[Freshly]

Good morning!

This is my 2nd battle with depression within 10 years. It's triggered by my marital problems. The first time he agreed to counseling and it worked for awhile in my opinion. When things turned sour again, I began to defend myself very assertively. He would leave me and the kids alone for awhile. I never wanted to feel depression ever again and I didn't want my kids to think moms have to take being treated unfairly. Even though this was not an ideal situation, I am stuck until I can live on my own. I know none of this is good for the kids and it is very unfortunate. I have been working on preparations to move out for several years. One is going to college to have the career of my dreams and have been very focused. I was becoming a stronger person. I have always thought my marriage would end in divorce, so I have been preparing, but also holding hope that things will turn around.

What I cannot fathom is why I care so deeply now that he tells me that we are over after no intimacy for a year. He is allowing me to finish school to prepare for 2 households. I am grief stricken with the deepest depression. Can't eat, sleep, and have racing thoughts.

Been about 5 days of this...
I leave my house 2 times in the middle of the night to cry and exert myself to hopefully sleep. I think I may slip into psychosis if I can't get this manageable soon. Seeking a counselor, just challenging to find one at the moment.

Nights are the worst any advice to get through the night? I feel if I could sleep, I would function a lot better and have a better chance to transition to a new state of mind.

[MickeyCheeky]

So Sorry you have to deal with this! Please do not give up! i think divorces can be hard so i think it is normal to feel emotional about this. i Hope you'll both be able to work this out but whatever it is possible to make your Family happy. If you haven't already seen it, we have a forum dedicated to divorce and separation if you want to visit that. Try to focus on yourself and your Family as well. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Freshly, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[Ceara1010]

I don't blame you for being depressed and I wish I had some magic words that would make everything right for you. It sounds like you are in school now and I hope you are having a positive experience there as this could really help you feel empowered which could lessen your depressive symptoms. Good luck with this!

One thing I do that can really help my depression is practice gratitude, either as a meditation or gratitude journaling. I think of all the things I have to be grateful for, despite everything negative, and it's like a balm for my psyche. For me it's been one of the most powerful things I can do to combat my depression. And it helps me keep a perspective on everything.

Hang in there

[Freshly]

Thank you, this helps tremendously!

I had forgotten gratitude journaling! Definitely going to do that and try meditation. I love the idea of it, but am so distracted. Maybe, I need to just accept where I am and that it's a process. Overtime, I will become less distracted.

Thanks again!

[leomama]

That is so rough and you are super strong. I know we aren’t supposed to tell people they’re strong since it’s not helpful and I wanted to tell you I’m telling you that as a peer who got divorced without a job. My life fell apart when I divorced however in my situation I couldn’t take having to be intimate with someone I couldn’t depend on.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[mssweatypalms]

Originally Posted by Freshly

Nights are the worst any advice to get through the night? I feel if I could sleep, I would function a lot better and have a better chance to transition to a new state of mind.

Same here. It's tough to cope with nighttime anxiety. These past few days, I've been having crying spells and have really strong negative feelings before going to bed. I recently found comfort in listening to music. It's not effective all the time but it makes me calmer. I've also tried writing my thoughts or coloring something before I sleep. Watching Modern Family also worked for a short while. Basically, it's about distracting myself. It's not easy, so I'm really sorry that you're suffering from this now and I hope you find a way to feel better.