel so down. There are no easy answers. I can understand your apprehension about telling your dad about how you feel. My dad was not big on expressing feelings.


How come you do not want to tell your t? That is what therapists are for.
@CANDC

Originally Posted by CANDC

How come you do not want to tell your t? That is what therapists are for.
@CANDC

I was afraid that t would decide that I needed another type of intervention, i.e. hospital. And then it passed.

Someone asked a question of what would my obituary would express. I want to be known for more than my limitations and challenges. But I was, and still am a little, confused at what to write. The last 5 years I've pushed people IRL away, even sometimes online, because I'm terrified of relationships due to too many people leaving either physically or emotionally. If I do continue to push people away, I'd be the one hurt, physically due to overeating, and emotionally due to shame.

If I let people know more and invite them in, then my obituary would be able to be written, in a manor that is be pleased with. I may be terrified, and learning to learn into the fear will take practice. Nothing happens over night, I didn't get this way in one night. My issues are long term effects of stress. How I eat and act shows how little I care about me. Those who come into contact with me notice how little I care, and some may think it's how I'll treat them. The best way for me is to be and example of what health looks like. Which will require daily effort, and constantly feeling fear and doing things anyway. I won't hold myself to perfection, in fact I can't, perfection isn't going to happen. I can learn from my mistakes and then make changes. That's what I'm doing tonight.

Anyway, is been an interesting day. And I am working on finding a way through mental health issues. A unique Ted talk about how to live to 100, opened my eyes to what life needs to be for me. And I've got a lot of learning to do, and planning, then showing myself love by taking care of me.

[CANDC]

Originally Posted by puzzclar

Anyway, is been an interesting day. And I am working on finding a way through mental health issues. A unique Ted talk about how to live to 100, opened my eyes to what life needs to be for me. And I've got a lot of learning to do, and planning, then showing myself love by taking care of me.

Thank you so much for your detailed explanation.

What a great attitude you are showing by listening to TED talks. We all have a lot of learning to do. Maybe that is why we are here.

All the best
@CANDC