[RJB92]

So last year (late July) my wife left me and also took our two young daughters. She moved into her parents and for absolutely no reason stopped me seeing the girls. It was getting evident that her stance in me not seeing them wouldn't change so i instructed a solicitor to help me gain access through the courts etc. After a while she would allow me to see them, but only if it was round her mum's with her or her mum supervising (again, no reason for this).
A couple of months later, my wife met a new man and they rented a new home within a couple of weeks of meeting. For about three months, while they were "getting the new place ready" up until a week before Christmas, the girls remained at their grandmother's while my wife and her partner lived in the new place. As the weeks went on, her mum started struggling to cope with the girls and eventually let me have the girls over the weekend etc. Ever since the girls moved in with their mum, I've been having them every weekend, which has been lovely. Yesterday was the court case (over the phone!), and unfortunately because I and my ex (she is still technically my wife) are so far apart in what outcome we are after, it has to go to a second hearing. Unfortunately I am currently suffering with covid, so haven't seen the girls for two weeks which has been hell. The courts gave an interim decision that I have them every weekend between now and the second hearing.
The trouble is, despite my ex treating me over the last few months like a piece of **** (she even tried telling the court that I'm a violent alcoholic, despite the fact I'd not hurt a fly and the last drink I had was one beer on Christmas day!) aswell as her new man threatening me with violence on a few occasions, I'm still really jealous and hung up over her being happy with someone new. It's obviously valentine's Day soon, and thinking of them two together while I'm in my flat all alone, lonely and totally fed up. I just want the happy, loving life where I have a partner who had a mutual love with me and my two beautiful daughters to spend more time with me, but it just all seems to be going wrong. I can't see myself ever having that happy family life with anyone again, and she has found it within weeks of leaving me. Our marriage was far from perfect. I slept on the sofa for the last 18 months (we were only together for 6 years), we hadn't had any sex or even a kiss or cuddle for almost two years, we were always bickering and arguing etc and I was deeply unhappy, but I never stopped loving her, so when she left, it hurt so much. I just don't know how or if I'll ever snap out of this, considering I've got to keep in contact with her and always see her and him together all loved up, i hate it!
For some reason, all I think about is her and this new man being intimate, the two of them starting a new life together etc it's really hurting me. I wake up everyday and I just feel empty and heartbroken. I know for a fact that if it wasn't for my two girls, I wouldn't be here now

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

I'm really sorry you're in this nightmarish situation. Welcome to the forum. I'm glad you're here. Try not to worry. You certainly can and will be happy again!

[Thirty shades]

The hole you are in right now is awful.

Maybe nothing others say can make you feel better right now. Time, that old cliche will pass and you will find happiness again. For a start you have two daughters who love you and need you.

I understand the pain of her moving on. What your feeling is natural. The sooner you can move on emotionally from your estranged wife, the better things will be for you. Focus on the fact you weren't right together and unhappy with how she treated you. Making a personnel commitment to letting go of her and treading the long road towards being emotionally free of her will take time. The more you focus on you and thoughts of being happy in a new start, the easier it will be. (not easy at all but easier)

Many people have walked in your shoes before and will in the future. You know the truth, so continue to speak it.

Your estranged wife sounds very selfish and who knows what will happen in her future. It might not be so positive. The new relationship had it started earlier? Will it last?

I hope that you feel better soon. And I know if you choose you will have a wonderful life with someone new, when ready, who will show you what real love is. Your daughters don't seem her priority right now and it's good that they are yours. That makes you strong to be there for them and fight for them when your life has fallen apart. Your are right and doing all the right things. Remember to care about you too.

[Themadcatparade]

Hi RJB,

I'm so sorry you are suffering this terrible time right now. My partner had his child taken off him to when he left his ex and has to fight for custody too, I know how draining it can be. There is no reason for a mother to with hold her children from their father, no excuses, and i'm sure the courts will come to agree a solution that works best for you all and most of all for the children's sake.

it sounds like it was a relationship that needed to end though. As much as you still love her, everybody deserves happiness and it doesn't seem like it was a happy home. I feel the best thing to do would be to work on coming to terms with this for your sake (and ultimately the children's, they are only as happy as their saddest parent!). As much as time sucks in this instance, there WILL be a light at the end of the tunnel, and you WILL find happiness and a better life. You will find someone that you would have never had found if all this didn't happen and you will be counting your blessings that it happened. Breakdown of relationships are the worst and they take time to heal, but as painful as it is it doesn't mean your life ends there - it means life is clearing the obstacles to allow for greater things. I have been there with a break up with my child's father, I had no home, no possessions and I was desperately trying to hold my job, jumping between hotels with an 18 month old baby. I am grateful for this experience now because i have a wonderful life that became of it, but if someone would have told me this back then I would have kicked them in the teeth!!

It's really important to take care of yourself right now. Keep fighting for your children, they deserve their dad in their life.

[Fuzzybear]