[rtrudeau]

Tonight, my sister has a friend over and they were going to watch Gothika. My dad said no in a joking way, and they were laughing about his cucumber that is huge that he grew in his garden. Meagan put the movie in downstairs and about 3 minutes into it, my dad came down stairs flicked the lights on and started yelling that she put it in. My parents let her watch it with another friend (saturday night) and when confronted with this, my dad yelled "you're luckey I don't send Alexis home right now, you're grounded!" This was all in front of my sisters friend.

The other night, my dad told me that my light was on in my room. I went and turned it off. I got back on the computer and finished working. Then, I went back into my room, turned the light on and started to pick up a little. I forgot that I was still signed on the computer, and when I realized it about 5 minutes later, I went back into the loft and was signing off when my dad walked up the stairs and yelled at me that my light was still on. i siad for him not to yell at me, and told him that i was going right back in and i was just signing off the computer. well, that made him more mad. He yells louder "your just a real sensitive boy! i'm yelling loud now, i wasnt yelling before! dont talk back to me..." As i began to walk out of the room, he got in front of me and stuck his chest out and bumped into me. I noticed he had a beer bottle in his hand. He continued to yell at me and eventualy let me leave. When I went into my room, i didnt want to do anything. nothing seemed like it would be fun. I went out in the hot tub and turned all the lights off so i could be by myself and think.

I've felt like that a lot. I don't really want to do anything, I'm just bored. I'm tired all the time too. I've noticed that my sister is getting yelled at a lot more than she used to. Which makes me feel bad. I feel guilty because I've always said to my dad, " You always yell at me, why doesn't Meagan get yelled at when she does little things wrong? Yell at her more! "dont take your anger out on me." How selfish of me! Now her getting yelled at is my fault. I'm so sick of myself.

Why doesn't he care? What does he think he's accomplishing? Who is he going to yell at next? Who is he going to push, hit, kick, etc. next? Just a few things I thought about since i've been saing such selfsh things.

well, if you all have anyother thing to say besides "its his problem" and not mine, i'd appreciate it. I've tried talking to him, he gets deffensive and yells.I've tried talking to my mom, she listens, but doesn't give me much advice, shes just quiet about it.

help please

What good are tears if they have no shoulder to fall on? What good are they if they only fall from your face and pool on the graound, without anybody noticing?

[hamstergirl]

Your father sounds like my father. I lived with him for the first 22 years of my life. Yelling was his favorite thing to do and I hated it. I was so scared of my dad. I still am. That's why I am living 600 km away from him. I love him, but I HATE the yelling.

It's not your fault that your dad is yelling at your sister. It's his choice to yell at her.

Tell your therapist about the depression, PLEASE. And tell her about the yelling. She can't help you if she doesn't know everything.

I'm always around the area if you need to talk. I understand what it's like to be yelled at. I even got yelled at for crying, so I cry in a church bathroom now, where no one can see me or hear me.


There is a thing more crippling than cerebral palsy: the prison of your own mind.

[shakes]

rtrudeau,
It sounds like your dad has some serious anger problems. Have you talked to your mom about this? Or your therapist? My father has an anger problem as well so you are not alone. He often just explodes for no reason and is very emotionally abusive to us.
I am afraid that there is no easy answer to this. Without a wakeup call or some professional help he is unlikely to change his ways. The most important thing is your safety and the safety of your sisters and mother. If you feel unsafe there are resources available to you.

Stay strong,
Jessica

<font color=blue>The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain</font color=blue>
~Seether and Amy Lee

[dexter]

>>well, if you all have anyother thing to say besides "its his problem" and not mine, i'd appreciate it.

rt I do sympathize with your situation. I hope you will continue to find solutions... keep talking to people about it, talk to a counselor, seek help for depression, etc. I am sure it does feel as if your options are very limited because you are so young. But the good news is that that will not always be the case.

You can do as much as you can to improve the situation for yourself, for your sister, and for your family... but at some point you will be able to leave the situation if there is no improvement (and you will be able to encourage others to do so).

The REALLY IMPORTANT thing is to make sure that when the time comes and you are out on your own, that by that time you are not so full of his crap that you have begun to believe it. Abuse travels in cycles and is passed down in families. We learn by observing and imitating, even if our intention is the opposite.

It is a very positive thing that you recognize and understand that your father's behavior is bad. But that knowledge alone is not enough to make sure that when you separate from him physically, you can separate from him emotionally as well. That is why we like to remind you often that this is his fault, not yours. As often as he tells you or makes you think there is something wrong with you, we are here to tell you that that is not the case, lest you start to believe it somewhere deep down inside.

Keep posting here and keep working at solutions. I am not here to say that escape from the household is your only solution, only that it is one possibility that is sure to arise with time, but also realize that just physical separation may not be a "total cure" so that as much as we may repeat "its his problem, not yours" that doesn't mean that you should just sit back and take it, or brush off his behavior. Bottom line is that his behaviour is his choice... but your happiness results from your choices. Which are very limited right now unfortunately, but hang on to hope and keep trying to find proactive solutions for the here and now.

------------------------------------
--http://www.idexter.com

[Wants2Fly]

It's tough to be a kid -- especially a sensitive kid -- with parent or parents who are angry, emotionally abusive.

My brother and I were well taken care of but neither of us talk about our childhoods, because of a situation similar to yours.

The suggestions others have made are sound, about dealing with the effects this can have on you.

Please keep posting and looking for the comfort that is here for you, and taking steps in your offline life to get help and support.